asscup

Marauders: *stare in silence*

Lily: why are they looking at me like that?

James: well I’m kind of the mom of the group. So they are basically meeting their dad for the first time

Lily: but it’s not gonna be anything like that… right?

The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room.

Robin complaining about Ted's over-the-top romantic gestures. Tracy appreciating it.

Ted complaining about Robin being too independent. Barney telling her he loved that about her.

Barney desperately clinging to youth and Robin understanding that, as oppose to Ted who's excited to get old and settle down.

Tracy and Ted celebrating getting old together.

Barney never wanting to marry, and Robin agreeing.

Barney going down on one knee automatically when he thinks Robin might get deported.

Robin telling Ted over and over again that she doesn't want to get married.

Robin saying "let's get married" to Barney in season 4, before they even start dating, and then actually marrying him.

Barney saying that if he wasn't going to marry Robin, he'd never marry at all.

The writers not being able to think of any reason for Barney and Robin to not end up together other than Robin having a demanding work schedule.

The writers not being able to think of any reason for Tracy and Ted to not end up together other than Tracy dying.

World’s Saltiest Grandpa is the FUNNIEST fucking thing I’ve ever heard in my life and it’s definitely happening jskddlsjfdkls

anyway I feel like the first one would definitely be a. uh. happy surprise™

like, they haven’t been married for a full year and are still settling into their new lives and one day Grover comes over to hang with Annabeth and he senses™ something and is like ‘hey….sweetie….why don’t we go to the drugstore’ and she starts flipping out lmao

anyway once she gets 3 positive tests she starts going into Planning mode, she’s got Grover there and she’s acting all rational and she’s talking about it to Piper and Hazel in their gc and she seems very calm and happy, and they’re coming up with cute ways to tell Percy right

like they started planning out a whole sweet little reveal thing

but then Percy gets home from work and this poor fucker isn’t even all the way in the door when she just screeches from across the room “I’M PREGNANT” and he’s like “W H A T”

so they’re screaming in excitement for most of the night after that lmao

if you think this isn’ t the biggest fucking gossip on Olympus then you’ve got another thing coming

Aphrodite has swooned 12 different times since the news drooped. Hera is screaming. Hestia is about to fucking set up camp in the Jackson’s backyard. Poseidon won’t shut the fuck up about how excited he is. Zeus is quaking. Apollo is weeping and has written multiple dramatic poems about this event. Athena is torn between fuming and excitement. Artemis has shown up to every single fucking doctor’s appointment disguised as a nurse. We’re talking 24/7 coverage on Hephaestus TV, baby

Annabeth is one of those bitches that lowkey thrives being pregnant. constantly glowing. everyone in her birthing classes hates her lmao

Percy 100% gets sympathy cravings and you KNOW it

Sally broke the world record for ‘worlds longest scream’ when she found out she’s SO excited

Piper literally will not stop buying baby stuff like every single week they get more packages of toys and clothes from her

Meanwhile Hazel and Frank won’t stop knitting baby blankets and hats and Leo built a fucking magical crib that would turn into a fucking indestructible barrier if a monster ever attacked AND includes a built in holographic light that will make the room look like it’s underwater

Percy and Annabeth are constantly just talking to the bump and not even in the cutesy way like she’ll fucking be at work and be giving out instructions and then go ‘that sounds good, doesn’t it _(baby name)_?’ or ‘Linda, ____ thinks that’s a terrible idea’ while looking down at her stomach and her coworkers think it’s hilarious

or they’ll be arguing about something and Percy’ll be like ‘Yeah, well, at least ____ agrees with me!’ lmao

She wakes up one day to find Percy put headphones on her stomach and is blasting Adele on them and she’s like ‘it’s classical music to make them smarter, Percy’ and he’s like ‘yeah but SOMEONE in this house needs to not be emotionally stunted so I’m giving them a chance’ jfsksdf

100% Nico has received a desperate phone call in the middle of the night because Annabeth’s craving shit that they can’t get anywhere near them at 3 am so he had to go on a shadow travel run to get it for her lmao

Her mood swings get so insane but like remember on Parks and Rec when Ann was pissed at Chris for just being. TOO supportive? 100% percabeth antics

Annabeth is So Determined to work through her pregnancy and not go on leave and it’s driving Percy absolutely insane

Every single morning he’s just like babe please….be a sane human… lmao

when she went into labor it was. hectic

they had been trying to plan a trip to either CHB or CJ so she could deliver with like Actual Healers who won’t get freaked out if people zapped into the room and also they’d be near family right 

and then the kid was like what if,,,,,,,,I came more than a month early. wouldn’t that be fun

lmao so cut to a scene of Percy speeding down the streets of their little town, both of them screaming their heads of, a fucking flock of owls tailing after their car,

there’s a heavy thunderstorm happening and Percy’s screaming ‘hey ZEUS! NOT THE FUCKING TIME ASSHOLE!!!!’ lmao

so they get to the hospital right. Poseidon and Athena beat them there and brought their mortal families with them lmao

Everyone’s a mess. Fredrick is about to faint and Helen and Paul are trying to get him to pull it together. Estelle is terrorizing Bobby and Matthew so those three are barely paying attention to the baby situation. Sally and Athena have already threatened five different medical professionals to get Annabeth some drugs. Poseidon is practically fucking vibrating 

While Annabeth is getting all settled in Percy starts calling all their friends to tell them and they are SO OFFENDED that they DARE to be in another state whilst Annabeth is delivering so everyone starts fucking scrambling to get there

Nico and Hazel shadow travel themselves, Frank, Reyna and Piper over. Leo, Calypso, Grover, Chiron, Rachel and Thalia physically wrangle Apollo into driving them there in his chariot. Magnus and Alex had to blackmail Sam to fucking fly them there. everyone else had to fend for themselves. everyone is screaming

just….imagine that fucking waiting room

Artemis did in fact disguise her way onto the delivery team and Percy’s just like….please don’t shoot my wife with an arrow. it’d be awesome if you refrained from doing that,

a nurse tried to tell Thalia that the delivery room was family only and she screamed and knocked her out before running into the room lmao

Grover’s hyperventilating practically the entire time and because of the empathy link Percy’s like dude YOU are freaking ME out so that’s a whole situation 

between all the chaos in the waiting room and all the yelling in the delivery room this maternity wing has literally never been so stressed out before lmao

Annabeth looses all concept of cool and is yelling at the doctor even as she’s pushing

Percy’s hand ends up fractured 

Fredrick is streaming all this on his facebook live and Annabeth is cursing him out whenever the contractions pass

but overall it was a good, safe delivery! no arrows through the chest!

Poseidon, storming into the waiting room, screaming at the top of his godly lungs: IT’S A BOY

everyone in the waiting room:

I don’t feel like coming up with names right now but the middle name IS Charles and NO I am not accepting any dissenting opinions on that

everyone’s crying while they rotate in and out to see them lol

Apollo’s trying to prophecy about how Amazing the kid will be and Percy’s got riptide out and is like ‘he is LITERALLY 3 hours old’ 

Pry This Baby Out Of Sally Jackson’s Arms, I Dare You

after a while the people that had to get there themselves start appearing and making even more of a scene. Like Clarrise just bursts through the doors holding the biggest teddy bear she could find and says absolutely nothing but scowls at everyone who looks at her while she’s holding the baby. the Stolls are fucking climbing in through the window holding a bunch of a balloons. Hedge is making mildly obnoxious jokes. all that

but anyway once they get settled back home and everything. they are the MOST paranoid first time parents lmao

every single little noise this child makes has them on edge. they tiptoe constantly. whom needs sleep

baby doctor on speed dial. “why’d he stop eating???!!?” “…maybe he’s…full?” “…oh.”

but when they’re not busying worrying they have the Cutest Fucking Baby In The World, good for them

Annabeth suddenly realizes taking leave makes sense. her and Percy are like glued to this kid. so many pictures. so many videos. 

once he gets a little older and they have to, like, have Lives again, Percy constantly brings him to the aquarium with him and it’s. CUTE.

the baby LOVES looking at all the fish and petting dolphins omg

okay I’m tired so this is getting away from me but overall I’d see them having like maybe 3 or 4 kids. 

all super cute. all smart. all get up to whacky antics.