"We Keep Each Other Human"

Ok, so, Jane Davitt who wrote the very first Wincest fic is an old Livejournal friend of mine. Which means hers was the first SPN fic I read. Hadn’t even seen the show yet but that fic, and those that followed from her and others, really set the tone for how I watched the show when it finally aired here in February 2006. Honestly though, I didn’t even need that because Jensen and Jared’s chemistry was so off the charts, from the minute they wrestled in the Pilot, it seemed a crime for the boys not to be getting it on. And by that I mean both Sam/Dean and Jensen/Jared. First Paley Panel sealed the deal with those two. Wrote my first Wincest fic June 29th 2006, my first J2 August 8th. And then it just took over my life.

It hasn’t been all Wincest all the time though. First off, I was still writing Buffy fic (Spike/Angel mostly) and RPF about those actors for the first couple of years or so, before SPN took over. Second, I read/wrote a lot more RPF than SPN. I was struggling with Sam and Dean’s characterization, being a non-native English speaker that learned British English in school. (I can’t do an American accent to save my life.) RPF is more forgiving, especially once you venture into AU. In the end I stopped writing (and mostly reading as well) SPN and shifted over to RPF completely. Still watching the show, still my favourite, but I wasn’t engaging in fandom, not really, and felt more and more disconnected. Finally I stopped writing altogether. Wasn’t until years later I realised I’d been suffering from autistic burnout for years which got so bad it killed my interest in everything. Then a couple of years ago – now on sick leave and so not being suffocated by work anymore and finally able to write again – I pulled an old J2 character bleed story out of a forgotten drawer. To help me write Jensen’s Dean I started watching SPN from the beginning since it had been a few years. And BAM! fell head over heels in love with Dean all over again. And so I’m back in fandom, not just dabbling but really back, finding new friends and venues to keep me active, and I couldn’t be happier.

Anyway, that’s way more information than anyone asked for.

Despite that roller coaster, my view of Sam and Dean’s relationship hasn’t changed much, their dynamic so to speak. I mean they of course matured and changed, with all they went through, but again, at its core their relationship is the same, just stronger. They are each other’s everything. No contest. Even when they’re out to save the world, even when they’re at odds, when push comes to shove, Dean would rather die and let the world die with him than live without his brother. And Sam would gladly kill anyone if it meant saving Dean. Doesn’t mean they’re right or justified, but damn is it compelling to watch. They are not perfect heroes, and we wouldn’t want them to be. I mean, how boring would that be? They are human, and that’s what makes them interesting. These men are multi-layered, deeply flawed, habitually selfish and repeatedly destructive, towards each other and themselves, and oh my god, they make so many mistakes, putting the world in jeopardy and getting innocent people killed, over and over again. They are petty and childish, and often emotionally constipated. Funny, dorky, complete idiots. So damn smart, each in their own way. Brutal killers, but kind when it matters. Consistently trying to do the right thing, and so often failing, but the point is they try. So whatever is happening, we can’t help but root for them.

SPN and Jensen and Jared had 15 years to develop these characters, in a genre that gave them more opportunities to explore than any other genre could. (Timetravel, soulless, civilian, cartoons! To name a few.) They put their lives and souls into these characters because they actually cared about them. It quickly became clear this wasn’t just a 9-5 job to them, and that held true to the end. I don’t think there has ever been or ever will be again characters like Sam and Dean. And I think we’re damn lucky to have been allowed to share 15 years, and beyond, with them and their stories, be they canon or otherwise.

I did change my personal preferences a bit. I went from being a bibro with a Dean preference, to still bibro but deeply devoted Dean!girl, after Dean sold his soul. That storyline fucked with my heart. Still does. I know, I know, he’s not real, he’s just a character but that doesn’t mean we’re not affected! That’s what good writing and phenomenal acting does.

Also, being in fandom meant being introduced to all those  twink early pics of Jensen and… Holy shit. So damn beautiful it sometimes renders me speechless. I’d been watching him since Dark Angel (Alec is my second favourite) but SPN made me really fell in love with the man. I mean, look at the guy, how could I not? No wonder fan writers and artists like to put him in situations. Love Jared as well, he is a beautiful man with a beautiful soul. And together they are everything a fan can ask for and so much more. Their friendship is not only inspiring but so heartwarming. And God are they pretty.

Sorry, I keep getting distracted.

Maybe the biggest change in my preferences when it comes to fic though, is that I don’t really care so much about the sex anymore, sometimes I barely even skim the sex scenes. It’s all about the story and the feelings [insert Crowley gif]. Except when it is about the sex because, you know, sometimes the sex is just really, really good. And I might be past fifty but I’m not dead!

And yes, I'm posting it on a Tuesday, because I'm impatient.

What is Wincest Wednesday?

It's just the concept of doing Wincest things in our community on Wednesdays! For instance, @wincestwednesdays exists and has run prompt events. At various points in the past, there have been lots of people sending asks to each other about wincest on Wednesdays, or making posts asking for other people to post fics, or discuss various topics, or recommend things. It's whatever you make of it. It isn't one thing for one person, and if you want to start doing things on Wednesdays, you should! And also you should tell me about it so I can hype it up.

Okay but what do I specifically do?

@stanfordsweater started sending asks to people on Wednesdays. I thought this was a very cool and noble cause. But she has a life, so she had to stop. Understandable. Me, meanwhile? I work overnight every Tuesday into Wednesday, and there's usually at least a little dead time when all my residents are asleep, I've finished my charting, and I'm between sets of rounds. And because I sent them out in the wee hours of the morning EST, people have most of the day to answer them with it still being Wednesday. It's very convenient. So for like a year now, I've taken up the mantle. I come up with questions every week and copy-paste them into the inboxes of everyone who seems to like answering them. I keep a list of people who have answered in the past to send them out to. And then I reblog the answers. I used to just reblog them all at once, but these days there are like 25 people on my list and that's A Lot, so I'm going to start queueing instead. Which is fun because then it's spread out over the week!

Unsurprisingly, after like 50 Wednesdays I've broadened out a bit because there are only so many ways to ask about a ship without repeating yourself. So instead, I take the Wincest part to mean that I'm interacting within the wincest community. Not to say that I don't still ask about the ship, but there are a lot of other parts of the show to discuss, too.

Why?

So again, all this reasoning is pretty much stolen straight from Ava. I liked her goals. I don't have new ones of my own really.

These days, a lot of fandom discussion is concentrated in places like discord servers. That makes it really easy for fandoms to get insular and die. There's nothing wrong with chatting about a show with your friends — I do it all the time — but that's all anyone does, then when someone gets into a new show and looks it up on tumblr, they aren't going to see anything. They'll think the fandom is dead. And then that leads to a cycle where people stop posting meta and gifs and art and fic because no one is publicly engaging with them and it's just not great.

Supernatural ended 5 years ago. Yeah, it's one of the biggest and most historical fandoms, but if we don't make a conscious effect to keep it going? Things can dry up. If we want to have a community, we have to take it upon ourselves to incite discussions. Send asks! Reblog things! Comment! Having a designated day for it just makes it a little easier to do.

Also as I'm sure we have all noticed, there is a pretty big tendency in this fandom to get cliquey, start talking shit about people's takes, block anyone who disagrees with you even slightly, bitch about those samgirls or those deangirls, etc. And you know. That's also pretty damn bad for community and just no fun. So any way to spread positivity and ensure that we see different opinions and see each other as a community instead of adversaries is good.

I want to send out Wednesday asks

Please do! I don't have a monopoly on this! It wasn't even my idea to begin with! I just happen to have the right hours free, the desire for A Job and A Project, and unlike most of this website, no social anxiety, so I'm not afraid to bother two dozen people weekly. But you don't have to do that! You can just send two people a question on one Wednesday, and that's still fun and positive and community building. You don't have to make a full time job of it. I just have because I'm Like That.

That said, if anyone wants my list of people who like getting asks and at least occasionally respond, feel free to ask for it.

I want you to send me asks

Tell me! My list is basically just people I tried sending questions to one week, and they answered, so I added them to The List. But I don't know everyone. I haven't tried everyone. So just comment or send me a DM or shoot me an ask.

Please stop sending me asks

That's cool. Please tell me. I don't want to annoy and spam you. No hard feelings, I promise. And let me know if you ever want them again.

I feel bad because I don't answer every week. But I do like it! And I want to keep getting questions!

Please don't feel bad. I know how exhausting a new question every week is, because I'm the one who has to come up with them. Answer if and when you have the time and brainpower and energy and if the question sparks joy. Nothing personal if you don't. I get it.

I'm very aware that I have "likes to ramble" disorder (yes, that's a real actual schizophrenia symptom). I have no children. I have no pets. I have only job with a fair bit of downtime. I work 32 hours a week. I don't pick up shifts. I'm not in school. I know that other people have more shit to do. I'm disabled, so I get pretty damn overwhelmed by my 32 hours a week and taking care of just myself, so given that most of you seem to do more than that? Yeah no I am already impressed that you can just like, survive working a normal amount of hours or a semester of college. I am made of basically nothing but words--I know they're a lot harder for some other people than they are for me.

At this point, pretty much every time someone has gone quiet, they've eventually come back and thanked me for continuing to send asks. So I don't really plan on taking anyone off my list unless they ask me to or make a post saying they're leaving supernatural fandom.

Sorry I didn't answer on Wednesday!

I don't care. I'm just happy you answered. To me, all Wincest Wednesday means is that I have to send out the asks on Wednesday. You can answer them whenever you want. Honestly, getting a dozen replies on one day can be overwhelming anyway.

Wow my answer is so long!

There's not actually anything wrong with saying this, but I do laugh every time because my answer would be longer. Again. Likes to ramble disorder. You can DM me one question and I'll write a thousand words back at you. I'm just like that.

I wish it was easier to go back and read people's answers, or find old questions

So, no one has actually asked me to do this, but I often want to find old answers and can't, so. In November I'm getting top surgery. I'll be out of work for 6 weeks (which, to be clear in case anyone is thinking about getting it, that's longer than the normal recovery time. I just have a very physical job). And one of my plans for all that free time is to tag everything. To number each wincest wednesday question, tag them all with "wincest wednesday #x", and have a master post that lists all the questions with their numbers. And then if you want to see everyone's answers to any question, you'd just have to search on my blog for the tag. It will probably take absolutely forever, but I want to have it for me. And I'll feel good about myself for it.

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Do you really wanna please me? frank zappa - magic fingers

Philip Levine - Those Were The Days

This week's all about Castiel and Crowley appreciation — favorite moments, favorite stories for each of them (or both). What are your favorite storylines for them? How do you imagine they got to where they were?

@spn20fest a cocktail menu for the bunker's bar.

Descriptions and recipes below the cut:

and i'm unravelling and all i know for certain is i'm not running toward the safest thing

Hello everybody! We are SupernaturalArchive.com, a website devoted to cataloguing screenshots for every episode of Supernatural.

These screenshots can be used for whatever you like, whether those are meta posts, comparative edits, icons, or even posting cute pictures of your favourite characters. Our website hosts screenshots at the highest possible resolution so that you can count every freckle and pore in glorious 1920 x 1080p.

On top of the episodes, we've screen-capped the DVD extras for each season, and we're currently expanding to include other projects that the Supernatural stars appear in.

Our duty is to be useful, not according to our desires but according to our powers. - Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Supernatural and Spiderman share some things in common, as texts. For Peter Parker, with great power comes great responsibility. (Maybe he'd been reading his Swiss philosophy.) But that's in a world with superpowers. In the world of Supernatural superpowers aren't necessary or even particularly useful; what's important is knowing the truth and then what you do once you know that truth.

But that's not fair, right? People should be allowed to live the lives they actually want and pursue any dream, because that's how we tend to understand basic human rights: self-actualization and individuality are important. That's a very American attitude and it wouldn't be surprising from Supernatural, which in a lot of ways is a very American show. But: that isn't the value system we're actually encouraged to understand from the actions of the main characters. Duty is more important than the self; what we owe to each other is to help, even if other lives we could've had are sacrificed.

In the early period in the show, Dean feels like Sam going to Stanford was a betrayal – but it’s not going to college that’s the betrayal, but rather leaving the family. For Dean, the family is the most important thing in the universe. Family supersedes even the family’s mission, as we see from how he stops Sam from going after Azazel in the burning house, and how he stops Sam from killing Azazel when Azazel is possessing John. So, for Sam to ‘betray’ the family by leaving – that’s untenable, for Dean. He can’t see it as Sam wanting to have a safer, happier life, because the only way that Dean understands happiness is when his family is together. However, this attitude of Dean’s has complicated and hardened and softened and shifted over the years, because these characters are dynamic. We see Dean bragging that Sam got into Stanford, and expressing regret that he wasn’t able to get out of the life. Now, he still wouldn’t be able to deal if Sam abruptly announced that he was enrolling at Boston University, see ya later! – it would probably still be seen as a betrayal – but that’s the thing. By his 30s, Sam would never do that.

Now, why wouldn’t Sam do that? The text shows us, over and over again, that Sam – while he sometimes would like a ‘normal’ life – now values the hunting life as a life worth having. Moreover, Sam himself says, multiple times in various ways, that Stanford and the normal life it represented was a dream. He was never really going to get out, because fate won’t let him. He was expertly manipulated into the ‘rebellion’ of leaving for college by various of Lucifer’s agents throughout his childhood, but he was always going to get those powers, he was always going to be Lucifer’s vessel. Sam never really apologizes for going to school or leaving, and the text never says he should. It was an important thing for his personal development.

What the text does do is point out, over and over again, that attempting to get out of hunting is a fool’s errand. It pulls you back, inexorably, gets into your blood. Not so much with great power comes great responsibility, but more with an ounce of knowledge comes great responsibility. Only the weak leave hunting; when Dean considers staying in the djinn dream, or when Dean keeps his promise and stays with Lisa, or when Sam stays with Amelia, that’s a betrayal of all the innocent people they could have saved by hunting. A betrayal of the family, too (though Sam’s stint with Amelia is coded as this more than anything else), but more pertinently a betrayal of the true calling: to protect those who are too ignorant to protect themselves.