Call me Mino. I'm 30 and a mess. they/them, I'm witchy, I like sewing and baking, and I still don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. I may be a little stupid but at least I'm good. twitter @gayandeuropeam
the wisdom ive learnt is that becoming part of a friend group 1) takes a long time and 2) involves a lot of feeling awkward and left out at first. there’s nothing terrible about this but if you grew up chronically lonely or have any kind of trauma relating to social isolation this likely feels Really Wrong and activates danger signals. but both fortunately and unfortunately it’s just how becoming close to new people works most of the time
another thing that was not intuitive to me as someone who grew up an autistic loner: basically everyone on the planet is starved for connection all the time and almost everything people do is an attempt to reach out to another. most seemingly illogical interactions and behaviours can be explained by this. you have to take as many of these invitations as you can. even if you're wrong you still attempted to bring more warmth into the world
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a lot of my disillusionment with the trans "community" comes down to the fact that too many of you take "gender is different from sex" and go "ah ok, so instead of saying women are fragile and men are strong, I should say afabs are fragile and amabs are strong. to be Inclusive"
then you just treat gender like a surface level aesthetic draped over what someone "actually" is. really is indistinguishable from terf rhetoric
you all need to unpack your bioessentialism, but we also need a better theory of gender than "it's just dressup." I will pick my words carefully here, but the word "gender" itself refers to so many different phenomena that have been lumped together, and we need to un-lump them
in a feminist context, "gender" has historically referred to externally imposed categorization and the internalization and performance of said categories. in a paper I wrote on this subject, I called this sense of the word "extrinsic gender"
"intrinsic gender," on the other hand, is what I used to refer to the sense of the word "gender" that a lot of trans people are talking about when they discuss social gender dysphoria and euphoria. it's the internal sense of category that's resistant to external impositions
but then we also use the word "gender" to refer to subconscious sex, which is the term Julia Serano coins in Whipping Girl to name the phenomenon we're talking about when we talk about bodily dysphoria. it is the "gender" being "affirmed" by gender affirming healthcare like HRT and bottom surgery
so, "gender" is: a social classing system, a performance, and at least two internal phenomena as well. and I really don't know if it's doing us a service to conflate all of these things!
a lot of people lately seem to be going heavy on the "performance" use of the word, ignoring (intentionally or otherwise) social classing, intrinsic gender, and subconscious sex. this seems to have led to a lot of "progressive" people treating trans women like men "amabs" who wear womanhood as a costume, and nobody understands why that's wrong because they also think gender is just a performance
furthermore, some trans people experience social dysphoria but not bodily dysphoria, and vice versa. but bodily dysphoria in particular has gained some stigma in the last few years
because we use the word "gender" to discuss both "intrinsic gender" as I termed it above, and subconscious sex, there's been a certain strain of argument from some trans people that says that medical transition reaffirms societal gender norms about bodies, and that bodily dysphoria must only result from externally imposed norms about what kind of body corresponds to what gender, and thus it would just go away if the gendered associations were unlearned
I'm strongly of the opinion, though, that our bodies are not like clothes! gender dysphoria related to clothing would generally have to do with one's intrinsic gender clashing with the gendered norms of their culture surrounding clothes, but I believe "gender" dysphoria related to the body itself is really, in large part, subconscious sex dysphoria, and this component cannot be alleviated by changing norms or associations. I strongly believe I would still seek HRT and bottom surgery if I lived my whole life in a cultureless vacuum
you cannot sidestep my dysphoria by regendering parts of my body I'm trying to change, and frankly it causes me a lot of strife that fellow trans people who flirt with me think they can talk about my body however they like as long as they gender it correctly. the word "girlcock" is not a magic dysphoria repellent, because the dysphoria doesn't just come from the gendering
#(thousand-yard sex-disinterested aroace stare) cool opinion. love seeing this same sentiment 10000 times a day on this website
im also aroace. being disinterested in sex and romance is still sexual perversion in the eyes of the state. get more perverted in whichever direction fills you with the most joy!!!!!!
How to Write a Character’s Breaking Point (+Sensory Details Cheat Sheet)
1. Strip Away Their Last Defense
A breakdown only lands if the character has nothing left to protect themselves with. Take away the coping mechanism they’ve relied on — their pride, their control, their relationships, their denial, or their hope.
The breakdown isn’t caused by pain. It’s caused by the loss of what kept them standing in that pain.
2. Make the Trigger Small but Devastating
The moment that breaks them should often be quiet, personal, and specific, not just the biggest explosion.
A single line of dialogue, a realization, or a tiny betrayal can hurt more than the obvious disaster.
3. Let Them Resist the Fall
Don’t drop them instantly into collapse. Let them try to hold it together first. That resistance creates tension and makes the fall feel earned and painful.
4. Show the Internal Shatter Before the External One
Start with the internal fracture — the belief that dies, the truth they can’t ignore, the hope that finally gives out — then let the external breakdown follow.
5. Let the Breakdown Change Them
A real breaking point permanently alters the character. After this moment, they don’t return to who they were before — even if they heal.
✦ Sensory Cheat Sheet for Writing Breakdowns
Use 2–3 of these at most so the scene stays sharp and not overloaded.
Physical Sensations
Chest feels tight, hollow, or painfully heavy
Hands shaking, numb, or clenched too hard
Throat burning, closing, or unable to form words
Sudden weakness in knees or limbs
Feeling too hot or too cold all at once
Emotional Sensations
Sudden exhaustion rather than loud sadness
A sense of “what’s the point anymore?”
Feeling disconnected from their body or surroundings
A sharp wave of shame, guilt, or self-loathing
Emotional numbness replacing intensity
Mental Experience
Thoughts looping uncontrollably
A single devastating realization repeating in their mind
Trouble focusing on anything except the pain
Feeling like time has slowed or stopped
A sense of being very small, trapped, or exposed
Behavioral Tells
Going silent instead of crying
Laughing at the wrong moment
Snapping at someone who doesn’t deserve it
Making a reckless or self-destructive choice
Withdrawing completely from others
Environmental Mirroring (Optional but powerful)
A room that feels too quiet, too loud, or too small
Harsh lighting or deep shadows
Weather that contrasts their emotion (sunny during despair, storm during numbness)
A comforting object that now feels meaningless
✦ Final Tip
A breakdown isn’t about how dramatic the moment is — it’s about how personally devastating it is for that specific character. The more tailored the pain is to their fears, flaws, and desires, the harder it hits the reader.
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A lot of companies that make things have two separate lines: consumer and enterprise. Consumer is for us poors that the company doesn't need to respect. You can buy more expensive, higher tier consumer items but it's just as fragile. You're paying for more bells and whistles. Enterprise grade is stuff that will actually last because it is often sold in a lot as part of a contract and the contract won't be renewed if the items suck. These things are often just not sold to consumers because why would you ever buy consumer-grade garbage if you could buy this?
For something like computers, this looks like how pricey "gAmiNG" laptops look all fancy but fall apart in about the same timeframe as the lower end laptops for students. But if you've ever handled the sort of laptops for banks or businesses, you'd wonder why laptops can't all be like this. People swear by Lenovo Thinkpads for a reason. Dell's Latitude (general productivity) and Precision (has the power of a gaming laptop but far less bs) lines, HP's probooks, all feel really nice and last for-fucking-ever. But you can't buy them in a store even if you wanted one.
So the trick is to buy what big organizations are buying, but you likely gotta get 'em secondhand when the orgs are done with them. For basic clothes, mil surplus might be a good port of call, for technology see an e-waste recycler or sometimes government auction (you just gotta know what to ask for; ThinkPads, Dell Latitude/Precision, HP Probook/Zbook). Otherwise try to thrift old, pre-enshitification items. The blanket I had as a kid is still going strong and has lived to bury multiple sets of newer bedding (which have worn thin and torn). Kitchen items, see if you can shop at a restaurant supplier.
TL;DR: if you need an item, think "which business needs these to function" and see where they 1) buy theirs (suppliers) or 2) sell their old ones (surplus) and buy that. If you can't do that, look at older, pre-enshitification things.
Tweet by Big Timi @ OrevaZSN that reads:
To be clear, I do not just hate generative Al. I also hate golf, lawns, space tourism, war, monoculture farming, clear cutting forests, building on floodplains, deep sea mining, developments that destroy habitats, and corporations bulldozing ecosystems for endless growth.
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they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.
their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.
longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years
toxic flesh
has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.
lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion
largest genome of any shark
eats everything including moose and polar bears
ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you
it's no doubt been said many times, but global warming is a class issue. not only because how the economy runs and how much environmental harm it produces is almost exclusively controlled by the capitalist class in most countries, but because that class, and its lackeys, move between air conditioned homes, air conditioned cars, air conditioned offices, and air conditioned recreational spaces, while many people in lower classes globally suffer inescapable heat due to the way they're forced to live. the suffering and deaths caused by hot summer days is a class issue
I love people who say "don't even PIRATE the AI generated shows!" I won't lol I have no desire to watch it at all. Why would I pirate that. It's like pirating an ad.
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I am once again posting this excerpt from Why Does He Do That?
"MYTH #4: He holds in his feelings too much, and they build up until he bursts. He needs to get in touch with his emotions and learn to express them to prevent those explosive episodes.
My colleagues and I refer to this belief as 'The Boiler Theory of Men.' The idea is that a person can only tolerate so much accumulated pain and frustration. If it doesn’t get vented periodically— kind of like a pressure cooker—then there’s bound to be a serious accident. This myth has the ring of truth to it because we are all aware of how many men keep too much emotion pent up inside. Since most abusers are male, it seems to add up.
But it doesn’t, and here’s why: Most of my clients are not unusually repressed. In fact, many of them express their feelings more than some nonabusive men. Rather than trapping everything inside, they actually tend to do the opposite: They have an exaggerated idea of how important their feelings are, and they talk about their feelings—and act them out—all the time, until their partners and children are exhausted from hearing about it all. An abuser’s emotions are as likely to be too big as too small. They can fill up the whole house. When he feels bad, he thinks that life should stop for everyone else in the family until someone fixes his discomfort. His partner’s life crises, the children’s sicknesses, meals, birthdays—nothing else matters as much as his feelings.
It is not his feelings the abuser is too distant from; it is his partner’s feelings and his children’s feelings. Those are the emotions that he knows so little about and that he needs to 'get in touch with.' My job as an abuse counselor often involves steering the discussion away from how my clients feel and toward how they think (including their attitudes toward their partners ’ feelings). My clients keep trying to drive the ball back into the court that is familiar and comfortable to them, where their inner world is the only thing that matters. For decades, many therapists have been attempting to help abusive men change by guiding them in identifying and expressing feelings. Alas, this well-meaning but misguided approach actually feeds the abuser’s selfish focus on himself, which is an important force driving his abusiveness.
Part of why you may be tempted to accept 'The Boiler Theory of Men' is that you may observe that your partner follows a pattern where he becomes increasingly withdrawn, says less and less, seems to be bubbling gradually from a simmer to a boil, and then erupts in a geyser of yelling, put-downs, and ugliness. It looks like an emotional explosion, so naturally you assume that it is. But the mounting tension, the pressure- cooker buildup of his feelings, is actually being driven by his lack of empathy for your feelings, and by a set of attitudes that we will examine later. And he explodes when he gives himself permission to do so."
