my mind is a mess

- Thomas Jefferson having a mockingbird named Dick

- Andrew Jackson’s parrot being kicked out of his funeral because it wouldn’t stop saying ‘fuck’

- Andrew Jackson beating the shit out of his would-be assassin with a cane

- Andrew Jackson throwing a huge public party in the White House for his inauguration and having to sneak out because it got out of hand. He could only sneak back in when someone got the idea to move all the alcohol outside.

- John Laurens getting out of bed at Valley Forge and hitting his head on the ceiling

- Ben Franklin wanting the national bird to be the turkey

- Caleb Brewster’s reason for joining the continental army basically being that he just wanted to kick some ass and have some fun

- Caleb Brewster signing his name in big letters on spy reports for the Culper Ring

- George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Alexander Hamilton going on a fishing trip together, for Washington’s health

- gay brothels being called “Molly Houses”

- Benedict Arnold ploughing through 337 pages of William Blackstone’s “Commentaries” just to find the word militia for a secret code

- baby farmers (this is some crazy shit look it up)

- Thomas Jefferson having a ram that he called “An abominable animal”. It killed a young boy on the White House lawn.

- Aaron Burr having to ban snacks from the senate floor

- George Washington refusing to respond to a British letter because they didn’t address him correctly

- Aaron Burr being attacked by bedbugs and then proceeding to sleep on the floor for five hours

- Thomas Jefferson being a frat boy in college

- Alexander Hamilton being reported dead after going to burn barns and then showing up hours later soaking wet because he fell into a river

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