Meat Eater

Working out in the AM (A How-To Guide)

1. Wake up early: It hurts. This part isn't easy. Its the worst part. THE WORST. 

2. Go to gym: Work it in a haze. Don't worry. You'll wake up eventually!

3. Take pictures of your gorgeous city: (if applicable)

4. Reward your hard work: I choose a un-sweetened ice coffee with Milk. My fave.

I'm doing it! I've done it 2 days in a row and I've packed my bags for a third. 

Where have I been? 

(Hubs family cottage. Relaxville)

Summering. And not writing. 

Not really sure where my blog-mojo went. But it left for a while. I've had 100001 ideas for blogs but truth be told--its hard to start again once you've stopped. 

What's this blog about if I'm not trying to diet and follow a direct meal plan? I just didn't know. To be honest--I'm still unsure. 

But I've thought that writing about my journey to health was very therapeutic and actually helped me think about health in a different more balanced way and I think that's important. So I'm back! 

I'll give you an update about where I am:

EATING

I'm not succeeding here. I am trying to be balanced but this is hard. 1 chip turns into 70, 1 bad meal turns into 3 and so on. This has always been the problem for me. Its why the 'just not eating so bad' diet has never really made me feel good. I seem to just eat and eat --especially the things are no good for my body. 

I have a constant struggle about knowing what makes puts me at a healthy weight vs not wanting to obsess about being at a certain weight. 

When i made the decision to cut out any refined carbs I dropped a lot of weight and felt good. I really did. My stomach felt great, my body just worked better. 

BUT just because I feel better doesn't make saying no to a pizza or a cheeseburger (or cheeseburger pizza) any easier. Its hard. In an attempt to recapture balance I decided to add these foods in moderation. Except--moderation has never been in my vocabulary. I am INSTENSE (right SRK? ;) ). 

In short: I'm still trying to figure this out. 

MOVING

I'm actually killing it here. I've made a conscious decision to make moving a priority. I have a bet with a work colleague to work out 3x a week. If we don't--we have to pay $10 into a pool. When the challenge is over (end of August) we buy the person who has missed the least amount of workouts a gift card in the amount we've pooled.

This has been a great motivation. Its got me moving again. But I've stepped it up a notch and started back on Harley Pasternack's work out plan from 5-Factor Fitness/Diet . 

I followed this plan for a year before I moved to Edmonton in 2008 and it REALLY worked. Most of all what I like is that the work outs are short but designed to really kick your ass. I've been going straight to the gym every night after work and I've kept it up for two weeks. 

(Me--working it at the gym--the best thing about this work out is its simplicity. A exercise ball, weights and a bench in all your need to whip your ass into shape)

The Night Before

I have to be honest. I was so busy at work that week that I was more worried I would forget something like my bike, or my helmet, or my white (super mandatory) wrist band.

 I was less worried about the ride and more worried I wasn’t organized enough o make it to the actual race.

I did manage to drop off my bike the night before. And woah.

This is where it sunk in. Looking at the sea of bicyclyes. Some with inspiring messages, other donned with pictures of loved one lost.

I knew this was big.

I came home—literally ate the most pasta ever of my whole life. Went to bed and slept like a rock. 

5:45AM June 8

I woke up—rested—before my alarm. I was pumped. Amped. All the words that mean ready to go.

I could not WAIT to ride my sweet ride on the open road.

She’s fast, comfortable and I love her.

My bike is awesome. I just wanted to ride my bike—fast.

8:30 AM June 8

I stood among thousands of other riders in a moment of silence to honor the lone bike. The bike without a rider. 

I missed my Nanny and Pappa at this moment. I was/am, doing it for them. Although our time together was cut short—its times like these where I feel closer than ever to them. 

I got on my bike and started to ride.

10:00AM June 8

 I feel awesome. I just rode my first 20K—not super tired. Didn’t fall off my bike and body feels good.

Everyone around  me is so pumped and enthusiastic. Everyone is SO pumped to be here riding. To feel like they're not helplessly watching their love leave them.

Noon June 8

We’re at the lunch stop. Hubs and friends have arrived with a GIANT sign on my head. I’m too out of it to really get it.

I just climbed the biggest bad-ass hill of my life.

My ass and legs are screaming at me. I’m in another world while I try to recover.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

 4PM

We basically skipped the rest stop after lunch. 

BAD idea. 

After riding up an another epic hill I am dying. Dying. 

Cardiovascularly--I've got this. I'm fine. I can do this. 

Physically--I'm in pain everywhere. My knees. My back. My hands. MY ASS DEAR LORD MY ASS.

But I'm ok with it. I'm doing something BIG to help stop cancer. So despite the pain--I can't help but feel great. 

I crash HARD at 930PM

Why I Can’t Diet Anymore

I was really moved by this podcast the other day on This American Life. I’ve already referred to it in last week’s posting but it was about a young dude traveling across America asking older people what advice they’d give their 23 year old self.

I thought a lot about what I’d tell my 23-year-old self. I had a nice long think about me and basically it came down to the fact I’d be embarrassed to tell 23 year old me that I’m older, wiser, and still not happy with my body. What a disappointment.

Now, don’t misread that last statement. I think being happy with ones body is a mental act not a physical. The plain truth is that what I look like now is what I’ve looked like most of my adult life and I’ve been in denial about what is beautiful.

From time to time I’ll slim down, cut a lot of what I love to eat out of my life and claim victory. But is it a victory? I still spend most of my slim days obsessing about food and numbers on a scale. 20lbs lighter me is no happier with her body than 20lbs heavier me. 

I think MOST of all. I have never felt comfortable admitting that I’m on a diet. Admitting you’re on a diet is saying, “I don’t like a part of me.” I would say this while championing that women should feel empowered at any shape or size. How could I do both? I just didn’t feel right about it. I know so many women in my life who are trying to change their bodies—and I just don't understand why--they're gorgeous and I don't see why they need to do anything to change whats already awesome. (Disclaimer: I really don’t judge if you want to be on a diet or not. If you want to eat this, that or the other. Who am I to judge? I’ve been on a diet forever. If you feel unhealthy—do whatever you need to do to feel healthy again.) 

THOUGHTS ON THIS WEEK

I’ve been hardcore dieting non-stop for about 3 years. This week was a bit strange.  I felt free to eat what I wanted and there it really did feel like the n ‘mental shackles’ were being broken.

I’ve been exercising at least 3 times a week. Running and spinning. Body is moving. I eat mostly meat, veg and salads but ate certain foods that have been previously banned without guilt (ice-cream, potatoes, pizza crust).

OK--I haven't blogged because I'm not sure what I'd say. 

I am just so tired of trying to lose weight. Unfortunately I'm not one of those people who can casually just 'watch what they eat' and oh look, I've lost 10 lbs. 

I'm obsessive. Its not fun. I can't relax. 

So I'm not doing it. 

Here's what I'm doing--nothing. I'm going to make healthy choices when I can. I want to be healthy but I'm not obsessing if I eat a piece of fruit or a slice of bread. I'm not going to worry if the dressing on my salad has some sugar in it. 

Lower carb meals make me feel good so I'm going to eat that way most of the time. But if I can't--no.big. deal. 

I'm 30--when have I not been dieting?

What I DO want is balace. New goal. Balanced me. Balanced mind, balanced meals, balanced body.

I've recently spent a lot of time obsessing about food that I've forgotten about what a healthy body feels like.

My boss and I have committed to 3 days a week of some sort of physical activity. Balanced Me has felt like running so I have been. And even making up my own spin classes when I miss them in the morning. I feel so great. And because I'm probably eating more I'm not so tired during my work outs. 

I also listend to last week's this American Life where some 20 year old kid was travelling all across America trying to get advice from older people about what he should do with his life. One of the men he interviewed talked about taking advantage of the fact that your body just works and you can move it in just about any way you wanted to. That quote hung around me for a few days and I thought--I REALLY need to start moving this thing again. I need to be grateful for a working body that can go for runs, do rides to conquer cancer, and walk cute dogs like these girls:

(Me--making up a spin class)

So--I eat meals like this now:

And don't feel guilty about iced coffee with cream.

I feel great! Furthermore, I've put away the scale. Its also no more. 

So--I went on vacation. To Disney and Miami. Which was amazing.

Here are the things I learned on our Disney vacation: 

1. I can't get up early--even for Mickey Mouse

2. Disney is pretty fun at night. Especially at piano bars where they serve 32oz blue drinks and you can't remember how you got back to your hotel. Damn you Jelly Rolls (probably my fav night there though :)

3. You are never too old for Disney World

4. Except when you realize you are waiting in line to meet characters and you are for sure the only 30 year old without a child in line. And you leave the line immediately.

5. Except when you go to 'Chef Mickey's (a character themed breakfast place where Mickey and all of his friends serve you breakfast) and you are the only 30 year old couple there (I don't regret this though--it was awesome). 

6. Epcot is the prettiest park. 

7. A Dole Whip is worth the 25 minute wait in line.

8. You NEVER have to wait for a bathroom at any Disney Park

9. Space Mountain IS still scary

10. Tower of Terror is worse (and made even more horrible when a 9 year old mocks you for screaming so loud. Bitch.)

Things I learned we learned in Miami:

1. We are NOT 21. 

2. I will not spend $1500 on bottle service

3. I will not spend $80 Cover at a club.

4. I am NOT 21.

5. I am REALLY NOT 21. 

I'm home--back on the eating track again. I've been eating cheese here and there mostly out of pure business but I'm not being so hard on myself. 

I had a mini-freakout in Miami. I have to admit it. There were a lot of rich, hot 21 year skinny-ladies there and I just felt bad about myself. But I don't know. Watching them eat lettuce leaves and a slice of chicken didn't look like much fun.  And like--I WORK AT BEING THIN CONSTANTLY. LIke---really. I'm just not sure its worth it. 

I NEVER want to be that girl who eats lettuce on vacation. I can honestly say by the last couple of days I was thinking "these ladies may be skinny and totally hot but the girls must be SO HUNGRY" And how can you be having fun with lettuce (um..you can't make friends with salad)? 

This blog was designed to be about eating healthy and trying to be the best me --and it still is. But the best me can't be obsessing over food all goddamed day. It's too tiring. I'm going to continue to eat low/slow carb because I feel my best when I do but whatever happens happens. If I don't lose weight, whatever, I'm feeling good and not gaining. 

I'm also hitting the gym more--this is something that is sorely lacking. The best me needs to appreciate that I have a working body and I needs to WORK THIS THANG. 

Until next time meat-eaters. 

BACON WRAPPED PORK LOIN.

My man made this for me yesterday when I got home. Yes. He’s taken. Back off. It was just as good as it looks too. 

Exams are officially over and I’m no longer a ‘student’ for the next few months. Its lovely. I jumped right back into full time work today and loved just going to work and coming home. Who knew?

Headed on a vacation —-will be on posting hiadus and the week before vacation is always the cray crayziest. That being said I’ve been eating really well and feeling great. 

Scale isn’t moving. 

Maybe a WEEEK IN FLEEERDA will shake things up a bit?

I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose like 15lbs just seeing Mickey Mouse for the first time. THE FIRST TIME!! AHHHHHHHH

That firey orb in the sky IS THE SUN. 

THE SUN!

Dog and I went for a beautiful stroll in the hood today. Tulips are my favouritest flower and I took about 700 photos of them this morn. 

Spring reminds me of coming back to Toronto last year. I was a hot mess last year. No job, no apartment and husband back in Aus. Things we a bit tough. But springtime in Toronto is beautiful and I coped. In the Spring, people leave their homes, flowers bloom and the sun shines. THE SUN (I miss the Perth sun).  It made things ok. In fact..it was a lovely place to come home to.

Toronto calms me. Its a place where everything is crazy: moving, shaking and going constantly. But knowing that the city is always a buzz instills a calm in my brain. I think its why I've always been drawn here (even as little girl exclaiming to my horrified mother: I'M MOVING TO TORONTO WHEN I GROW UP) and its why my love affair with the city is still strong a year later. 

I start full time work when I return from vacation in May. I haven't worked full time for over a year (though, one would argue that working and going to school is MORE than full time...) and have really enjoyed walking my dog and strolling through the streets on a weekday--I shall miss our times together...

GOALS UPDATE

I made goals for the week on Sunday. 

I have stuck to those goals: I've tracked my food, planned my meals and headed to the gym. BUT I got a stupid head cold Tuesday and haven't been to the gym since that day. 

I didn't lose 1.4 lbs--the scale didn't move. But I've done all the right things so i don't feel that bad--I'm attributing it to water retention during cold. Headed to the gym to snort, and cough through a spin session tonight and headed back tomorrow. 

OH--also. I had the very best spin class ever Tuesday night. The BEST spin instructor I've ever ever ever had. Music was fantastic and people were screaming in the delight the entire class---my kind of place. I'm getting up early to catch her again tomorrow too--so that will also fulfil my goal of gym 3x a week. 

Enjoy the sun, the spring and the season people. 

and this time--I REALLY REALLY like it.

There is literally no-one better than Grape Lady to demonstrate that even the best, brightest, crush grapes with their feet, stumble, fall, and cry like dogs when they hit the ground 

To say my 'I'm sick of dieting' rant last week equates to the intensity of aforementioned video may be a bit of a stretch. But I was very unmotivated and was feeling sorry for myself. I think the weather, combined with a sad sad news cycle made me just say to hell with it. Last week was bad. 

Since January 1st, I've lost about 12lbs. This is good. I won't discount that. But out of those 12lbs were the 8 that I put on the month of December. I consider the majority of my weight loss 'Santa Weight' (Santa Weight: when you eat like you're Santa in the oldy version of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer when Santa is skinny and worried he won't be fat for Christmas. Spoiler alert: HE GETS FAT). 

I've seemed to have hit a plateau. Probably because its natural to and because I also haven't been as diligent. I have another 10lbs to go to my ideal and healthy weight.  

They say the definition of insanity is to do the same things over and over and expect a different result SO

Here are 5 things that I'm going to differently :

1. Start tracking what I eat again. This works. I used FitDay. It has a super large data base of food and gives you an indication if you're eating like a maniac or not

2. I've planned my gym schedule. Husband and I have made gym plans and we are going.

3. I am going to plan my meals. I think this is just as important. I get into trouble when I don't have a snack/meal planned. Pizza never looks better than at 3pm and you haven't eaten since breakfast (not eating for this long is stupid...don't do this).

4. Sign up for mini-physical activity events. Husband and I signed up for a run in June. Not super long but keeps me motivated to not be gross all the time and just sit around. 

5. Set small goals.  This week's goal: Go to the gym 3x and lose 1.4lbs.

Here's to doing things differently!

Peace out plateau!

I had a moment today where I just wanted to stop thinking about food every moment of my life. 

A guy in our office made home made butter tarts and offered everyone one. I didn't take one--like normal. My boss looked at me and said "Amanda, its just food." She wasn't being mean. She was almost saying it out of concern--like...its ok....it won't hurt you.  

My mom sent me a note yesterday asking if I could help her cancel her weight watchers membership. She said "I've lived my whole life dieting, I'm finished" 

I follow an amazing blog at 125.msn.ca. Liz, the blog's author, has decided to take a food break as well. 

All of these things in my life are happening and I can't help but think "I'm tired of it"

Maybe. I'm just supposed to look like this? Maybe? 

Real blog. 

Sorry for the lack of postings. One word: exams. That’s about all you need to know.

A few updates

Stuff I Put In My Face

 I’m not doing so well on my 5lb challenge. I was doing well until a certain Fleetwood Mac concert last night. 2 cocktails in I may have decided to screw eating healthy and ate a huge burger and fries. BUT this could have been avoided by the following ways:

Don’t drink cocktails and diet. I know people like to claim that alcohol slows your weight loss blah blah…but the reality is that alcohol slows your weight loss because it makes you want to eat EVERYTHING…and then you do. Because you’re drunk.

I didn’t eat anything by the time I got to dinner. I had exams all afternoon and studied all morning. I. was.famished. Don’t ever let yourself get in that situation. By the time I got to the restaurant I was ready to eat juuuuuuuuuuuust about anything you put in front of me. I actually think I’m going to pack some almonds in my purse to avoid these little binges.

Making a Bike Move With My Legs

Last week I hit up 2 30 KM trails. This week hasn’t been so great because of exams and general life cray but I hit up a spin class Monday and plan to go back Friday evening if I can make it after work.

  Stuff I Put In Other Peoples Faces

I reached my fundraising goal! I did it! WOOOO! I promised to make the person who put me over $2500 would get a cake personally delivered by me. It worked!! I raised $375 in 1 NIGHT! Amazing. Thank you again to all my donors.

I made the winner my favourite carrot cake receipe from www.thestonesoup.com. The last time I made it for someone they told me they ate it for 8 days straight. I like those odds. 

Here’s How it went: 

I lined the springform tine with parchment paper and oiled this baby up just a bit. I also preheated the oven to 350 C. 

250gr of brown sugar and 1/2 cup of oil--spin that UP.

Add eggs--SPIN IT UP.

This is almond meal.

Add it and carrots--stir (IT UP).

Bake 1 hr (IT UP!! Wait...)

Cool that baked cake for at least an hour. Leave cream cheese and butter at room temperature during this time (makes mixing later waaaay easier).

Some some sexy cream cheese frosting.

Frost, decorate, give to whoever you like (preferably me).

Pet a dog--you did well.

THEN: be inspired to 'EAT CAKE!' and watch this clip:

WEDDING!

My sister in law got married this weekend. It was beautiful and a day to connect with family and meet many new people.

I love weddings because although they’re obviously bringing together  two people in love, weddings also introduce guests to each other, bring together families and remind you how nice it is to be in love.

Everyone feels great at a weddings and I was honoured to help out in small ways with my sister-in-law and new brother-in-law. Congrats H&G!

WHAM!

The sound I made falling out of aforementioned wedding. 

Here's proof:

 WEIGHT

Um. I ate everything this weekend and I felt awful all day Monday (that may also have to do with the fact that several Wines (also starting with 'w') were also consumed….Hey--it was a wedding!)

I don’t feel healthy or nice.

I wanted like to feel like I didn’t gain 15 lbs (clearly that’s impossible in one weekend…right?) this weekend so I hopped back on the slow carb train yesterday morning by indulging in a healthy breakfast:

 2 eggs, Spinach and some breakfast sausage

 WHEELS

I had a WAY better time cycling yesterday. I wore gloves, appropriate clothing and cycled in much better weather.

I clocked about 30kms in about 30 minutes. I’m really thrilled about it and it confirmed that I can ride 200km. This is totally doable and will probably kill me a little bit instead of a lot.

 ALSO…

I’m only $275 away from my fundraising goal! Have you donated yet? You can do it! I believe in you!

 WORKING (IT)

 Classes have finished an exams begin on Wednesday. I have exams on the first and last day during the exam period. I enjoy having my exams spread out so much—but seriously. I just want school to be over.

 The advantage to exams is that I literally want to do ANYTHING else but study. Which means I am at my MOST productive right now. I am doing everything to avoid studying . My house is super clean, my dog is SO exercised, and I’ve made appointments too all the errands I’ve been avoiding. What’s the saying? If you need something done, ask a busy person (except—not me….sorry. I’m like…really…busy).

 This is me studying for exams. I hate it.

  WAY TOO MUCH CAFFEINE I drank all of this yesterday:

WATER Not enough made me feel like this today:

WALT DISNEY

This month, I’m going hard.

I’m only 26 days away from Mickey, Minnie and many other costumes characters that I will jump on top of.

After Disney, husband and I head over to Miami—and I don’t want to feel bad about myself—so I’m not going to.

I am making a goal to lose 5lbs this month. Totally healthy and doable.

I’ve written in down—isn’t this an Oprah WINFREY( ‘W’ word y’all) thing? Write your goals and they will happen.

WISH me luck.

Today--I rode a bike. This bike. This gorgeous, gorgeous bike. Today I rode a bike because this weekend's weather fooled me into thinking that it was nice enought to ride a bike. It was not nice enough to ride a bike.

Here are the things I learned today:

1. Wear full finger gloves when riding a bike in 1 degree weather. Why I didn't know this before surprises me too. 

2. Don't put your iPhone in your loose pocket to watch it fall out of your pocket riding at high speeds--then watch as your head phones are ripped from your ears into the spokes of the bike. This jarring and sort of painful.

3. Win! iPhone didn't break!

4.  You won't fall in bike shoes (I think?). When your phone drops out of your pocket and you forget your feet are clipped firmly into your pedals, they will click out and you won't totally fall on your face (this time). 

5. Wind is strong. Don't act like the wind will suddenly 'go away'.  Especially when you try to bike against the wind first--turn around because its too crazy hard--realize the other way is easier and ride for like 5 km. Hey dummy--you're eventually going to have to turn around again---and bike for 5 km against the hard hard hard hard wind. 

6. Your body may be in shock after riding in horrible wind--not sure what the fuzzy-headed feeling I had as soon as I finished my ride. But I'm pretty sure its physical shock. Preeeeeeeeety sure. 

7. Get some cycling clothes. You look like a moron in red tights with your ill fitting shorts over top. Get it together. You look crazy.

FUNdraising/Fitness/Fatloss (aka--I love alliteration)

1. FUNdraising: I sat outside my local LCBO for just over 3 hours this weekend and raised another $160 bucks towards Cancer Research! HIZZAH! That combined with a very generous donation from friends has me only $625 away from reaching my fundraising goal of $2500. Its TOTALLY going to happen! I'm going to be someone who raises thousands of dollars for cancer research. I'm so thrilled and grateful, indebted to all of my donors--seriously we're a part of some pretty great karmic action happening right now (Also, donate if you haven't yet and you want to--now is a great time--you're just sitting here reading my blog. Do it! I know you can :) )

2. Fitness (of mind): 

Tumblr is one of those places where anyone can write anything--and its fantastic. I'm pretty sure there's a Tumbler dedicated strictly to peanut butter and chocolate--um..amazing BUT there are some downsides. 

Naturally, I follow lots of ladies and gents who are following the same sort of eating principals I am (low carbs, lots of veg, meat etc.). I do this to keep motivated and to see what other tips and tricks other people are doing to keep on, keeping on. 

The problem is there are so many blogs where the author uses the blog forum to trash his/herself. To vent about how weak or horrible they are and how they're just not cutting it. I hate reading this because it makes me sad. 

The reason I started this blog was to exemplify how you should/can lead a normal life and eat healthy (whatever that means for you). Obviously, sometimes you have to say no to the office cake, or eat less etc...there are sacrifices but when we do give in to the cake or eat 75lbs of pasta (aka me last night)--why all the self hate? 

It makes me sad that we can't just be a little gentler with ourselves. I'm not losing the crazy amount of weight I was in Perth--BUT--I'm not gaining either. I wear all of my clothes in my closet now and they fit NICELY. I'm not a size 4. I won't be either but I have a pretty great life and feel like I have healthy balance. 

As women,weight-losers, and healthy people we need to start saying 'good job' instead of 'you screwed up.' If we're not our own advocates then who is? 

As such--I've un-followed about 3 blogs this month that I felt were bringing me down. I think that having a healthy mind is the first step in having a healthy body. 

3. Fatloss 

Last week I lost 2 lbs. This weekend was Easter. I enjoyed every single part of my Easter long weekend and by that I mean cheat day was extended to 'cheat long weekend.' That's ok! Back on track this week.

I'd like to feel slim and trim in a bathing suit in Florida this month so I'll be saying no a little more often but it should be easy--we're entering exam month. A month of staying indoors drinking coffee and forgetting to eat. Don't envy me.

**speaking of school. I've decided to accept my work's offer of full time employment and do my masters part time. My mind is at ease and I'm happy with the decision. 

 That's all for today. And send me your fave low carb recipes in the meantime!