Mandy

been thinking about the moralintern motto. a blue forget-me-not; a piece of the grey sky.

curiously, kim misquotes it as "a blue forget-me-not, a piece of the sky" - omitting that the sky is 'grey'. this doesn't necessarily have bearing on the rest of the analysis, but it is a very interesting note.

kim's dream was always to be a pilot. maybe a bit of a hopeless dream considering his eyesight, plus the fact that there no longer *is* an air force, but... it's what he dreamed of being. it's how he dresses - probably part of the reason he has so much reverence for his vehicle is a displaced longing to fly.

kim kitsuragi, above all else, wanted to be a pilot - to be a piece of the sky.

and as for the blue forget-me-not...

for jean vicquemare, harry's satellite - his first anchor to the world, before kim - all he wanted was to not be forgotten.

jean-heron vicquemare is a blue forget-me-not, kim kitsuragi a piece of the grey sky.

and harrier du bois?

   I know we like to joke about Armand being akin to a teenage girl, but you can genuinely tell Armand was originally written by a woman. Armand, to me, is an example of a man being forced into a stereotypical “feminine” role since he wasn’t seen as “man” enough or strong enough, which is why I think so many women relate to him.

   A few people have pointed out how similar Armand is to an eldest daughter, and as an eldest daughter I 100% agree. Armand is CONSTANTLY placed into caretaker roles, a role stereotypically given to women(especially daughters). In the books, Armand is often infantilized by older and more powerful men because he’s of the age where he can easily be mistaken for a girl. He’s young and slender with pretty curls and big brown eyes. He constantly insists that he’s a boy, and Marius doesn’t even refer to him as a young man. No, he is always a boy.

   Armand, like women have done since the beginning of time, has constantly cleaned up the messes that other men make. When Armand was a baby vampire, he was punished for Marius’ actions. He was forced to watch his brothers burn to death, had their ashes dumped on him, then was forced to eat his best friend. He was put under mind breaking torture all because MARIUS turned him. Similar to how women are often victim blamed for the actions of their partner/abuser.

   When Nicki becomes too far gone after Lestat was warned not to turn him, Armand was the one who had to put him out of his misery. When Louis refused to listen to him after Armand gave him several warnings about how dangerous things could get with his coven, he directed the play and then he practically mothered Louis in San Francisco, constantly cleaning up behind him to make sure he wasn’t caught. Then for 52 years he made sure Daniel didn’t fuck up his career.

   And let’s not forget how Armand had to lead two covens for centuries. He had to make sure they were in bed on time, made sure they ate dinner, and diffuse any fights between them. Lestat was essentially the “father” of the two because he stereotypically did what fathers do. He funded everything, he provided while Armand was placed into the role of a “mother,” ei, a caregiver who makes sure everyone’s needs are being met. This is what makes Armand’s claim that he was usurped by Santiago even more laughable, I don’t think Santiago would be able to hold everything together for a DAY. If he was truly in charge the coven would have destroyed themselves before Louis got the chance.

   Speaking of Armand being in charge, let’s talk about how being a leader doesn’t mean you have a leader mindset.

   Lestat and Louis have lied way more than Armand has because Armand really has told the truth in a lot of the “lies” he’s told.

   “I could not prevent it.”

   Armand was born in 1508, the painting he was revealed to be into was painted in 1520-1525, meaning that instead of 20, Armand would have actually been 12-17 during the time he was a muse for that portrait, meaning Marius “rescued” him at the ages of 7-12. So ever since he was a small child, Armand had no agency and was taught to never want any. Now, there’s a chance the showrunners have made a mistake and they earnestly meant for Armand to truly be 20 in that portrait, my point still stands perfectly well. Armand was forced to be a servant his whole life, so when he was finally a leader he still acted like a servant.

   “I could not prevent it.”

   Armand genuinely felt like he could not prevent it because he has never been in a position to prevent anything. This reminds me of how women are conditioned to be followers, even though they are often placed in positions of leadership such as being mothers and managing a household. This is also why women tear down other women, they have been taught that wanting agency is a bad thing.

   You want to know two people who have always had agency because they fit into the patriarchy? Louis and Lestat.

   Yes, as queer men, Louis and Lestat faced discrimination from a society built upon a patriarchy, but they had so many more chances than Armand because they were still able to be deemed “man enough” in certain aspects.

   Yes, Louis faced racism, but Louis also held a position of power. Louis was a pimp who admitted to looking the other way as he listened to his prostitutes getting raped. And for as much as Louis preached about racism and how wrong it was, Louis never used his influence to try and held other African-Americans. Yes, he gave the prostitutes partial share of the business, but I’ve always felt like that was more or so done out of guilt than Louis genuinely wanting to help those less fortunate than him.

   For as much as Louis preached against racism, when he found out Armand, a man of color, was taken from his homeland, placed on a ship, taken to a new foreign country, sold like cattle, and was owned by a white man who continued to exploit him, he suddenly had nothing to say and continued thinking about his dead husband. Armand experienced what countless enslaved African-Americans did and in that moment Louis acted no better than Lestat when he was reading a history book and Louis had to inform him that they used to put the heads of slaves on spikes as a warning. Louis only really cared about racism when it applied to HIM.

   Back to the patriarchy, Louis chose not to visit his family often. Even if Louis could only come at night, he still could have made more of an effort. Society often deems that if the man of the household is a provider, there’s nothing else he needs to do. Louis had that same mindset, and like so many men, was shocked when he found out that wasn’t enough.

   Let’s look at Lestat, who held even more power than Louis did because of the color of his skin. Lestat was always listened to more than Louis in business because he was white. Even before Lestat’s race mattered, he held power over Nicki being a vampire. He abused that power and as I said before, Armand had to clean up the mess.

   Lestat held power over Louis and Claudia, again because he was white, but also because he was far more powerful than either of them. People always say that Louis’ the one who kept escalating the fight in S1E5. But guess what? Lestat was immensely more powerful than him, he could have deescalated the situation and he didn’t. There are situations of this in real life where basically self defense is self defense until it isn’t. When the other person is no longer a threat, you cannot do something to hurt them and claim self defense. Lestat was fully capable of dragging Louis up to the sky, therefore he was fully capable of ending that fight without going to that extreme.

   In this next example, both Louis and Lestat abused their positions of power. And that is with Claudia. After Louis used his position of power(being a vampire)to accidentally cause a riot, he uses Claudia to cleanse him of his sins. While Louis abused the power he held, Lestat abused it even more because again, he was the older and more powerful one. Lestat had the final say. And Louis was a new vampire and was panicking. Not only that, Louis had never seen a vampire go mad before. Lestat had. Yet he still turned Claudia.

   Louis literally dragged Claudia’s body like a ragdoll when asking Lestat to turn her, just like how society often views women as dolls. And just like so many women when it comes to the healthcare system, Claudia was treated as an object and not a person who deserved autonomy.

   Men will often find women to replace their mothers if they have mommy issues. Their wives cannot just be their wives, they have to be mothers as well. Claudia could not just be his daughter, she had to be his sister as well. Lestat at least always saw Claudia as a daughter, while Louis continued treating her like a toy in a game of house whose role he could change on the flip of a dime.

   My whole point leading up to this has been to say Louis and Lestat had so many chances to get it together, to do right by themselves and Claudia, and they missed the mark. Every. Single. Time.

   Now time for something that’s probably going to rile up a lot of Loustat fans:

   Louis and Lestat were more responsible for Claudia’s death than Armand was.

   I’ve already listed how they failed Claudia, but let me reiterate:

They decided to turn her.

Very often, when women lash out, we’re told we’re being dramatic and emotional and asked if we’re on our period. When Claudia justifiably began acting out because she would forever be stuck in a little girl’s body and Lestat forced her to watch Charlie burn, all the blame was put onto her. These two grown men could not find it in them to admit that they were in the wrong and Claudia had every right to feel how she felt.

Lestat could not better himself, which drove his fledgelings to “kill” him which drove them to Paris in the first place.

   What did Armand do? Well,

He continuously told Louis he needed to guard his thoughts better, notice how he never had to tell that to Claudia because she had that DOWN PACKED.

He continuously told Louis that the coven would kill him if he either didn’t join the coven or get his ass out of Paris.

He ultimately chose his coven because unlike Lestat, Armand wasn’t just going to turn anyone willy nilly because he understood the weight of the Dark Gift. Lestat only watched Nicki burn, Armand watched COUNTLESS others burn and probably considered walking into the fire a couple times himself. Not only that, but remember that while Louis certainly was falling in love with him, he was JUST starting to get over Lestat. And let’s be honest, once Louis found out Lestat was alive it would have been game over for Loumand. If Armand eradicated his coven, Claudia would have ran off with Madeline and Louis would have ran off with Lestat and Armand would have fallen into vampire madness. For as batshit crazy as his coven was, they kept him alive and weren’t going anywhere. Armand himself said he didn’t trust Louis’ love for him lasting, which he was right about. I know it’s a running joke that Louis wanted everyone and everyone wanted Louis, but nothing was ever good enough for him. When he was with Lestat he needed Claudia, when he was with Claudia he needed Lestat, when he was with Armand he needed Lestat, and when he continued to be with Armand he had to sleep around with hundreds of over men. We always infantilize Louis about the fact that Lestat cheated on him, but he stuck with Antoinette. Louis had a arsenal of twinks and everyone wants to joke about it, let’s just not talk about the fact that Louis was a serial killer that targeted gay men during a time where things were already extremely dangerous for queer people.

   I don’t understand why other people can’t understand that everyone in this show is a shitty person. Not only that, but I’d argue that Armand is one of the least shitty.

   Y’all, Armand(almost)never lied.

   He didn’t lie about him and Lestat fucking in the box, they actually fucked way more and he left that out. He also was considerate of Lestat and left out the fact that he fucked his mom.

   He didn’t lie about Lestat loving him.

   And I don’t even think he lied about Louis asking him to wipe his memories.

   Armand’s only lie was about the trial, and that was only because he found himself painted into a corner. I’ve already listed the reason why he let the trial play out, he never expected for Lestat to save Louis. So he was forced to scramble.

   What’s so funny is that y’all do not listen to the literal actors of this show.

   Assad himself said Armand is not a mustache twirling mastermind villain.

   Jacob has said that Armand is not truly a villain and that he’s deeply traumatized.

   Eric has said something similar to Jacob.

   Even Sam has acknowledged this.

   Y’all have to understand, these actors looked  at the books and built these characters from the ground up. They KNOW these characters. They weren’t just given a script, they gave this show its soul. When they say something, HEAR THEM OUT.

   Another hot take: Claudia wouldn’t have died if she was Armand’s daughter.

   When Armand truly loves someone, they are enough. When Louis told Claudia she was enough, he lied. Claudia was never enough for Lestat either. Armand loves Daniel unconditionally, he loves Sybelle and Benji unconditionally, and he would never keep them in an environment that he knew could harm them just because he wanted some dick.

   Speaking of Claudia and Armand, the two have many parallels because they are both victims of the patriarchy. Claudia because she is a woman, and Armand because he is deemed as invaluable as a woman.

   Claudia bore the brunt of a man’s violence(Louis’ murders)like Armand did(The Children of Satan). 

   Claudia was taken in as a child, believing she was safe in a world of men because it was better than what she had before, like Armand.

   Both of them were turned at young ages. Claudia was 14, Armand was 17 in the books and in the show he was 27(possibly younger. And even if he wasn’t physically younger, Assad has said that many times Armand still has the mind of a teenage boy)because the men in their lives did something that affected them.

   Both were forced into caretaker roles, Armand had to he Marius’ constant companion and Claudia had to look after Louis.

   I think another parallel is how Claudia and Armand’s introduction to sex was traumatic.    Not enough people are talking about how sad Armand’s sex life genuinely is. And I’m not just talking about how he was trafficked. Armand’s first “love” was Marius, who actually didn’t love him and had sex with him on a regular and forced him to have sex with his friends.  

Cut to the Children of Darkness, where sex was shamed and he was encouraged to not even look at his own genitals. Armand, who is a survivor of sexual assault, probably felt dirtier than he had before. Imagine being repeatedly violated for your entire life, and then you are told that sex is forbidden and disgusting no matter the circumstances. I feel like that would add to any self loathing guilt Armand might have already had.

Cut to Lestat, the first person Armand’s had consensual sex with(no, I’m not counting Marius). When we see Armand’s version of the story, where he’s shy about having sex with Lestat, I genuinely believe that’s how Armand felt when sleeping with Lestat for the first time. Either Lestat just didn’t realize how nervous he was or didn’t want to bring it up in his interview with Daniel. I think part of the reason why Armand is almost like a glass doll in Lestat’s memory is because he hasn’t properly comprehended Armand’s feelings towards him.

“I love you, Lestat.”

“Christ.”

I think Armand got really vulnerable with Lestat, and Lestat never realized how vulnerable Armand was being. He saw Armand trying to open up as “desperation” because he was projecting his own trauma. And to Armand, the first person he ever willingly had sex with abandoned him, and he probably felt the same way Arun and Amadeo felt. Used for his body and then left.

   As for Louis, I strongly believe the main reason Armand ever joined in on the threesomes in San Francisco was to please Louis the same way he was forced to please Marius. Do I think Armand could ever agree to have a threesome for funsies? Yeah, not out of the question 

   Now, I’d like for everyone to look at these GIFs:

  Not only am I an eldest daughter, but I am also a middle child. Why I relate to this scene so much is because I know what it’s like being able to watch everyone else around you being able to have outbursts and you’re just meant to keep your cool all the time. This is not only a common expectation for women, but middle children often fall into this box because they are literally caught in the middle of these things.

   In Armand’s fight with Louis(I highly suggest rewatching that scene)a few people have pointed out how strangely human Armand’s movements are. There’s this one scene in particular where Armand wipes his face. I think this is Armand continuously trying to not rip Louis’ head off, I am not kidding. I think Armand’s rage was gradually being expressed through his movements. I think part of why Armand was acting so human in that scene is because he hadn’t been that angry since he was a mortal. If they include the scene in the books where he broke down Marius’ door, Armand might have felt neglected by Louis the same way he felt neglected by Marius. When you take that into consideration, it adds even more validity to his lashing out and torturing Daniel.

   Another way I and so many other women can relate to Armand? We’ve all been sexualized. I remember being around 8 or 9 and being told I had to wear a long shirt with leggings, I was 15 when my mother called me a prostitute for wearing a tank top and a skirt that was past my fingertips, I was also 15 when my mother accused me of trying to dress sexually(again, for not wearing a long shirt with the leggings I had on)and she told me I could only wear an outfit like that when I was with my dad because he needed to protect me from “certain attention” I wouldn’t draw to myself. Cut to me being 16-17 and my mother was confused as to why I refused to wear a crop top. Not only confused, but angry because I refused to show off my slim waist, as if she hadn’t slut shamed me a year prior. Even of adults don’t realize it, they very often sexualize children from a young age, especially girls. I had not even(or just barely)reached double digits when I first encountered this. When you are a woman, your body and beauty will be praised as much as it will be used against you.

   In the books, while Armand is praised for his outward appearance, he is claimed to be deceiving whenever he does something “wicked”. The first thing that comes to mind is Lord Harlech talking about how vile he was while having the face of an angel/choir boy around the time they began sword fighting.

   The main reason Armand suffers so much is because he is placed in the same box as women by the patriarchy. Armand is a victim of misogyny when you boil it down to the bare bones of it all.

   Assad Zaman never lied.

   Armand has always been good.

   Let me repeat myself.

   Armand has ALWAYS been good considering the circumstances he was CONSTANTLY forced to survive in. Armand is mentally still a child in the body of a man being treated like a child but expected to act like a man but don’t forget that by society’s standards you’ll never ACTUALLY be a man because you’re too womanly and women are weak. And even though you’re as weak as a woman you will still be handed things that are too heavy for you to carry because even though you’re totally weaker than men you’ll actually be expected to carry more than they ever will.

   If you went through what Armand has, you would be no better. And I think so many of us women know that, we know that because Armand represents the deepest, darkest, most hurt, most vulnerable parts of ourselves. In truth, we know we would be no better than Armand because we ARE no better than Armand. Even if you haven’t gone through Armand’s abuse, you understand the role he’s been given and when you look at him it’s almost frightening how similar it is to looking in a mirror.

   We’ve all been Aruns.

   We’ve all been Amadeos.

You were the coolest, Harry.

Disco Sapphics Zine:

In Claudia’s version of events, Lestat was being cruel by making her watch Charlie burn. Grabbing her with his hands and forcing her to gaze as his face melted. His face is serious as he tortures her with this lesson.

In Lestat’s memories, he was holding Claudia’s hand the entire time as she watched Charlie burn in front of her. His face is melancholic and tearful as he likely recalls Nicki being burned by Armand. He was enduring the pain with her in real time.

"he's such a beautiful disaster of a man. he has every mental illness. he's bisexual. he's on multiple substances at once. he's in a fuge state. he will wear literally any clothing item he finds lying around the street. he's actually psychic. he believes he is a reincarnation of his world's Karl Marx. and he's a feminist."

Times Harry Du Bois has been submitted: 3

Times Harry Du Bois has been smashed: 0 (pending)

closest call light has had up to this point. extremely suspenseful episode/chapters

it was hinted at with light staring raye down in the subway but naomi's death drives in how much light loves telling people he's kira right before they die which is a critical character trait right up to the end

furthers the themes of suicide and suicidal ideation that death note so loves

first (only?) person to call light and L similar out loud to light's face

first person to have a direct connection to and grief for one of kira's victims. light and L's points of view are extremely narrowed in on the game and naomi forces the world to widen and show that the mass murder has actual impact on real people caught up in their wake

first person light has to use significant social manipulation on - i'm not counting yuri because she wasn't the component on which his spaceland plan rested. demonstrates for the first time the extent of light's ability to mask as boy-next-door

most sympathetic victim yet. was even less of a direct threat to light's life than raye was, plus she's acting out of grief for her fiance. demonstrates for the first time the extent of light's cruelty