peter parker headcanons because why not!!! if u disagree just keep scrollin yall this is just for fun <3 (buckle up guys this one's long):
his list of hmos is insane
bider-man (he swings both ways)
he has a minecraft world with tony
he makes dead parent jokes
goes to comic cons in spider-man suit
has the worst fucking luck on the face of the earth
once lost a spider-man lookalike contest
his music taste consists of dad music, pop songs and
he has a spiritual connection to "telephone" by beyonce and lady gaga
does not listen to the kpop demon hunters soundtrack (this is targeted, jay & tori, if you're seeing this)
one of his hmo is jake sully (not really a hmo though if im gonna lie...)
goes to protests as spider-man (mj put him on)
takes home rodents as pets and thinks they're the cutest things ever
he can dislocate like, everything, and pop it back into place
no one ask about his teeth. do not ask how many are real.
"proof i’ll watch anything" on dumb ads
will do patrols with a bullet in his thigh but whines about a papercut
once googled a book mj was reading and was very traumatised (because what do you mean there's a chance she's read james ellroy)
emotionally attracted to an onion
hacks FRIDAY to play megan thee stallion on full volume
listens to the most upbeat pop music when he's beating ass
has the ugliest skinniest most pathetic xmas tree & an emotional attachment to it
ate a tide pod once bc it looked yummy
has webs for every occasion (glitter webs? explosive webs)
enhanced senses make it impossible to use spices so he puts cheese on EVERYTHING
uses the microwave but cant seem to grasp just how long he should set the timer
he isn't immune to bug spray
pretends to be able to understand spiders just to ragebait others (hint, tony)
won't read fanfics unless grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc is perfect
harley could drink motor oil by accident and peter would think it's attractive
used to be awkward and boring but now dances at parties
down BADDDD for science pick up lines
only listens to tony like 75% of the time
kind of a brooding moody teenager honestly
jokes about death and like "im gonna throw myself off this building" when he doesn't want to do something, scares tony shitless
goes to concerts as spider-man and sits up on the roof
drinks energy drinks occasionally but is then buzzing for the next 4 hours. it puts him in a weird state like he's high
his fashion sense has gotten a little better since he met tony
will be updated as i think of more!!!
