Meet My Man

A lot has happened since I last posted. Like, a lot a lot. I’m at a fork in the road in my life and am about to start my first full-time job as an OTR (it’s looking like Kansas but we’ll see if that place falls through as well.) 

I’m back baby. I am as awkard as ever, if not more, so strap yourselves in and get ready to hear about all my past, present, and certain future awkward interactions with the species known as....the male. *dramatic music*

I feel like if I’m going to get married, it’s gottttaaa be in the next few years. I feel ready. I really do. I’m still horrible at dating and everything (clearly), but Idk. Call it a hunch. Or women’s intuition. 

I’ve had a friend since I was in a weight-lifting group freshmen year of college. We’ll call him Johnny, because one time he said that he would hate to be called that. 

I went on a horribly awkward date a few nights ago.

           This dude gave his number to my dad after I came to the fair last year. he would randomly wish me a "good week" or "good day" over text throughout the year. I told my dad a few nights ago that since it's been a year since I met this guy and he hadn't made an attempt to meet up since the day I met him, it was a dead end.

           The very next night he asked me to come to where he was setting up for a fair (about 30 minutes from my house), so we could talk and get ice cream.

           We sat on a bench for 2 hours. He talked about work for 2 hours. I listened for 2 hours. He ate 4 sundae cones. I ate 1. To every question I asked he either said, "Correct," or "Incorrect." He didn't laugh at a SINGLE joke of mine. (Come on now, over 2 hours, surely at least ONE of them was good!!) He didn't ask me anything about myself other than "how I like driving a van." He's 29, has gone to 7 different colleges of which he has not gotten a degree from any, and he's going to give his boss an ultimatum in a month: he gets a 40% pay increase or he quits.

           #WinnerWinnerChickenDinner

           It was worse than it sounds. ...Haha?

           There was plenty of potential, but it was all wasted. I find gingers incredibly attractive, it was perfect summer weather, there was a lake less than a block away, there was a fair going on, I love ice cream, and I was in a great mood, not to mention I was having a great day, so my conversational skills were at a pinnacle point.

           There was so much potential, but he just threw the potential in the trash! My sister asked if I was going to go out with him again. As far as I'm concerned? No way, José! We shall never know what could have been between Abram and I.

8/2/2015          [Sunday of Pola-Czesky Days]           12:24 PM

           Last night after dancing with my sisters and friend Bridget at the Silver Lake Queen's Ball, I got separated from them and ran into Boscar, Jacob Sanchez, Kole, and Steak. I have histories with all of these guys, the only exception being Boscar.

           Jacob was the first boy to try to kiss me. It was actually really awkward, because he tried to dip me when we hugged, and he dropped me. To try to recover from this, he then dropped to the ground tried to make it all romantic and try to kiss me. But I stood up in rage, jumped into my van, and drove away. He was pretty wasted, so when he wanted to put his new number into my phone, it took him about 8 tries to put it in correctly. When I said goodbye to him at the end of the night, he said he thought he put it in wrong. Oh brother.

           Sanchez and I were in College Speech together. He was going to ask me on a date, but his friend Steak told him to back off. He and I both really like outdoorsy-type stuff, and because of this we've always gotten along really well. I found out that he and his girlfriend broke up, because she was with about 10 other guys. When I said goodbye to him at the end of the evening, he and I made a pinky promise to send each other a life update on all our rad happenings at least once every two months. He's a good dude.

           Steak was a boy I really, REALLY liked for two years. He was my best friend. I could tell the incredibly long story, but basically he keeps coming back to me after each girlfriend. His current girlfriend was at the Queen's Ball too, but she wasn't talking to ANYBODY: Steak included. I'm sure she's nice though. I talked to him briefly, mostly because he was so awkward, but he just got a teaching job less than 10 minutes away from my house. He'll be teaching fourth grade. His grandparents, who are my favorite elderly couple, told me the same news the next morning at church.

           Kole was Steak's best friend when I liked Steak for those two years. He also dated one of my close high school friends for those two years. But he told her that he had always thought I was cuter than her, and this soon led to their break-up as well as a damaged friendship that I didn't understand for a long time. A few years ago he moved to Montana, and when he decided to move back to Minnesota about a month ago, he asked to take me to dinner. I think it's a date? Anyway, when I said goodbye to the gang at the end of the evening, he asked me what my favorite kind of food is. Ummmmm, good food? Haha how the heck should I be able to answer that question??

7/19/2015        9:34AM

           Do you remember how I really liked Gobble? (If you don't, here's our "history": X) Like, literally 5 years ago. Well, I recently went on a date with him.

           When I was supposed to meet up with Kevin Johnson, it sounded too much like a date to me, so I told Gobble we should all catch up together (killing two birds with one stone). Gobble said that it didn't work for him to meet up with Kevin and I, but he was "thinking we could meet up next Tuesday." From the way he was finalizing details, it sounded a lot like a date. When he said he could pick me up and pay for me, it was confirmed.

           He picked me up and we went to the Eden Prairie Mall (about an hour drive). There we went to Baja Sol, where he told me to get a chicken caesar burrito (he gave me a hard time for getting it without dressing). We talked in the food court until the movie he wanted to see, Inside Out started. We saw it in 3D, be we did start in the wrong theater (we went into the Jurassic World one). I paid for my dinner, and he paid for our movie tickets.

           On the way home, I was the Car DJ with his music. Now there are several things that I have failed to mention about Gobble since I had an insane crush on him five years ago. First of all, he hates his life and felt the need to complain about it. Secondly, he hates what I am doing with my life and felt the need to criticize and condemn me for it. For example, "People 'like you' go to college. You'll regret it. Going to college is pointless and not needed." Um, what?!?! Third of all, during our date he did not attempt to get to know me in the slightest. For why? The simple reason that he assumed he already knew me meant that there was nothing that he needed to find out. This was made through comments such as, "But we both know you would never want to eat[talk, do] anything like that!" or "You don't like X, so you should do X." It was quite frustrating. It was during this car ride that I realized all of these things, and in that realization I wanted to jump out of the car, curl up into a ball, and cry for the year I spent liking him with so much of my high school heart. However, I realized this when we still had 45 minutes in the car ride left. Soooooo when he dropped me off at my house, he got out of the car to give me a hug and tell me that we will "do this again" and "hang out soon." I said "yeah," in a less than convincing way.

After I finished the journal entry about Skeeter, I checked my phone. There was yet another texting convo with Skeeter. Keep in mind that I was on the bus on the way back from Chicago. As far as I was concerned, the majority of my trip was over. This is how the conversation went:

S:         When you comin to Chicago??

M:        On my way back from Chicago! See you in a few months! :)

S:         Why didn't we hang

S:         Wait do you drive through Watertown or close to it wee can get lunch

S:         Or dinner

M:        I told you when I was coming...I'm riding the megabus and we already made our stop.

S:         I'm so sorry I thought you were next week I feel so bad can I make it up to you somehow please let me

S:         Lol whatever you want seriously anything

M:        Lol it's not a big deal. don't worry about it.

S:         No I feel really bad there hasn't

S:         Has to be something I can do

M:        Skeeter, I'm serious. I simply spent quality time with my sister!

S:         Well how about taking you out during the school year

           [Seriously, dude? By this time Dad was picking me up, and I asked my dad's advice. He thought the kid was pretty wimpy, but he felt bad for him as if he was the underdog. Dad told me what to say next.]

M:        My dad says "The greatest idea in the world is useless unless it is acted upon."

           [By the time he responded to this, Dad and I had driven the hour and a half drive home and I was home with my family.]

S:         Haha alright so is it a great idea

           [Mom said "He's a dense boy, isn't he," with more sympathy than someone musters for a little kid's dead pet.]

M:        I'm saying it's a pointless idea unless you actually do something about it.

S:         I will! I am going to I promise

M:        I guess we'll see!

S:         You guess we will see?? Haha Merc what does that mean? Haha am I not good enough for ya ;)

           [Oh brother. Spare me.]

M:        I mean Idk if it will happen, but we will both inevitably find out. That's what it means.

S:         Okay! Well I guess we will see then! Text me tomorrow :) night!

           [Why would I text someone who is so intensely interested in being redeemed in his self-   esteem?]

Journal Entry: 7/12/15 5:18PM [Sunday, Megabus, on the way back from visiting Grace]

           Skeeter has been talking to me quite a bit this summer. Well, actually, that is not completely true. We do not talk often, but when we do it is a short and rather intense conversation. This was the most friendship-changing one (our last convo). My responses got deleted, but I'll do my best to keep it honest.

S:         Merc I got a question for us

S:         Ya*

M:        Shoot it at me.

S:         Do you think I'm just another guy that hits on you or do you think I'm something different? Be honest now.

M:        So you want my honest opinion of you, is that it?

S:         Haha not entirely but that's a good start

M:        [I ask for question clarification]

S:         Lol yeah I guess what do you think of me

S:         Merc?

M:        Honestly I think you are a very genuine guy, in fact you are one of the most genuine guys I've come across in a while. I don't think of you as "just another guy," but I think you consider yourself as just that, and honestly I don't understand why the heck that is. So because of that I doubt you would ever make a move. [or something along those lines]

S:         That was amazing Merc...

S:         Like I can't believe you figured all that out...

S:         One more question though...What if I made a move?

M:        I hope I didn't offend you?

S:         You did the exact opposite!

S:         I really appreciate that! I love your honesty and your realness I find it very attractive

S:         Now I want to hear honesty one more time lol ;)

M:        [I said if he actually made a move, I would probably give an "us" a shot and asked him if that answer made sense]

S:         Yes absolutely and I'm sorry I fell asleep thanks Merc I'm sorry I haven't yet

M:        It's alright, you haven't really had a chance this summer. Just don't expect me to wait around for something that won't happen. In the past this has left me with nothing but bitterness and wasted time.

Journal Entry: 7/10/15 10:12PM [FRIDAY]

           I'm on the train on the way back from a prolonged date with Cracker, and I was a little anxious for it. Instead of telling you what I thought would happen, I'll simply state what DID happen. It should also be noted that there were a few times I thought of Chapel Buddy. There were a few more times I thought about HoofClaw. And there were also quite a few times I thought about CreekZ. Gosh. I have got to quite thinking about that guy. Anyways, here is what happened tonight, stated in chronological order:

λ        Grace walked me to the Metra station, where we met up with Cracker. Grace had not met him yet. (He had just gotten done w/work).

λ        We rode the train to Glen Ellyn. (I paid for my tickets).

λ        We walked to his car parked in his church's parking lot (Glen Ellyn Bible Church).

λ        We drove to his house where I saw his longboard, I drank a glass of H20, and I met his cats while he changed out of work clothes.

λ        We drove to the mini golf course to make sure it was open late.

λ        We went to Noodles & Co. where we each had the Pesto Cavatappi with Parmesan cheese. We talked about nicknames, he drank a Fizz soda, and I'm pretty sure he took a picture of me eating (THAT'D be a gross photo!), but he was all awkward about it. I didn't eat my tomatoes or mushrooms, and I took about a 1/4 of it "to go."

λ        We went Mini Golfing. It was the worst I have ever mini-golfed (Well, since I was 12 anyway). The final scores? Cracker: 49; Mercy: 56 :( But we got free popcorn from the owner/manager and I won a buy 1, get 1 free coupon. So we were both winners! :)

λ        Then we went to his friend family's candy store (which was closed). So we walked around downtown Glen Ellyn as he told me about all of his memories about the town since he moved there from South Africa when he was 10. We literally took a stroll down Memory lane.

λ        We popped into a Starbucks and then sat on a bench by the station until the train came.

 The train is pulling in now! Ciao fo' now, foo'!

In a letter to Beth Houdin, I told her about what had happened so far with boys, which has been pretty much nothing, which is honestly a relief! I need some time without the pressure of dating or analyzing how a friendship/relationship with a guy is going. That portion of the letter reads:

           "As for boys this summer, the only thing that has happened is an old friend/kind-of-an-old flame came back home from North Carolina and we went on a date. We went hiking, got frozen yogurt, went bowling (I bowled a 75! :O), he gave me a tour of all the places he has ever planted grass (a "Grass Tour"), and then we browsed Walmart looking for shoe polish for him.

           "A little background. He asked me to be his girlfriend the day before I left for Wheaton, and then on his own he met up with my dad to talk about "getting to know me better." I didn't know about this until after the fact, so I called this guy, Nick, and told him I was in a different state so it wasn't going to work. Then he moved to North Carolina. And/But we've remained friends ever since."

 Harvey is a type of penpal.

Someday we will meet, but who knows when? 

          Merc,

           I have to start by thanking for the tattoos! I love superheroes, I think Ironman is my favorite Avenger. I will probably save them for the next time I hang out with my nephew, he loves superheroes too. Who is your favorite Avenger? We should both go watch the new movie the same night and then give our reviews! I could talk about superheroes all day, but I doubt that is why you wrote me :)

           I wish I could see Minnesota too :/ More importantly I wish I could come visit you! Congrats to all of your family’s accomplishments! How was the Half Marathon?

           I also need to apologize for my less than timely response…There are so many things I want to write to you about, so it is hard to find enough time to sit down and write.

Okay, so I'm sick of living in the past with all of these dates that seem forever ago. So here's a chronological summary of what happened with each guy between the last time we chatted and the end of the school year. I'll come back to these random dudes occasionally to fill in details as needed or do a mental/emotional "throwback Thursday," but otherwise I think it's time to live in the present, so I'm not eternally playing catch up.

λ        HoofClaw: I told him I wasn't ready to date, it was awko taco, Mac told me I needed to clarify I wasn't friend-zoning him, I sat with him in chapel, we went to a track meet together, I told him I liked him & he told me he was depressed and wasn't ready for a relationship (so I was basically friend-zoned); oh, and my advisor asked why we weren't dating. I think he hates me now. :(

λ        Cracker and I hung out a few times purely as friends. He asked me to Lacrosse banquet (I freaked out at him), but lacrosse banquet was super duper great. Maybe he's not such a bad guy :)

λ         CreekZ and I went on a blind date, which was soso much fun. I was incredibly nervous, but it went better than I ever expected. I asked him to Cheer banquet, at which he had a cold so he was high on benadryl, but you could barely tell. He was the best date I have ever had for a banquet (maybe even better than Cracker at lax banquet). He owes me Jamba Juice, but since he's going back to Oklahoma to work....He says he'll still redeem it, but who knows? I need to give up the idea of him liking me as more than a friend, because he's terrified of dating. He's blocking his own shots, which, as my mom told me when I told her he was doing that, is pretty much impossible to do. 

I told one other person before I left for spring break about what I would be pondering for almost the entirety of spring break. Who, you ask? Well, Kate Pendant, of course!

          The next morning I didn't know how to act around HoofClaw and Mikey in Physiology class. I was SO awkward-even more awkward than normal! I went to breakfast afterwards, because I wouldn't be using all of my meals since I was leaving that day to go home for spring break. I went with my friend Mac.

           After eating for a few minutes I realized I would tell her sooner or later, and I would really appreciate her wisdom sooner rather than later. "So, last night HoofClaw took me to Denny's..."

           "yeah....?" Mac said with a knowingly sheepish grin. My jaw dropped open. She knew too?? Mac laughed. "I just want to say I called it that you were going to say you needed to think about it." My mind exploded into a thousand and two tiny shards of blown out material. How did she know? "Mikey told me." Ah. Of course. What else could I expect? "So what are you thinking?" She wanted to know what I would tell HoofClaw.