exactly half of an eleven pound black forest ham

whenever I tell a story I feel like Uncle Colm from Derry Girls

ME: hold up. you see that? train's been through here FRIEND: how can you tell ME: tracks. they're not fresh, maybe 60, 80 years old FRIEND: no chance it'll come back, then ME: don't be so sure. That's well within their lifespan... and they're highly territorial

@wires-walter-the-automaton W HY DO I IMAGINE ACE MAKIGN THIS WHILE DRUNk

Because this is definitely something he would do! He would probably make it for Peter. Also, is that cheese?

i first thought it was butter fsr lmao ace would be on his knees begging peter to eat it, crying and all but peter keeps denying then gene comes in to save peter’s life by agreeing to eat it for him (because there’s no doubt in mind he wouldn’t) and luckily ace couldn’t hear them discussing the plan over his own sobbing ace then looks up and notices it gone, peter then shyly exclaiming “yeah it… actually was really good, i’m sorry ace” and ace is sO HAPPY he gets up to hug peter and peter hugs back, feeling bad for lying to his sweet spaceman but it was kind of worth it at least gene got his midnight snack bc it’s literally 2 in the morning

hey what the fuck are you talking about

oh my god they’re talking about the band Kiss

shut the fuck up

THEYRE TALKING ABOUT FUCKING KISS?

this lettuce smells like dog

you bought dog lettuce

Me and my buddy got jumped by Foster the People

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

It just shifted to spanking your puppy’s ass, to make them take that thick knot. Like the good little play thing they are.

i don't really think it's like that at all

I like when construction workers spray paint their strange sigils on the pavement

where is transgender flag "I'M TOO FAT FOR THIS HEAT"

it's that time of the year again folks

every since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to aimlessly wander a blighted landscape

I find it funny when people are just standing around. Like what are you doing, Just standing around? LOL