MECHABOT ULTROR FIGHTS AGAIN

I'm finally playing through the Kingdom Hearts series and I don't think I could survive writing a "Which Kingdom Hearts Characters Would Make the Sickest Secret Skaters in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater" list.

Like, we can all just agree that Demyx would be #1 and shred, while shredding. I'm pretty sure Aladdin would be #2, and he'd just be on the Magic Carpet.

Also, nobody ever told me that Kingdom Hearts 2 has skateboarding! And like, it's kinda decent for just being an extra thing thrown in for fun? How has this passed me by?

Anyway, I've played KH1, Chain of Memories, and am currently deep in the Kingdom Hearts 2 mines. It's been really fun, but I'm absolutely feeling the burnout settling in. Perhaps that list IS in order... but not quite yet, I have miles to go before I sleep.

Also: my soul for a Tony Hawk world where Tony Hawk is your companion and you're forced to shred, lest the Heartless take over Suburbia from THPS3. Put Goofy on a skateboard and make his stance regular, but make Donald's stance goofy and have him be all tsunducky about it.

"Sora, I'm happy we're all friends now. It's all about having fun and racking up high scores out there, kind of like your Gummi Ship, but way better," Tony Hawk said, as the Nobody of Bob Burnquist broiled alive in dark fire within the empty pool nearby, "And I know you know how to score. I've seen those Tumblr tags."

"Gawrsh," Goofy guffawed, after fucking up another kickflip, "Mr. Hawk, are you saying Sora gets his friggity-freak on?"

"Indeed, Goofy. He does, a whole lot," Tony Hawk said, "If you thought his grinding here was good, just search his name. And Donald, it's sick that you took the form of a literal hawk for this level."

"Thanks, mister," said Donald Duck, "Can we join Team Birdhouse now?"

We're bound to get a title drop for Final Fantasy VIII R: Part 3 sometime this year. Everyone loves debating what the "R" will stand for.

My money is on "Reunite". Why haven't I seen this one before?

Is it too close to Reunion? They basically mean the same thing, but Reunion was already used as the subtitle for the Crisis Core remake.

I would be happy with other titles, but it should be something that has some relevance to everything the game entails. Reunite is a word that reflects tons of things going on in the story, it speaks on another level about the trilogy's completion, and plays on this idea that the players are reunited with stories they've experienced through in the past.

Once upon a time, I wrote a list that ranked Octopath Traveler II's characters by how well they would work as secret skaters in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. After 100+ hours with the latest installment, I find myself pondering a question for the ages: who exactly is the ultimate shredmaster of Orsterra?

Octopath Traveler 0 has the largest roster of playable characters in the series. As a fan of strategy RPGs, I'm used to organizing entire armies worth of weirdos. Still, this will be my longest list to date, but like Tony Hawk landing the world's first 900 at the 1999 X Games, someone has to do it... or die trying. And it would be really embarrassing if writing this list killed me, so in the wise words of Valore's own Fra: it's go time.

Without further ado, I present to you my official ranking of which Octopath Traveler 0 characters would make the most kickass secret skaters in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.

36. Macy

Macy might be one of the very few characters in your squad to actively discourage a sport as dangerous as skateboarding - but only initially. She is kind and helpful, but intense when it comes to anything medical. I think after seeing a few skate competitions and finding her place on the sidelines as a magical EMT, she might come around to enjoying herself. Macy's personal sidequest in 0 reveals a more open/understanding side to her personality, so while she might prefer a gentler game, she would at least take pride in patching up anyone who bails.

35. Pius

Pius' placement near the very end of this list helps us establish a few facts about this whole ordeal: I'm going off of character personality and a little bit of their history, but mostly it boils down to vibes. Pius, like Macy, is a pretty nice and helpful person. He might never step foot on a skateboard, but he would absolutely be in the judge's corner at every Wishvale skate competition, utilizing his Scales of Justice ultimate to fairly determine who busted out the dopest moves. Pius would enjoy and even encourage sports throughout Wishvale, but would absolutely take a backseat from the action in lieu of a supporting role.

34. Esperre

Unless Esperre's dad skateboarded once upon a time, I suspect he won't be super into it. It's almost too easy to place healers and apothecaries this far down, but with Esperre, this is a personality/vibe thing. That said, he isn't entirely averse to danger, considering he helps save you from getting devoured by a giant ant monster, so he'd probably be pretty chill about watching the Protagonist bust their ass while trying to grind the stair rails at Sufrataljah. If anything, he's probably great at helping skaters figure out which stance is best for them, and I imagine he has a decent eye for good skate spots to hit up.

33. Alexia

It pains me to put Alexia so low down on this list, as she is easily one of my favorite party members. She never left the front line since the moment I recruited her. I just know that the only way to pull her away from her research would be to somehow find an ancient Orsterran skatepark, after which she would likely get super into the art of arcane shredding. She would require something like the "Tome of Tonihoc" to fully enjoy skating... and she'd eat the last page, in hopes of it granting her the points to her hangtime stats. That said, we don't have definitive proof that there aren't old skateparks in Orsterra, so there's hope for her yet.

32. Cyrus

It's easy to say something like "oh, this bookworm would rather stick to the library" but, to his credit, Cyrus probably could shred if he put his heart into it. I think he might even have the right vibe for the skatepark. It's simply too easy to picture him hyperfixating on collecting old skate tapes and ancient copies of Thrasher Magazine. I just think he would much prefer learning about skate history and famous skaters, so that he can one day make his own ranking of which famous skaters would make kick ass secret party members in Octopath Traveler.

31. Solon

Wise King Solon knows better than to risk his royal neck trying to pull off a Super McTwisty 900 over the Cyphlo River. However, you know this man would be excellent when it comes to finding Orsterra's sickest skate spots. He could point out fatass gaps that no other leader of man has seen. I can also imagine Solon showing up to a competition in disguise, only to reveal his true self after getting a 99.9 score, all atop his favorite mutton themed skate deck. The true star of the show always appears last, as he so often likes to point out.

30. Laurana

I feel like Laurana might actually be halfway decent at skating, but she'd fall off the practice wagon quickly. Something about being wracked with guilt would keep her from hitting up the Wishvale skate bowl with her childhood friends - it's likely they all learned how to skate when Stia and Pops built the first halfpipe, so she likely has the basics down. She just would rather forge ahead than linger in the past, or something. Her skate journey simply wouldn't be as compelling as her personal one.

29. Olberic

Another OG from Octopath Traveler 1, Olberic feels like the sort of guy who used to absolutely shred Hornburg, but retired after its decimation. Maybe it's ageist, maybe it's just vibes, but I feel like he would have kicked so much ass in his heyday that he only busts out his board on special occasions. The unbending blade has probably broken a shitload of boards in his time, but all in the pursuit of skate mastery.

28. Ophilia

We now hit the part of the list with characters who all would undeniably work in THPS, in my mind. Ophilia is so chill, she basically gets along with the most bristly characters, and you know she's got that soft spot for kids. She's got the right attitude and basically only appears this far down on the list on the virtue of feeling more like a soul skater than a competitive one. The moment skating takes off in Flamesgrace is the moment Ophilia finds a new hobby to entertain the flock. I think she would be a very respectable skater, with a particular knack for getting back on the board after bailing.

27. Alaune

Alaune would pick up the pieces of Edoras's destroyed skateparks, and have Elrica themed boards that honor her sister (another honorary team member who will go unranked on this list). She wouldn't settle on being a simple patron of the shredding arts, however: she would absolutely skate right alongside her contemporaries. You know that long-ass bridge that leads to her castle proper? She'd manual the whole thing. And everyone would love her for it.

26. Therion

Placing Therion here might appear to be some kind of hot take, but think about him for a sec. He absolutely, positively can skate. He absolutely, positively would not want to, and that is the problem. Thieves almost always get a pass to the higher tiers on lists like this, and while I think he would look absolutely sick pulling off a 360 Madonna over Galdera's steaming corpse, something tells me he would rather just... not. Which is a shame, but you gotta let the guy live his life.

25. Carinda

Carinda has the right attitude for skateboarding, it's one of those amorphous/hard-to-describe vibes. Mix that with a penchant for mercantilism, and you have quite possibly the greatest walking advertisement for Orsterran Vans sneakers that has ever lived. Therein lies the issue, however: she would much rather sort out endorsement deals over actual skating, but by Bifelgan, would she be good at it.

24. Phenn

I warmed up to this guy over the course of OT0's story, but he quickly fell out of my party and always had a sort of middle-of-the-road quality to him. The more you get to know him, the more you realize that he's pretty good at anything he picks up. He's part of Wishvale's watch, he's one of the cooks at the town's hub, and does all of this while helping save the world. A decent skater, a solid member of the Wishvale squad. But let's be real, here's how it actually appears in my mind: if we compare OT0 to Nickelodeon's Rocket Power, then Phenn is the Twister to the Protagonist's Otto Rocket.

23. Tressa

Here is another character that falls into the "I can picture it, but are they the best?" category. Mid-tier does not mean bad, however. I don't think she would have the thirst for brand deals as Carinda, and I think her general size and speed would make for a really entertaining skater to watch. My true reasoning though, is that she's from Rippletide, and she seems to really like the ocean. I bet Tressa would be one of the best surfers on the team, which at least gives her a decent foundation for skating.

22. Celsus

Here's a guy who, like Olberic, gives off "I used to skate, back in the day" energy, except he might not be quite as rusty. I just know he's the definition of surprising - like I guarantee he would see the kids in Wishvale skating, and he'd randomly pick up a board and just blow everyone's minds. He's a pretty devout guy, too, meaning that he might have the balls to hit some particularly wild gaps. Celsus has the power of God and Tony Hawk on his side.

21. Heidne

I love the type of character that pops up here and there throughout a journey, attempting to kick your ass at every turn, only to eventually come into the fold as an ally. That kind of scrappy-ass attitude screams skater-coded to me. Look at her style too, Heidne would fit in so well and look badass on any halfpipe. Her only real issue is that she would hawk her competition medals for rings, which isn't that big a deal. She would easily be one of the more competitive folks on the Wishvale squad.

20. Primrose

I'm usually all for dancers landing higher up on these sort of lists, but we're kicking off the top 20 with Primrose due solely to her personality. She's a kind, caring, brave, but melancholy dancer, which makes for an absolutely compelling character, but her skate skills would be heavily carried by her sense of style and natural grace. Would she enjoy skating? That, I don't know. Lucky for her fans, I can very easily picture her in an actual THPS game for some reason, like my brain can replace Bob Burnquist with Primrose Azelhart with no issue.

19. Rondo

First of all, "Rondo" is a great skater name, full stop. Second, his first appearances in OT0 gives off huge puppy dog energy, which is never a bad thing in the realms of skating. He eventually matures a bit, so that gets toned down, but he retains a youthful vibe that just feels right. It's all about that fire he carries, though. Ripping through downtown Los Angeles on a flaming, blue skateboard just feels really Tony Hawk coded. Deep down, I know that Rondo would have a palette swap where his cape looks like pure Guy Fieri flame print.

18. Viator

Viator, for what my money's worth, just looks like he would fit in seamlessly (pun intended) to any THPS game. Here is an entry that is purely about vibes. There's no real, satisfying explanation beyond the fact that he just looks the part. Each of the decks he collects would also have prints of the game's ultimate weapons on them, which you know is totally sick. My man is simply seeking out his family's prized skateboard, which would probably be a beat-to-shit deck that was signed by Rodney Mullen.

17. Stia

Stia is a total ride-or-die, an amazingly hardworking character who gets some very lovely moments throughout the game. She also just so happens to make some very lovely skateparks, including all the best bits and bobs, like those scary loop-de-loops you can hit on Alcatraz in THPS4. Fun fact: if you walk all the way from Mt. Berecain to Wishvale without encountering any enemies, Stia adds a skatepark to the town's building options. Don't quote me on that though.

16. H'aanit

My original OTII list had that game's Hunter, Ochette, as the number one best skater for THPS. While H'aanit does not have the same energy as Ochette, she would absolutely share some of the cool traits, like having boards themed after the game's monsters (especially Linde). Same deal, she would bust out different monsters to help her out with special moves, and if that doesn't scream Tony Hawk Secret Nonsense, I don't know what does.

15. Richard

Richard is a man of action, down to earth, and so down bad for River Beans that he might have an actual problem, but I'm not judging him. He's a great example of a pure-vibes choice for THPS, and like Viator, I just can really easily picture him absolutely crushing Downhill Jam. He's just got the right attitude for skateboarding. He's chill. He's charming. He's Charles. He also canonically gets laid, which rules. Good for you, King Dick Riven.

14. Alfyn

If anyone is capable of popping their limbs back into place after eating shit upon missing gaps at Cragspear Pass, it's this guy. He's apparently turned his life around after being something of a minor punk in his younger years, and he knows how to have a good time at the bar, so the ethos are totally there. Alfyn would make for an exceptional member to any squad on the grounds of providing great medical care, including plenty of Greengrass for those looking for a more chill skate session. The pun could not be ignored.

13. The Protagonist (Bidoof)

Yes, I named my Ringbearer Chosen Bidoof. I think if we roll with visuals alone, the Protag would make for a pretty sick skater. They get all kinds of outfits, they can learn basically any move, and are basically the Tony Hawk of Octopath Traveler 0. There is a big part of me that is tempted to mock up my Wishvale layout in the skatepark creator in Tony Hawk 3+4... but I'm a little busy doing lists like this, you see. They're almost too easy of a pick, so I wanted to give them credit by placing them somewhat high, but not quite in the top 10.

12. Elrica

Though only a temporary recruit, El the Swordsman kicks ass and is such a dope force for good that she puts her very life on the line numerous times, so that her people can have the freedom to shred. I really like her character/presence in the story overall, her general vibe is that of a punk princess and there are very few archetypes in fiction that are cooler than that. Bonus points for having a deck dedicated to General Mahrez (and maybe a wicked scary-ass one with the sprite of Pardis III).

11. Eltrix

Eltrix was basically made in a lab for me to love. A sailor queen with her own team of hypemaster mariners, who you know just go nuts watching her completely stomp Grandport and its surrounding isles. Boats always make for kickass skateparks (I may have a bias toward Skater Isle and the Cruise Ship from THPS3) and while she isn't necessarily the most chill character in the roster, she has an intensely badass aura that she almost breaks the top ten. Plus, her defense stat is insane, you know she can eat asphalt without batting an eye.

10. Tatloch

Here we are, the top ten, and we kick it off with the most hilariously, unapologetically evil witch in the entire game. Tatloch is bored by any activity that doesn't involve sucking the souls out of buff dudes, which I mean... relatable. However, I really think she might actually be down with skating. She'd love the thrill that comes from launching one's self at top speeds downhill, ollying over piles of the dead and damned, cackling as she draws the screaming essence of life out of Geoff Rowley's body. Now that's what we call a darkslide.

9. Sazantos

This list is a little spoilery as is, so I'll just say that this is yet again another vibechoice. He is indefatigable in his quest and I'm sure he's just as indefatigable in his desire for nailing that gold medal in the Tokyo skate comp. For those who have beaten the game as well, you know he would have THE sickest outfits and looks based on events toward the tail end of every thing.

8. Delitia

Delitia is my choice for the #1 huntress in OT0, and is a perfect fit for THPS. Top tier design, energy, and gameplay, she would be a master of triple flip tricks. Everyone in Tony Hawk's starts off with certain stats that fit them, and Delitia would have absolutely insane Flip out the gate, on the virtue of her coming with Triple Strike (AKA the move that carried me through the first half of the game). Her insta-kill move would also be perfect if Eric Sparrow ever shows his face, too.

7. Saoirse

Like Alexia, Saoirse never left my party since the moment I recruited her. Unlike her mage compatriot, however, Saoirse would be 10,000% down for hitting the Theatropolis halfpipes. The Songbird of Shredding is a brilliant dancer who quite literally has the wind at her back, the grace of every skater in THPS combined, and a buckwild athleticism that would help her absolutely cream any competition that comes her way. Do you know how hard it is to sing AND dance at the same time? Her attitude is what differentiates her from our other dancer, Primrose. Saoirse is a ball of sunshine that is more than capable of completely nailing every mission task on School II on her first runthrough.

6. Xerc

Here is our proof that some scholars are educated in the fine art of hangtime. My man goes balls out with his research, willing to explode entire laboratories for the love of the game. I think he would be just as happy blowing up your local skatespot. He's got sick drip that would look even better fluttering between gaps, and somehow, I know he would incorporate soulstones into making his moves that much more explosive. Not to mention, he would be tirelessly dogged in perfecting his moves. Easy top 10 skater for me.

5. Reime

Recruiting Reime involved the most difficult fight in the entire game for me. She hits fast and hard, and she's got a brutal competitive streak. All of this only stacks her legendary status that much higher, so in my mind, I can easily picture her thwomping any skatepark in Orsterra, all while bragging about how none of them are as good as the ones back east. She brings that sick-ass samurai vibe that is always appreciated in any game, THPS included. That vibe is so strong, it landed her in the top 5, and the rest of her is so strong that she also never left my party upon recruitment - all good reasons for why she's so popular.

4. Isla

Isla has got to be the strongest mage in the game, and by virtue of the quest needed to recruit her, already has total "secret character" vibes. In my previous lists (such as my Final Fantasy VI ranking), I tend to place 'mascot' characters higher up, and while Isla isn't exactly a mascot, she is a cait, AKA one of the best enemies in the OT series. Plus, I mean, come on: cait themed boards, a secret island skatepark, and the cat puns? The devs would have a field day. I also just love that design, the graduation gown is iconic.

3. Goodwin

Guys that just make you say 'hell yeah'. You know this mofo would be so goddamn funny, he has nuclear-grade aura that would make him a shoe-in for everything from THPS to the cast of Jackass. Completely reckless and infinitely talented, he would make for a godtier skater. He has an ability called 'Hang Tough', not to mention he's survived literal shipwrecks, so no man alive can top Goodwin's ability to faceplant and get back up. There is just something to be said about a positive attitude and the ability to sing about near-death bails that helps him beat out most of the competition.

2. Ludo

Some men are born to lead. Some are born to be captains of industry, others are born to shred like there's no tomorrow. Ludo is all of the above. He also may be the greatest example of a vibe-driven choice. It's the look, it's the attitude, it's the voice, but everything about Ludo tells me that he would not only find a way to capitalize on his ability to shred, but help transform all of Orsterra into a gnalier, more x-treme version of itself. He's got some of the most well-balanced stats in the game, making him scrappy on the battlefield, in the item shop, and most certainly on a halfpipe. Just one look at his official character art, and I suddenly hear Superman by Goldfinger playing in my head. Ludo is amazing and all... but we all know there is one many who skates his way to the top spot.

1. Bargello

My friend. My man. Bargello and the Family have my favorite story arc in the entire game. A lot of that rides off of Bargello's well-developed character, including his relationship with the Protag and his friends. But most importantly, this man's vibe is so immaculate when it comes to being chill yet in control that I just know he would not only make for one of the greatest additions to THPS, but would totally make Thrasher's Skater of the Year, and also Valore's Most Eligible Bachelor, and also Valore's Most Edible Bachleor in Tatloch's book. Some characters are just naturally cool. Bargello is the moment.

And thus, yet another lengthy journey comes to its end. Thank you for reading my list of the sickest skaters in all of Octopath Traveler 0. If you enjoyed this list, feel free to heart it and check out my blog for more rankings just like it. If you have any requests for casts you would like to see in Tony Hawk, feel free to comment as you please.

I am not one to shame anyone for spending their earthly existence having fun, but like... dude. I played a wild amount of video games this year. It might have been a little unhealthy, but what can I say? I had a great year.

I don't consider anything I played a waste of my time. Pretty much everything I played this year wound up being awesome. It's impossible to rank my favorites, as they're all pulled from such disparate places in the creative spectrum and every single game is a self-contained, unique, and worthwhile experience. What I can do, however, is highlight the best of the best, in no specific order.

I'm mostly sharing my thoughts in hopes of either letting folks know that these games are worth their time, or to just connect with anyone who enjoyed them, too. So before you dive in:

These are not all games that were released in 2025, but a lot of them are!

Some of these are replays of games that run better now that I have more powerful hardware (and by that, I mean a Switch 2)

There may be light spoilers ahead! I'll bold any titles to make sure you can skip over it, but I'm not going too deep into spoiler territory either way. Enjoy!

Having recently beat Death Stranding 2: On the Beach (and being about 75% of the way to earning the PS5 Platinum Trophy), I thought it might be fun to once again return to my ongoing series of which video game characters would make the most kickass guests in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.

Even better, DS2 released right around the same time as the latest THPS entry (including a remake of my favorite, THPS3). Sure, that was like a month ago from today, but if I can't strike when the iron is hot then at least I'll be fashionably late. If we're mixing games, we can mix our metaphors, too.

This list will solely involve main characters and non-preppers. We can all assume that the Pizza Chef and Mr. Impossible can all shred - I just want to stick to the major figures in the story.

Beware! Light spoilers for DS2 ahead. I'm not going to go bananas with them, but I've also got my personal writing-spoilers-filter set to like... 65%, tops. Also, this is all just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.

I previously did a run down of which characters from Octopath Traveler II and Final Fantasy VI would make for the best skateboarders, for those interested in reading more unhinged rankings. So with that said, let's dive in... to the Beach. The ocean?

First, some honorable mentions:

Lucy

Lucy is placed last on a technicality, as she's pregnant for a lot of the game and it feels bad putting her on a skateboard. DS2 expanded quite a bit on Lucy's character, as compared to how she was portrayed in the first game, and I generally enjoyed her scenes. That said, there really isn't a whole lot about her that says 'I know how to kickflip'. Sure, maybe she could, but I think she would be more interested in figuring out why other people choose to kickflip, what compels them to eat shit again and again across post-apocalyptic America. Lucy is a fine character, but her heart is not found in the skatepark... sure is found in a whole boatload of other places, though.

Rainy

Unfortunately, Rainy is also here for similar reasons. Despite having some pretty good dance moves, Rainy is basically perma-pregnant and it feels a little dangerous letting her go nuts on a coffin board, let alone a skate deck. That said, with all the right safety precautions taken after she's had her kid? She'd rank way higher than most other characters. Complete with moves that incorporate the birds from her shelter, her umbrella - hell, she already gets a decal for your off-roader and bike, so you know her decks would kick ass. With some time (there's a timefall joke here, somewhere) I think she'd make for one of the better skaters, possibly even top 3, so consider this the most honorable of mentions.

12. The President

As discussed on my previous lists, being an elected official does not disqualify you from skateboarding, but it potentially does kind of set a weird vibe. 'Weird vibes' are generally this guy's whole schtick, though, and being a weirdo also isn't a disqualifier (clearly). But still, you have to just be honest when it comes to lists like this. It's a matter of the heart. The guy's energy just isn't there - and you know that's saying something when even Bam Margera can come back for the recent remake. I feel like he'd mostly be irritated with Sam trying to perfect his vert game instead of connecting Australia to the Chiral Network. Now, if we got to skate as one of his walking APAC delivery bots? Doing perfectly calculated ground tricks? That's a different story, that's the correct type of weird I'm looking for here.

11. Tarman

Hear me out (no, not like that... though maybe a little bit like that). His drip is lowkey some of the best in the game. He would have amazing deck designs based around his cat, the DHV Magellan, his hand - and speaking of, incorporating his phantom limb into actual moves has so much room for potential. Whenever I build a structure, I set Tarman as the hologram + that awesome kaiju-ass music you unlock later on in the game. I just think he's neat. Tarman oozes style... like tar, man. His vibes aren't even off or anything, I just feel like he's more into sitting and watching his crewmates tear it up across the Magellan. No worry about scuff marks in the hallway if you've got a chiral printer.

10. The Doctor

The Doctor's character kind of lies somewhere between part of the main ensemble and the preppers, but she's in the trailers for the game so I'm putting her here. The Motherhood would undeniably make a sick-ass skatepark. Her head even has a deck design on it already. Imagine what kind of weird-ass tricks you could pull off if you had 2 left hands (2 right hands?). The vibes are there. She's chill. She's also a literal doctor, so I imagine she knows how to patch herself up if she bites it while grinding through BT territory. Honestly, kind of surprisingly works here, and considering how many games Debra Wilson is in I'm even more surprised she isn't already unlockable in THPS.

9. Fragile

Fragile (especially in DS2) certainly has what it takes to hang. She's even one of the few people who can collect SKATE throughout both the lands of the living and the dead. I think her life beyond working with Bridges has opened her character's eyes to a lighter side of life, and frankly she's just one of those cases where it's easy to picture her character hitting the loop-de-loop ramp at Alcatraz. I like Fragile, though I haven't thought enough about whether she would or would not care about bailing. If we were talking DS1 Fragile, she'd be out of the running altogether. But this is a different woman, one knows how to take a leap, or at least a Beach jump. I think she'd enjoy learning how to skate. On vibes alone, Tony Hawk would love Fragile, since after decades of skating you know those two would have a lot in common. His knees are fragile... but they're not that fragile.

8. Red Samurai

Put the Red Samurai on a coffin board and unleash him in Rio, you cowards. This design is exactly the kind of bizarre, outta left field secret character you love to find in a Tony Hawk game. He might even come with cheat codes enabled, definitely perfect manual and rail skills. I'm fully ready to admit that this is barely a character analysis, this is a choice based off of pure vibes, similar to the President. Honestly, you could copy-paste most of Darth Maul's moves from the original THPS3 and make for a pretty good set. Some characters are difficult to imagine grinding across the blades of the Airport level's helicopter - not this guy. He shreds in every sense of the word.

7. Heartman

Heartman has 21 minutes to skate before he his ticker starts shitting the bed, but that's plenty of time to rack up a high score. Oh sure, he's a charming, bespectacled professor, but that doesn't mean he can't rip a fat 900 varial off of the top of his lab. In fact, I guarantee if you pull on the right book on his lab's bookcase, it would open the door to a secret skatepark, complete with a heart shaped pool. Skateboarding is also great cardiovascular exercise, and though he's probably got to take it easy on that regard... then again, he might be looking for that exact level of rigor. Each round playing him would start with his defibrilator shocking him back to life.

6. Dollman

Everybody's favorite haunted Labubu is a great character who deserves his flowers... and his flip tricks. Fun personality? Check. Strange little guy? Check. Can I color his suit to look like Pee Wee Herman? Check. Yes, he might look a little small on a skateboard, but guess what: Tech Deck sponsors exist, baby, and THPS doesn't pay for itself. Plus, in DS2 he tends to fly around and have some pretty interesting maneuvers in his own regard, so it's pretty easy to see him ragdolling across Suburbia. I feel like he'd be super fast too - like, twice the speed of the average skateboarder model. Sonic the Hedgehog does not hold a monopoly on rolling around at the speed of sound.

5. Sam

This feels like such a no brainer, considering the addition of the coffin boards, his regular use of jump pads, his general aura, his sick-ass fits, his endurance... but most of all, this character has more of an affinity for asphalt than any other character in any other video game. Sam would go to hell and back to get enough materials just to fill out the middle of that godawful mountain area with as much chiral network bandwidth as possible, all so he can bisect Australia with a skatepark. Therein lies the problem though; Sam is a bit too obvious of a choice. He would clearly be numero uno if ever a deal was stuck between Kojima and Tony Hawk, but would he be my pick? Not quite. But I wouldn't complain.

4. Charlie

Okay, I frankly have no idea how far most people are into this game, so I don't want to spoil exactly why and how Charlie - a literal head on a stick- reached the #4 spot. But if you know, you know. You sure as shit know my man has some smooth moves. You may even think he deserves a higher spot, and he might. I love him and I love his terrifying anime-man faces, all of which are going on his skate decks. But that's all I can really say.

3. Neil Vana

I loved Neil's inclusion, it was cool to get a new character, especially one with such a focused backstory. Neil himself would make for an okay skater, sure... but think about it: the real power lies in his themed skateparks. You basically solely fight this dude in bombed out Tony Hawk levels and they're all fucking awesome. Every single one of them, especially his last arena, is begging to be stomped. Throw in some of his flaming skeleton soldiers and you basically have the dopest park his side of the Beach. It would also basically feel like you're skating as Solid Snake, which in and of itself is worth whatever DLC price they're setting for this bad boy.

2. Tomorrow

This character is built in a lab to shred any skatepark in or out of BT territory. Her athletic and supernatural abilities put her leagues ahead of most people, save maybe Tony Hawk himself. I realize anyone reading this list has likely either A) finished DS2's story, or B) straight-up does not care about it, but I still won't spoil the ending altogether just in case. Just know, that if you have seen the things Tomorrow can do throughout the game, you know this girl would absolute melt faces off at the X Games. Throughout the story, you get to see just how quick of a learner she is, so when it comes to raw talent on a skateboard, I feel very few can be placed higher than Tomorrow.

1. Higgs

Higgs is a top tier hater for the ages and a nuclear-grade slut for drama, and holy shit if all of that doesn't translate well to tearing it up at the skatepark. The man basically popularized the coffin board in the game's world, so we already know he's got some game. He has ridiculous moves and the ability to warp around, and best of all? He can bust out his guitar to shred while he shreds. Insane. And the decks basically design themselves! Pharoah themed, of course. Pizza themed, no doubt. Now, his attitude leans a little far into the bad (see: omnicidal) kind of punk, but I'm sorry, Sam the Man - sometimes the bad boy's gotta come out on top.

And there you have it, a list of which characters from Death Stranding 2: On the Beach would survive and thrive in the ghost-riddled hellscape of the Tony Hawk Stranding. If I missed anyone, be sure to let me know.

I recently wrote a ranking list of which Octopath Traveler II party members would make sick-ass secret characters in Tony Hawk Pro Skater. As I just beat Final Fantasy VI for the second time (my first playthrough being well over a decade ago), I thought it might be to the benefit of all mankind that I write the same list, but for these characters.

Oddly enough, I think this one has a lot of tougher calls, but someone has to do it. These choices are mostly on vibes alone, and for the record, I love every character in this game. I just think some of them would make particularly dope skaters - so just like with the other list, feel free to agree or disagree.

14. Umaro

Skating as Bigfoot is not unprecedented for the Tony Hawk's series. However, Umaro would not be a secret skater. Umaro would be one of those weird-ass, Tony Hawk deeplore secrets that you only learn about from watching a 2-hour long THPS YouTube iceberg list. Or, better yet, he'd be one of those playground rumors your friends tell you about, like 'you have to grind the entire bowl in Canada, no cheats enabled, and if you nail it just right then Umaro bursts out of a mountainside cave where you can also see the bones of Eric Sparrow'. Then again, I can just as easily see them making him an unlockable skater after unraveling his esoteric shredlore, so I'm putting him here on a technicality due to an abundance of yeti-and-or-yeti-adjacent representation.

13. Cyan Garamond

I actually don't think Cyan would disrespect skateboarding, I just think he'd encourage his party pals to shred before ever getting on a board himself. Doma's reconstruction efforts might even include a skate park so that Gau has a place to play that isn't filled with monsters. He'd certainly respect the sheer skill that goes into shredding, I just think he's just good at picking his lane (Bushido) and sticks to it. It's also hard to ollie while dual-wielding kazekiri blades, don't ask me how I know.

12. Celes Chere

Controversial to put her so low, I know, but hear me out: she can shred, I know deep down she could do it if she tried. She may be proficient in both magic and physical attacks, but I just don't see Celes wanting to skate. She's basically forced into being an opera singer - a kickass one, as it were - so I know that if she was really needled into doing it, she'd be able to nail that 99.9 score on Marseilles. But therein lies the problem, I think she'd be too annoyed watching Locke eat shit one too many times while trying to kickflip to ever get on a board herself. Celes can certainly survive a spill, at least.

11. Sabin Rene Figaro

He's athletic. He's awesome. He'd come out the gate with a Doom Train deck. But I'm not sure if Sabin has the patience for flatland tricks - not without kicking his way through the deck. The amount of boards this man would snap would set new martial arts records. Sabin would still gladly help build all of the skateparks around the World of Ruin and I think he would have something of an eye for good gaps, but he's kind of like Cyan. He's got his sport, he's great at it, he just knows where his strength lies... literally.

10. Shadow

Oh, he'd be in the game, alright. We all know Shadow would look SO dope on a skateboard. He would have incredible moves. But he would be so goddamn annoying to unlock that nobody would even know he exists. You would have to straight up get every single goal on every single map, including the secret ones, and get every single skater to max stats. Plus, would he really want to skate? I feel like he'd be doing it out of sheer spite. He would, at least, come with a sick-ass board with Interceptor as its design. On one hand, it's extremely easy to picture him doing a 360-melon over the fountain in Minneapolis, on the other hand, you know that sickness comes at the cost of your soul, handed over to Tony Hawk himself, who chuckles while sipping it out of a Big Gulp cup.

9. Strago Magus

A man who can literally mimic any monster's move would be an absolute beast on a skateboard, he'd likely have all of his Special Move slots unlocked right out the gate. The question of whether or not he'd want to skate is up in the air, though. He's shown as kind of clumsy, but his background as a younger guy shows him as pretty ballsy, so it's probably just an age thing. But we're not ageist here. If Tony Hawk has proven anything, it's that you can really put yourself through the wringer and come out on the other end. He would, however, wear a helmet and kneepads, and I don't know why it's so easy for me to picture Strago in that.

8. Terra Branford

Here we start seeing characters that I think would thrive in THPS. Terra busting out moves that show off her Esper look would be the sickest thing imaginable. She's already seen floating around a lot in games like Dissidia so you know her hangtime stat is straight blasted out. But would she actually enjoy skateboarding? Probably. She'd see how much it impresses the kids in Mobliz and would try her best to give them a good show. Plus, I'm not even sure what exactly she'd be doing with herself after restoring balance to the world, so she might as well be learning how to balance herself on a skateboard.

7. Edgar Roni Figaro

If Benjamin Franklin can be a secret skater, than politics are not off the table and Edgar being a king does not disqualify him from the X Games. He's known to have a knack with machines, so I feel like he'd take well to skating. He would absolutely see the whole culture as incentive to get more ladies, and he would not be wrong at all. He would get them... including the demoness from THPS3. He would use his kingdom's spoils of war to turn Kefka's Tower into the sickest skatepark known to man. I feel like he would get a particular sense of satisfaction out of nailing a nollie over the Warring Triad, too.

6. Setzer Gabbiani

If he can convert the Blackjack to a flying casino, than he can absolutely convert the Falcon into a flying skatepark... though, only if he thinks Darill would approve. No, he'd probably just make an entirely new airship, which would basically be the THPS 3 cruise ship, but you know. In the air. He would have all the most stereotypical gambling-themed designs for his boards and special moves. Plus, you just know that handsome mug is not afraid of bailing. Fearless. This is a man who knows how to have fun, but knows how to get shit done when it gets down to it. His whole ethos feels very skater coded.

5. Relm Arrowny

Simply put, she's got the right energy for it. She's like a couple other characters who would take to skating so naturally, on the virtue of her in-game moveset/gimmick. Except being an actual child with actual-child-energy levels would mean she could go far, if she got into it. All of her decks would be her own artwork, or it would be fan FFVI fan art submitted to the devs for some kind of contest. And would her skating antics around Thamasa piss Strago off? Yes. And that makes it even more fitting.

4. Gogo

Gogo can learn literally anything, instantaneously. He would be able to learn absolutely any skate move, any special move, and he would have perfectly balanced stats to fit that mold. Every one of his boards would just be pixel art of the other characters. He's so strange, his lore is so vague and bizarre that his entire existence is already just 'secret character'. His inclusion as a THPS secret character would be one big meta gag, which is so fitting for a game that is fond of shitpost humor. For me, it's really easy to picture him and his I-don't-match-like-Caillou-outfit fluttering around while hitting a cannonball 720 off of the first gap on School 1.

3. Locke Cole

Locke just looks like he was made in a lab to be the Tony-Hawk-Final-Fantasy-Crossover guy. On pure vibes alone, this guy just fits in seamlessly with a skating game. If you put him on the original THPS roster and let people play as him, they'd never bat an eye, they'd just assume he's some skateboarder they've never heard of. He's a thief. He's a rebel. He's absolutely tearing up Vector the first chance he gets. He'd have the craziest speed stat and definitely more than enough balance to prove himself as the best street skater on the roster. Bonus points for having a Phoenix/Rachel themed board.

2. Mog

Marketable plushies, ahoy - if SquareEnix was going to needlessly foist any character into a Tony Hawk game, you just know it would be a moogle (or Cloud Strife). Mog's moveset has him adapting to actual landscapes, so he'd take really well to any park, whether street or vert. He's quite possibly the best Dragoon in the game if you equip him with the right gear, so you know that airtime is insane. Plus, just think of those little wings wiggling around whenever he's doing grab moves. He loves breaking the fourth wall. His energy is as goofy as his board stance, he's almost the perfect secret skater from this game.... almost.

1. Gau

You can literally throw this kid to the wolves, and he comes back knowing their deepest secrets. Throw Gau at Tony Hawk? He'll be pulling off 900s in his sleep. He's like Strago and Gogo, but with way more Bart Simpson energy, and no, I don't know how to explain that. It's probably the hair (which just screams 1994-era skateboarder). Put Gau in absolutely any skatepark, next to any pro, and he'll be copping their moves instantly. He's got complete over-caffeinated-on-Red Bull-energy. He's tough as nails and has the highest potential for sick moves out of anyone in the cast. And all those monster-themed boards - Chocobo, Behemoth, Stray Cat... need I say more?

And there you have it, a list of which characters from Final Fantasy VI would survive and thrive in the stark aftermath of the Tony Hawk World of Ruin. I'm going to let all of you decide where Kefka might fit on this list.

Lupin

(sax)

He's a nice man.

But he's cruel.

Y'know...

He uses Walther.

Yeah... the machine cries...

bang bang.

Yeah, he's the Lupin the III.

Nice man. Yeah - he smiles.

And he gets angry

(sometimes)

But...

he's a groovy guy.

(AUDIBLE RIP IN THE SPACETIME CONTINUUM)

Yeah. Lupin III.

Go...

go man.

You got to...

FEEL it.

Yeah, Lupin. Yeah, Lupin.

With the advent of THSP3+4 right around the corner - and having just played through one of the best RPGs ever - I thought it might be best to sort out just which of Octopath's namesake Travelers would make sick af cameos in THPS, with notes. Enjoy, feel free to agree or disagree with this assessment.

8. Osvald

This man objectively despises fun, in all of its form, including skateboarding. He's way, way too busy puzzling out the mysteries of monster blood to spill his own by eating shit on a halfpipe. He doesn't care about what's going on in the haunted house in Suburbia, or where exactly the Evil Tiki portal leads to, because neither have answers to the One True Magic. If only he knew the true heart of magic is found by getting a 99.9 during the Rio skate competition, by grinding the outer edge of the skatepark (seriously, try it - there is nothing better in this life than hitting that full loop).

7. Temenos

I love Temenos. He might be my favorite character in all of Octopath Traveler. That said, he is 100% too busy working on his Fire Emblem 7 LTC on an original GBA cartridge to worry about learning the optimal route around Skater Island. He's overly concerned in sorting out an optimal army in Final Fantasy Tactics, without using Ramza as a monk (but he still uses Cid). He's a great character, but he would be such a chore to deal with at the X Games. He was the first to call out Otto Rocket for not actually nailing that Super McTwisty 9000. Doubt is what he does, after all.

6. Castti

While Castti doesn't choose to shred, I believe she still can (it's just really easy for me to picture her doing a cannonball grab through the greenhouse glass on the Cruise Ship level). Still, I think she'd prefer to sit it out, too. Love her character. She might even have one of the best stories in the series. Doesn't mean she likes skateboarding, though... but I don't think she'd hate it. It likely keeps her in business.

5. Throné 

This is the purest "sure, I guess" choice on this list. She was my starting character and I loved every chapter of her tale, even with how dark it got. She's way nicer than your typical femme fatale - but can she land a Christ Air off the Skyway Gap on Downtown? Actually, yeah, I think so. She'd nail it with style. Throné proves herself to be chill af time and time again, I think she'd respect skateboarding for what it is.

4. Hikari

Hikari shreds for his friends. Also, can you imagine a THPS level based off of Ku Castle/Castle Town? Because I can, easily. That entire palace might as well be the Burnside of Solistia. Not to mention, if you punch in the Konami Code then you also unlock Shadow Hikari. he would 100% have the sickest board designs, too.

3. Agnea

This is kind of easy pickings, she's not only a dancer but an incredible entertainer. You know her Special moves would be absolutely beyond extra, though maybe a little hard to pull off. Her rail and manual stats would just come blasted to max out the gate. Agnea Bristarni is the closest thing JRPGs will ever have to Rodney Mullen (sentences you will never read anywhere else, follow me for more).

2. Partitio

This is 100% vibes. But I know, I just know that I am not the only one who can easily picture this guy pulling off a 1080 Madonna off the final ramp of Downhill Jam. He just has the right energy. It's not even a skill or character thing when it comes to Partitio, even though I think he is the heart of Octopath Traveler II's team. I just know in my heart that he's friends with Tony Hawk. Partitio is currently retrofitting Roque Isle into a free-for-all secret level.

1. Ochette

Consider the following: using an owl to help you bridge sick gaps. Boards designed after Tera, Glacis, and Acta. Busting out even more monsters for Special moves - plus, unlike the guys at last place here, she'd absolutely love skateboarding, and that's what's most important here. Every skateboarder I knew in real life was basically fueled by Slim Jims and Monster, so if ever there's been a perfect fit, it's our favorite beastling.

And that's it for our list of Octopath Traveler II characters that would make for awesome Secret Skaters in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. If you have any other popular JRPG filled with characters you believe could shred, let me know and I'll rank them. I'm playing through Final Fantasy 6 again right now, so those guys might be next.

Nominees will be absorbed into the continuum and granted the power to alter, create, and destroy any form of matter or energy. Is that how it works in the Star Trek universe? I don't know, I don't care. It's Q time. Nominees are chosen on the grounds that they have Q in their name.

Yes, there are many more characters with Q names.

I'm getting back onto Tumblr after a bighuge break (I also lost my old login info, so fresh start over here!)

What will this blog lead to? Who knows! In celebration of this return, I'm sharing some of my old Miiverse drawings that were salvaged after it's shut down. Enjoy!

I love to draw, and I love to write. I am a freelance journalist who often covers music news, so I'll share anything that's particularly neat.

Here's a list of game series I love and follow. Feel free to follow me if you'd like to see drawings and whatnot of all this stuff, and I'll gladly follow back:

Story of Seasons/Bokujō Monogatari (especially Mineral Town)

Fire Emblem

Yakuza/Like a Dragon

Octopath Traveler

Bravely Default

Harvestella

Final Fantasy

Metal Gear Solid

Death Stranding

Earthbound/Mother

Castlevania (mostly the games/rarely the show)

Wild Arms

Resident Evil

Silent Hill

Pokemon

The Legend of Zelda

If you like the old Miiverse drawings, you can check out more at the Archiverse page for my old 3DS profile, Aujourdoof.