getaway car.

am i weird for wanting a polyamorous plot? muse a and muse b have been dating for awhile and both see muse c and damn they’re beautiful and both are like?? should we?? pitch this idea?? muse c could be this cute little flower that’s never had someone truly take interest in them let alone two ppl at the same time?? and it’s actually a healthy polyamorous relationship filled w/ cute dates and genuine honesty like give me this fluff, please!!

also he co-founded reddit but that’s less important than being married to serena williams

My sister hit David Suzuki with a shopping cart

While working a merch booth at a concert I once sold a shirt to Cameron Diaz with (at the time) Lindsay Lohan’s Girlfriend and remarked about Lohan being jealous to a friend. The next customer was Diaz’ agent.

My step-uncle-in-law (son of lady who married my grandfather after my dad’s mom passed) died of an overdose at Carrie Fisher’s house.

I sold an inflatable toupee to Sir Ian McKellan in Oakland. He was in a play with Patrick Stewart and was buying for him. I swear to the Lady his eyes fucking twinkled when he brought it to the counter.

My sister once knocked over Sandra Bullock’s kids in a bouncy house.

Macklemore used to sleep on my step uncle’s couch and they still talk occasionally

My mums an accountant to the guy that played ned stark,  ed sheeran almost stole my friends cat and the lead singer of U2 proposed to my aunt (who rejected him lol)

Back the fuck up Ed Sheeran did what

he thought their cat was a stray and was going to move house so he went “guess I’ll take this stray cat which definitely nobody owns to wherever the fuck im going” and they had to stop him from yoinking their fucking cat

Holy fucking shit

Sara Bareilles’ uncle judged my history fair project in 10th grade. My mom’s friends in high school were super close with Metallica. They used to go to parties at the band’s house all the time. My aunt went to high school with Green Day. My grandparents went to high school with Creedence Clearwater Revival.

My dad used to lift weights with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Jon bellion went to my highschool, he still visits occasionally.

my mom knew magic johnson and they would go clubbing together and he was childhood friends with my ex’s mom’s brothers

I went to High School with Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s niece and every year she has Thanksgiving with Bill Nye and posts a Selfie with him on Facebook and it’s become a Thanksgiving Day Tradition; so last year when Bill couldn’t make it for some reason and she couldn’t post her annual selfie it was a slight uproar 

I met corbin bleu at church and invited him out to laser tag. Loser had to buy pizza. So thats the story of how Corbin Bleu bought my friends and I pizza.

my cousin was a flight attendant for the owners of H&M. Barnaby Joyce (the shitty politician) lived at the top of my street for a few months.

My sister’s friend is John Boyega’s mum

Bruce Springsteen shops at my local mall sometimes and I met him there. My dad accidentally stepped on Paul Newman’s foot in a store once.

One of my elementary school teachers was best friends with Jim Mayer, the bassist for Jimmy Buffett’s backing band. We knew him as Uncle Jim (which i found out later was also a stage name that he used to record kids’ songs). He had a song about using mouthwash that still gets stuck in my head sometimes

My third grade teacher grew up and was friends with the actor Michael Myers. She live right next to him when they were kids. Apparently he’s incredibly nice. No goddamn joke, her last name was Powers

my partner works at a domestic violence shelter that was founded by jesse eisenberg’s mother in law

Family friend’s brother went to school with Tom Hardy, a family member hung out with Winston Marshall, and I know something about someone who met Jake Gylllenhaal but not enough to say much more aha.

Sean Dowdell (Chester Bennington’s longtime friend and writer/drummer for two of the bands he was in and co-owner/creator of Club Tattoo) came to my shop and taught me and my family how to pierce.

One of my grandmother’s very good friends happened to be married to Bob Wills.  The King.  Every few months he’d come by their town and play the dance hall.

I bumped into Benedict Cumberbatch while he was filming the Avengers, spilled coffee all over him, and instead of saying “sorry,” blurted out that Doctor Strange was my favorite. He got really excited and told me no one ever says that.

I think it was my great-great grandfather that was a stage magician, and he worked with Harry Houdini. When Houdini would come over for dinner, he would apparently talk, and talk, and talk. The men on my father’s side of the family are known for being stoics giants, so my great-great grandfather would just let him go on. My great-great grandmother supposedly said that, “He really likes the sound of his own voice.”

@biggest-gaudiest-patronuses once replied to one of my posts.

good times

Hank Green robbed me.

tell us the story

My mother and two aunts were friends with the Braxton sisters in high school and even went to church together.

my mom’s friend is cousins with seth rogen and went to his wedding