THE WRONG VERSION OF RIGHT
✎⠀⠀pairing ⦂ damian wayne x reader l 2.1k words.
࿐ synposis ⦂ when damian wayne quietly dismantles himself trying to be the person he thinks you want. you find yourself drifting from a stranger wearing his face until the real him finally returns for answers.
꒰꒰ involving contents ⦂ reader x platonic!jason todd, wayne manor setting, established relationship, emotional miscommunication and withdrawal, mild angst, fear of abandonment, soft solution at the end.
the very thing about damian wayne was that he never tried to be anything other than exactly what he was. that was one out of a million, in regards to what you had loved most about him... though, past tense felt wrong. you weren't sure when you had started thinking in past tense.
back then, it was a small notice, that you almost missed it three weeks ago.
you had been sitting across from him in the manor's sitting room, venting. the little details didn't matter now... but, it was something about a friend group falling out, the usual social wreck of being a teen, just like him. damian had been listening with his arms crossed and his jaw crushed, tight, like it was the only way for your words to come through.
...and then you said something... something you hadn't even meant in the slightest as an offhand throwaway, in the moment... 'bout how sometimes you wished he'd just agree with you instead of immediately trying to argue a counterargument.
you soon moved on, changed the talking subject and forgot about it by the time alfred came in, with tea.
well, damian hadn't forgotten.
the first sign came unannounced. thrown at you as something for you to rationalise... quite in between, damian stopped pushing back.
you spoke your casual comments at dinner, in the manor. his whole family was there, a different kind of chaos in itself. you trailed on to share with the table, about a documentary you both watched, together. you had gotten a detail wrong, knowing you had even as you said it... your mouth spilling out before your brain could catch up.
you waited for that favoured voice. for damian to correct you before you could even finish your sentence. just a simple, that's factually inaccurate, the study you're likely referencing shows the exact opposite, in his insufferable delivery. after months of dating, you got used to it; his way of soundlessly saying, I'm paying attention to everything you say.
now, you couldn't even bring yourself to react, when all he did was nod, once, like you were... right?! you stared him down shockingly, and he kept his gaze to his plate.
dick, seated two chairs down, had glanced between the two of you like he knew something... you left it at that, by choosing to not say anything, but carry on with dinner.
again, it happened, four days later.
you and damian were in the manor library, focused on completing homework, in either conversation or the comfortable silence you'd built together over the better part of a year. his knee was pressed to yours. his annotated copies were open on the table in front of him but he was yet to turn a page.
you brought something up. a plan for the weekend... something small, like a farmer's market in the city you'd been wanting to drag him to. in order for that to happen, damian needed to tolerate crowds and enthusiasm, neither of which were his strong suits.
"that sounds fine," he said. you lowered your pencil.
fine. damian wayne didn't say fine. damian wayne would have said, that's a forty minute drive for something we could visit locally or I fail to see the appeal or... on his better days, if you want to go, we'll go, tenderly choosing you over his judgement.
fine was a nothing word, one he used when he didn't care enough to have an opinion.
"alright," you dragged the word out, suspicious.
"no." you snatched your pencil back up. "... no problem at all."
after that, you had no clue what changed and why it felt so wrong to be around him in that instant, you simply found yourself reading the same paragraph over and over without absorbing any of it.
by the end of the second week, you knew something was definitely wrong. he was agreeable to every little thing you said or did, leaving his challenging nature behind.
he was doing everything for you, like you weren't capable; which the real damian would have never treated you anything lesser. he was asking your opinion on every little thing, like he wasn't capable of thinking on his own... laughing at things that weren't quite funny enough to earn it, and so on.
he looked like himself from a distance, but felt, up close, like a two dimensional photograph.
... and the worst part was that you had no idea what you meant. when you tried to pin down the feeling, it melted, 'cause with example, he was being a good boyfriend. so attentive, and doing everything you told him to do, without questioning, like a mindless minion.
and yet you found yourself, without really deciding to, spending less time in the rooms he was in.
you spoke to yourself, saying it wasn't intentional. you had homework. you had a call with your mother. you were tired. each reason was true enough to go by.
jason todd noticed before anyone said anything.
he caught you in the kitchen on a wednesday, pouring out a drink you didn't particularly need.
"you and damian have a fight, no?" he asked.
"huh." he looked unconvinced. "he's been weird."
"damian's always weird, there's no one like him."
"different weird." jason took a sip of his freshly made drink. "like... trying weird. you know better than anyone, how he gets when he's trying to prove something?"
you always knew, really well, matter of fact. you'd seen it in his training, in his interactions with bruce, in his determination to come out ahead. your relentless, grinding, pride-driven boy was just so...
"I don't know what he'd be trying to prove to me," you said.
"sure," jason gave you a long, hard look. "I want you to know I'm not getting involved,"
"great," you said. "I so believe you right now..."
"but just to let you know... whatever he's doing, he's doing it because he's scared. which is a new experience for him, so he's handling it with all the grace you'd expect."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"you sure you didn't say anything, a few weeks ago. I wasn't there, but I'm trying to piece it together with what dick told me. but damian took it seriously and now he's..." jason paused, choosing his words. "... overcorrecting."
"I didn't ask him to change."
"I know that. my brother doesn't." he ended with, pushing off the counter to leave alone with your thoughts. "I'm not involved..."
the drift was now impossible to ignore by day sixteen.
you ate dinner in the kitchen instead of with his family twice. you shut down his offer, when damian appeared at the library's door. you answered his texts, one-worded.
...and, well the newly, sanded down damian had accepted each of your draw backs with patience... so unlike him it made your chest hurt.
the real damian would have said something by now; would have shown up at whatever room you were in and planted himself in front of you, demanding to know what was happening between you. he would have been so annoying about it, that he couldn't even go on with his day, without knowing if what you had was okay... oh, the real him would have been too much.
you really missed his version of too much.
damian seeked you out on a sunday, finally.
you were in your room... gradually a gifted room at the manor somewhere around the six-month mark of your relationship... and you were sat cross-legged on the bed with your headphones on, flipping through the sketch book he left behind.
all that historically meaning I am unavailable in every language spoken in the wayne manor. he knocked away…
you pulled one side of the headphones off. "yeah?"
opening the door, he stood in the frame. in civilian clothes, his hair was slightly disheveled for you to notice he had been in the training room. but most of all, he was glaring at you with an expression you hadn't seen in two weeks… very, very tired and frustrated.
"I need you to tell me what I've done," he said.
the real version of him with its demand was back… the refusal to approach anything sideways.
you set the sketchbook aside. "you haven't done anything."
"you’ve really proved that to be false, these past days." he stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. "you've been avoiding me for over two weeks. I've attempted every approach I can think of and each one..." he stopped, brows frowning. "you keep retreating. and I can't..." another stop, too much emotion within for him. "I need to understand what I've done wrong."
"I said you haven't done anything wrong."
"then why does it feel like I'm losing you?"
the question landed hard in its vulnerability. then somewhere inside you finally found words. "because I don't know who I'm losing," you said. "that's the problem. I don't recognize you right now."
he went very rigid. "... explain."
"you've been ..." you struggled for it. "you've been agreeable, dami. you nodded when I said something wrong at dinner. you called my farmer's market plan fine. you've been laughing at things that aren't funny and you keep... you keep asking my opinion on things you'd normally just decide and then do, 'cause that's who you are, and I don't..." your voice cracked slightly on the last word, but you pressed forward through it. "I don't want that. I never asked for that."
his face moved. "you said you wanted me to agree with you more. several weeks ago. you said..."
"I said it once when I was frustrated and I didn't mean it as a permanent character flaw," your words came faster now. "I was venting. I say things when I vent, damian, and I didn't need you to go away and restructure yourself based on one thing i said in the heat of the moment. I need you to be… I need you to be you. the actual you. who argues with me and corrects me when I'm wrong and has opinions that can’t be changed and sometimes makes me want to throw something because you're so frustratingly certain about everything…"
"so you’re telling me," he began, "that you've been pulling away from me because I was attempting to accommodate you."
"well, the person I was trying to accommodate looked wrong, so maybe," you said. "I didn't know why it felt wrong, I just knew it did, and then jason said…"
"jason," damian repeated, his expression shifted and that's when you knew a promised a future conversation with his brother was about to happen.
"don't. he helped." you tucked your knees up. "dami. I don't want you to be less of what you are. I want… " you struggled. "I started dating you because you're the most infuriating and genuinely yourself person I've ever met. you've never performed anything. you don't know how to perform anything. that's…" your voice went soft. "that's rare. do you understand how rare that is?"
"I only…" damian started. "I was concerned that I was…" his lips twisted, thinking. "you’re the only person outside of this family whose opinion of me I have been consistently unable to stay indifferent to. I thought…"
"you thought I wanted you softer."
"I thought I was too much," he said, making your chest ache.
"you're never too much," you replied. "you're just, exactly the right amount of too much."
"that doesn't even make sense."
damian padded across the room and sat on the edge of the bed, close enough that your knee kissed against his hip.
"I shouldn’t have assumed based on incomplete information. It was… " a brief, visible struggle for the right word. "… foolish."
"It was really unlike you," you agreed.
"I was… scared," was clearly not a word that came naturally from him. "I didn't want to lose you."
"I know." you reached over and took his hand. he allowed it, these small casual claims. "but if I were to ever leave, I'll tell you directly. I'm not a drift-away person."
"I was confused. there's a difference." you leaned sideways until your shoulder found his. "and now I'm not."
silence… and then, "the farmer's market plan was objectively never going to work out."
"forty three minutes of driving for something that…"
"… that could be found in an area, near the manor..."
"damian." you tilted your head to look at him. he was looking back, admiring what he had. "thank you."
he didn't ask what for, he just understood. "don't mention it," his thumb traced once across your knuckles, absentminded.
"next time," he whispered, "tell me sooner."
"next time," you corrected, "don't try to be someone you're not."
"agreed," damian answered to you, and it sounded nothing like fine, but like himself.
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