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@magpithy
fixed it

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why is there an upgrade button on gmail. why does twitter want me to scan my palm to get into my account. why is google a chatbot. why does the transit app make a transit app wrapped for me. why does youtube keep shoving its infinitely scrollable shortform content down my throat. why do my doctor and psychiatrist and therapist want to use an ai notetaker during our appointments. why do free trials want my credit card number. why are most scholarship websites just data brokers. how do i make capitalone stop sending me mail. why is my school making its own special chat gpt powered chatbot. why is every third video on instagram an undisclosed ad. why is nothing online real anymore. why is everything so FUCKING STUPID
maybe i like my tech a little bit inconvenient
maybe i like pulling out my debit card instead of using apple pay. maybe i like untangling my wired headphones. maybe i like typing something into the search bar instead of using siri or whatever. maybe i like curating my own social media feeds over an algorithm. i just don’t think everything has to be perfectly streamlined and efficient i like it when things feel tethered to the real world.
this has been in my drafts forever because I have a huge rant for it that I haven't had the energy to type out, but I think I finally do
There is one issue with this whole thing and that is: none of these things that tech bros are advertising are actually inconvenient, and in most cases they're the exact opposite.
Setting up apple pay (in my experience) is a hassle, and is a security vulnerability (the more companies directly connected to your bank, the more likely it is to get hacked), all for what? So you can take 3 less seconds taking out and swiping/inserting a card?
Untangling wired headphones? A hassle sure. Not as much of a hassle as losing only one ear pod, or one ear pod consistently dying faster than the other, or pairing issues, or worse sound quality at a higher price because it's wireless. How is any of that more convenient? It's like the same amount of convenience
Or how about siri and google always missing hearing what you say? Censoring swears despite being an adult? Going off when you don't say it's name?
Having algorithms currate your own feed leading to echo chambers, and radicalization pipelines, and making it harder to find the stuff you want,with yts new horrible search algorithm etc etc
None of these are more convenient, they're the same amount or worse. But guess what? They make money. So they're sold as convenient.
Next time you see a product that advertises that it's "convenient" ask for a moment what convenience are you actually getting? And is it comproable to that you already have?
I love vague labels that make people go "but that's confusing" or "but that could mean anything" Good. Keep guessing lol
"Queer doesn't actually tell me anything" who says I wanted to tell you anything. Who even are you.
i want devices that are functional and hardy and i want them to last and fuck the rest of the shit i dont need. my ds and 3ds can lie in sleep mode for months if not years and i can pop them open and they've still got two or three bars left. my old phones in high school could go days without a charge. if i leave my nintendo switch on the floor for a few days doing absolutely fuck all nothing i will turn it on and it will cry to me mother i am dying. i am dying mother. and i tell him he'll never be half the man his brother was and he can't hear me because he's dead

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i plan on walking into the woods and never returning soon. btw
my best friend linen my brother in arms cotton my partner wool my beautiful sister silk
our sick deranged enemy polyester....
the demon lord, prince of lies, "Vegan Leather"...
dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?
make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace
get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.
THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW (1975) — dir. Jim Sharman
“how could you have forgotten that” i forget Everything. unless i remember
"how can you remember that" I remember Everything. unless I forget

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one thing about me is that I'm looking stuff up. you mentioned something and I don't know it? I am pulling out my phone and googling that shit. an actor? theoretical physics? a world leader? a vocabulary word? I am on the wikipedia page as we speak
it is so important that you are a little bit ugly. please get comfortable with having unplucked eyebrows and nonexistent jawlines and wrinkles. let your blue hair grow out into an uneven pale green and your clothes be old and mend them and modify them until they’re unique to you. wear lipstick which doesnt compliment your skintone and mismatched outfits which went out of fashion 5 years ago. be a little bit too loud and a little bit too passionate and as weird as you can be because oh my god there is nothing more disturbing to me than perfection. beauty is manufactured and sold to us and you need to realise that you are a fucking animal to live a joyful life I am so serious. you cant obsess over aesthetics forever please just live messily and make your body your home however you please.
if you dont do it for you, do it for all the teenagers who will see u in the street and know that they are not obligated to be attractive
happy out for a walk bitch day to those who celebrate
Just some crow things.
I'm as grateful for cellphones as the next person, but sometimes I think about how everyone having a phone on them at all times really did cause us to loose some things as a society. I mean - for example, kids these days will never experience their car breaking down and needing to find the nearest place with a phone they can use. They're never going to have the opportunity to tentatively approach a house only to discover that it's full of queer people having a party hosted by a transvestite to celebrate his creation of a sex homunculus, stay the night, and loose their virginity while unintentionally partaking in cannibalism. It's tragic, that kind of gay sexual awakening just doesn't happen these days because of cellphones.

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oh my god it’s taako!! from tv!!!
man i love good omens