holden caulfield if he was a girl

affirmations they will not kill me at work today. it is not in my job description to get killed. if they did kill me at work that would be weird and probably not worth it for them

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

when i was 6 i had a brief vision of a yellow family named bart, homer and others and to this day i still dont know what it meant

i need to get off tumblr i’m at the aquarium admiring the fish and my brain goes “posts that make you want to get in the water” what are you talking about. these are live fish in the room with you. what post.

me: yeah, so one of your most famous works is actually just that commission of a woman that you kept. Honestly, it's less of the piece itself that lead to its fame and more the mystery surrounding it, so I was hoping you could clear that up the decayed corpse of Leonardo Da Vinci that I resurrected: Hai detto che hanno chiamato una tartaruga che combatte il crimine con il mio nome?

Hang on let me translate something real quick

Yeah this is funny

an astronaut foretold to go to the moon by a fortune cookie can be a kind of magical girl, I think

"everyone is paying super close attention to everyone else all the time" actualy statistical error. hypervigilance georg, who enters fight or flight when someone starts breathing differently, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

#this one's for the people who hear 'people aren't paying that close attention to you! I mean do YOU pay that close of attention to them?'#and go: unfortunately yeah!!!!!!!#you are georg hope this helps. love u#hang in there one day u will be able to pay less attention all the time

yoou guys wont be laughing when i suddenly collapse unconscious and have to be taken to the hospital. then youll all see <- normal thought process to have while doing anything i dont want to

“make friends” who am i doctor franking stein

this grave keeper edible aint shit

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reminder that Gregor Samsa’s first thought to his kafkaesque metamorphosis was “aw shit I still have to go to work”

I’m sorry did you just refer to the metamorphosis in the book Metamorphosis written by Franz Kafka as “Kafkaesque”