Welcome to Wonderland

erica: My favourite is ‘butt dial’ VS ‘booty call’.

stiles: Also ‘forgive me father, for I have sinned’

stiles, smirking at derek: VS ‘sorry daddy, I’ve been naughty’.

Mine:

- when I was teaching my dog Pinkman to boop she thought she was getting food for hitting her head on things so for like two full weeks she ran around indiscriminately smashing her face into walls and furniture and then asking for a treat

Training him to sit means he sits on my feet whenever I’m carrying food.  I have tripped over him.  A lot.  He especially loves plopping his ass on my feet as I open the fridge. 

Platform?  Oh shit, that just means he learned how LEDGES work and now he treats the entire house like his own personal platforming video game.  I had to re-arrange the kitchen to move the chairs further from the counters.

High five?  He repeatedly smacks my hand if I’m holding food, because he assumes that’s the same thing as a high five.

The ultimate result of scent-training was that he hunted down the box I kept scented things in and tore it apart.  I MEAN, I GUESS THAT’S THE SPIRIT OF THE GAME BUT STILL.

Food excites her.

Training excites her.

Except...she absolutely refused to learn to close them again. Utterly refused. Did not see the point to doing that. She, in fact, became adamant that all doors should forever be open from that point onwards. No room in the house was allowed to have a closed door ever again. If I got up to close a door she would just get up and open it again. If I went to the toilet and locked the bathroom she would stand outside trying the handle over and over again and occasionally howling about the fact that her magic trick had stopped working.

The only thing that saved us from her opening the front door and escaping was that it used a knob rather than a handle.

my therapist taught me to start thinking of my anxiety as my panicky friend