yikes.

So I'm in this headspace where I'm thinking a lot about my body and my genes and my ADHD and all of this stufffff

And now

I've just found out that my great grandmother had bipolar disorder and she took her own life around the time that me and my sister were born so not only is all there all this family trauma, but there's also this very hereditary mental illness in the family and I have ADHD so the risk of having bipolar is also higher... And it's not that I'm convincing myself that I have it BUT now it's just another thing that I feel like I need to be aware of when it comes to my health uuuuuuuggghhhhhh

all my friends are kinda (or very) mentally ill and need space and boundaries and soft vibes, or they don't really check messages often, and I love them dearly and I know i reap what I sow and it's mostly my fault it's this way but I sometimes just wish I had a bestie I could just seek out easily in these moments when I feel like shit