You don’t get to destroy who I am

We are doing something. We’re rejecting allonormative ideals and that’s a massive thing to do. We’re actively fighting not just to help other aspecs, but to help everyone, because amatonormativity (and allonormativity as a whole) hurt everyone. Single people who want to find a partner but can’t also deserve to be able to exist.

There are so many issues with the expectation of marriage, including:

A single income isn't enough to get by anymore

Having a spouse is almost necessary under the current medical system

Society shames and pressures people who are single to get into relationships constantly

Rejecting allonormativity means fighting against these things that hurt everyone.

But when I read that her poison ruined Shinichi’s life (and Ran’s)... hello, no it didn’t? APTX actually saved Shinichi’s life. Shinichi was going to die because he recklessly followed Vodka and didn’t notice Gin coming up behind him, and that was on him (and on Gin of course). If Gin hadn’t used APTX, he would have just killed Shinichi in some other way.

I would argue that it did ruin, or at least heavily derail, his life--but at the same time it's also the only reason he has a life to be ruined or derailed, and the only reason he has any chance of picking the pieces back up. Because, yeah, if it hadn't been used on him he'd just be dead--Gin probably would have just beaten him to death instead of stunning and drugging him.

I also resent comments along the lines of "it tore Ran and Shinichi apart" because honestly? That wasn’t APTX. That was Agasa telling Shinichi to not tell anyone, especially not Ran, that he is Conan (and Shinichi taking it to heart). If Ran had been the first person to meet deaged-Shinichi, he would have told her everything, and we wouldn’t have Conan I guess.

I'd also like to mention that there is actually sensible logic to it at the very start. Logic that would apply even if he had survived without shrinking somehow. "You're supposed to be dead and we have no idea what the scope of these criminals we're dealing with is, we need more information so you should lay low and not go telling everyone you're fine and who you are" would also apply if he survived as Shinichi and needed to keep his survival secret from Gin and Vodka.

The initial decision for secrecy wasn't because of the poison specifically, it was because Shinichi got in over his head and needed to hide his survival from the people who tried to kill him.

(To be clear, it is very human to not let Ran believe him dead. For all his brains, he’s not an FBI agent letting other agents believe his death, he’s a 16 years old kid who got in waaaay over his head. It’s still a logical mistake that could have cost him everything.)

Essentially, he's hiding his survival from the BO, but not necessarily from everyone in his life. The result is a questionable execution of the idea of "keep this secret". Understandable choices given his situation! As you said, he's not a trained agent doing what's necessary For The Mission fooling other trained agents, he's Just Some Guy who got in way too deep. He can't be expected to make the cold, hard choices every time especially not when he's already in a state of panic and confusion and distress over the mess he's landed in.

I also definitely agree that at this point the logic of protecting Ran doesn't really make much sense. I think it made more sense at the start, when they genuinely had no idea what kind of resources their enemies were working with--but eventually it should have been clear that continuing to keep her in the dark wasn't going to protect her. By the Kir arc, sure, but I'd argue even earlier--when Haibara turned up, and could enlighten them as to exactly what they were up against, I think that's the point when it should have become clear that Ran would be in danger no matter what if he poked too deeply or at the wrong thing. If not then, at least by the time the Vermouth "kidnapping" thing happened and Ran saved Ai--that should be proof enough that she'll throw herself unknowingly into BO affairs to protect Conan and Ai, so telling her the truth would at least let her know what she's going up against.

Sherry marks him dead after a month, if I understood correctly (she finds the missing clothes on her second check which happens one month after the first one, apparently), but it’s possible he was assumed dead before the second check already and that was just a formality to make sure.

I do think the protection excuse stops working way earlier than the Kir arc, that Chianti scene is just when it becomes truly obvious imo. I’m mostly choosing to believe Shinichi holds his secret tight as a coping method of sorts, mostly for my own sanity (the way he refuses to come clean with AKAI while letting him stay at his house and openly cooperating with him—not to mention: being perfectly fine with Akai knowing Ai is Shiho—makes me go crazy. It makes no sense whatsoever, like most of the secret keeping at this point, and I want to scream).

Let's be honest, if the manga actually followed its logic, Kudou should have been fucked the moment Wakita walked in a conversation between Ran and Sonoko about Ran's boyfriend and mentioned him by name.

Black Impact is the reason why keeping Ran in the dark is just going to get her killed.

The Akai part is absolutely idiotic. And it's 100% done so that Akai wouldn't reveal information about his father and do something to change the status quo.

Please admire my various Project Hail Mary memes, I fucking love this book, I fucking love the movie, I’m having a fantastic time listening to the audio book on loop.