The Magpie Museum

and that’s good and hot and fine and i agree.

however.

Oh absolutely we can. Ilya knows he’s bisexual by the time he gets to the states and is living with Cliff. He knows he has to be careful, but it’s also thrilling, being in this country where being queer isn’t straight up illegal. So he starts playing gay chicken with Cliff.

It starts off light enough. Ass slapping, titty twisters, comments on each other’s physique. Critiquing each others’ dick pics and Tinder profiles. Horny games of “would you rather.” Perfectly friendly. Raunchy, but friendly.

But it ramps up over the season. Grinding on each other in the club when they’re both feeling buzzed. Grinding leads to making out, justified to everyone else that’s out with them that “chicks dig it, man, try it, you’ll pull craaaazy ass” (no one else succeeds with this method, probably because no one else is making out sloppy style with Cliff or Ilya)

Until finally they’re tucked into a VIP booth one night, Ilya drunk but not very, Cliff’s been watching him like he always does, he’s nowhere near as wasted as he pretends to be, not with the few drinks he’s had. And Ilya’s draping himself over Cliff’s lap, ass grinding against his cock through their clothes, mouth hot against Cliff’s neck as he mumbles dirty things to him in Russian. He’s waiting for Cliff to push him off, to tell him to knock it off with the gay shit already, it’s not funny Roz, quit acting like a fucking fag in public.

But he doesn’t.

So Ilya presses his mouth against Cliff’s ear and purrs, “You gonna take me home and fuck me tonight, Marley?”

And Cliff’s big hand grinds up the inside of Ilya’s thigh, until he’s cupping his cock through Ilya’s pants, his grip firm and possessive. Ilya gasps. Cliff is bigger than him, and the reminder makes his head spin.

Loyalty (1869)

— by Briton Rivière

Loyalty (2025)

Yes Hollanoveau is absolutely winning cliff has both of them on child leashes their rookie season. Cliff is that meme where he’s gently cuddling ilya and then hanging shane by his ankle.

Thinking more i do love the concept that shane is more feral also bc he hasn’t had someone to compete with the way he does in canon BUT in all goalie aus im addicted to the unstoppable force vs immovable object of it all that makes shane lowkey bonkers for ilya. Like ilya shuts him out at the 2008 prospect cup but then in 2009 shane scores on team russia’s other goalie and they’re both kinda sick over it bc shane Won but he didn’t get to spend the whole game trying to get the puck past ilya so its not as good.

But also like, shane who’s a little more obviously nuts vs ilya who isn’t performing and thus seems sweeter.

And cliff is responsible for both of them. Maybe shane’s billeting with someone else but he keeps coming over to see ilya.

But also baby rookie goalie ilya, who is also like Insanely strong as a goalie, he’s 100% babygirl for the whole team. Inverse of canon instead of ilya giving forehead kissies and i-love-yous to the whole team the whole team gives him kissies and i-love-yous.

OHHHH IM AN IDIOT I TOTALLY MISSED WHERE YOU SAID THEYRE BOTH ON THE RAIDERS OOUUUGGHHHH dude. what if they all live in the same building lmfao. ilya with cliff and shane either on his own or with someone else. god. that’s juicy as fuck i’ve only thought about same-team-hollanoveau as far as the cens way on down the like but boston??? #MYRAIDERS????

I don’t think shane would be feral without ilya as competition but I do think he would be bitchier (yay 🩷) bc it’s so obvious no other forward is at his level for the longest time. he is That Bitch. ilya eats that shit up and cliff can’t help it. he finds that arrogance hot bc it’s EARNED. that IS his superstar center. and that IS his iron wall goalie. the two baddest bitches in the league and they’re in HIS bed. cliff marleau your greed knows no bounds.

Shane is soo much bitchier. He Is that bitch. But also like he has not been humbled by losing to ilya as a center, he’s humbled by losing to ilya as a goalie which is a different mood imho.

Shane who is all league goalies sleep paralysis demon vs ilya who is everyone else’s sleep paralysis goalie.

I have a little bit of a mood about ilya being so so so cute with his little blushing apple cheeks but he’s wearing a goalie mask like all the time so no one outside the raiders really comprehends his cuteness and then also during intermissions in the locker room he takes his mask off and he’s sorta flushed from the exertion and everyone gets cuteness aggression. And babygirl aggression.

Cliff and his two generational talents :))

I am addicted to the concept of ilya who is just Not performing Ilya Rozanov Star Center and so he’s just so cute all the time.

Sochi also is much less miserable for him bc while team russia having poor cohesion is still a thing, him being a brick wall in the goal vs their canon injured goalie situation is a lot difference. They probably still lose but he wasn’t captain and he can’t be blamed for poor offense?

But also, ilya getting a reputation for improbable goalie goals is also very fun to me. You can take him out of the center but sometimes the Puck In Net instinct overwhelms him.

I literally said YESSSS out loud when i got this ask LMAO

ilya holds three records: most shutouts in a single season as starting goalie, most shots on goal + goals by a goalie, and most goalie fights LMAO

there is always a headcanon in my brain anon never fear

ilya always looks a little baffled in the mornings, usually after he's clipped a doorway. shane loves to locate where he is in the house by the wordless grumble, noise of confusion, and faint smack he hears.

likewise, shane talks out loud but often only actually articulates half his thoughts. he doesn't clock that he's doing it sometimes either, which makes ilya really gooey because he'll keep a running monologue about a workout or a play and he'll veer off into a tangent like 'mm buy ilya that shampoo, the fancy one, love his hair' and go back into his other thoughts.

shane can't sing for SHIT and neither can ilya but ilya will try to serenade shane and shane will hum under his breath while he's petting ilya's hair. it is extremely tone deaf both ways.

ilya sneezes in the most Dad way possible and it does make anya startle and every time this happens shane breaks out into giggles

shane does a little shoulder shimmy when he's waiting for his smoothie to blend fully and it does take ilya years to realize that's the little shimmy he does when he likes food. shane does it to stim mostly

shane does a lot of drive-by kisses - forehead, cheek, arm, shoulder, etc. sometimes he'll change his mind halfway through and bite ilya instead

Shane: we were 19, give us a break

Hayden: 19????

he and ilya are hanging out in the yard and some bees are buzzing around because some watermelon juice spilled on the ground earlier and shane suggests they go inside or rinse the juice off the patio and ilya teases him about being scared of little bees and shane SO nonchalantly just, "no, but i am allergic and you don't know where my epipen is"

and ilya

reblogging with my own tags because i'm also CACKLING imagining the implications of this not being specific to ilya, either. they're having a barbeque at hayden and jackie's house and hayden is good-naturedly encouraging shane to try a piece of coffee cake or something and ilya just goes, "no, bad for you"

and hayden IMMEDIATELY is on the defensive because what? you get to tell him what to eat now? where do you get o-

"no, bad for him because it has walnuts in it, pike. you want him to die? this is what you want?"

"what are you talking about?"

shane: "i'm allergic"

"??? since WHEN??"

"since always??"

"you've eaten over at my house HOW many times?? and never brought this up? the fuck, dude?"

"jackie knows"

the idea of ilya on instagram accidentally pressing like while DEEP in allergy mommy blogging territory and natalie from That Allergy Mama DMing him to be like "hi, my husband wants me to tell you he says hi and that he's a big fan and also that call against you against san francisco was bullshit." "hello, husband of natalie. also do you have any suggestions for substituting peanuts in this recipe?"

he gets filmed for a what i eat in a day/day in the life type video and is so used to thinking about substitutes at this point that he doesn't even think about it when he mentions them in passing. they keep an allergy friendly household so the stuff he mentions is compliant, but it's paired with comments like, "and then i add some wowbutter, which is soybeans and not peanuts. we also sometimes have sunflower seed butter, but the texture for this is better with the wowbutter. i have also tried this, what is it called-shane: the gross paste with beans" *shane, offscreen from the living room*: "chickpea butter?" "yes, this." "it's nasty" "yes, not good. their jar says it is, but it is not. anyway-"

A. the idea of ilya being lowkey stressed about shane surprising him and potentially being exposed to allergens is so fucking funny. ilya who ends up also keeping an allergy-friendly household PURELY because it's just less stressful that way. meanwhile the motherfucker WITH the allergies is SO fucking casual about it that it wouldn't even occur to him to ask ilya to do that.

B. when they're pushing the friendship cover, ilya gets nudge nudge jokes about trying to copy what hollander's doing, and he's not going to share information shane didn't greenlight to get out, so he just plays along. and now there's like. at least three other players lowkey accidentally following an allergy diet because they don't know it's an allergy diet. why do hollander and now rozanov not eat tree nuts? unclear, but they're also the best two players in the entire industry so it's worth a shot to copy them.

you will not let him have the seat he wants on this bus? ah, he sees. clearly the homophobia.

you will not give him the lemon-lime gatorade and are trying to keep it for yourself? you think gays should have to drink only fruit punch? he is telling twitter IMMEDIATELY.

I think what’s delicious about Ilya is his self worth related to these concepts. He thinks he’s lazy, messy, undisciplined. You listen, you don’t soeak. Yes. You need a haircut. Yes, Father. The problem is leadership. Yes, nod, yes. But repeatedly we are shown that Ilya is good. He’s an attentive lover, he’s a good friend. He tries to be a good son to a hard man. He gives his brother whatever he asks for. He inspires his teammates. He worries that Ryan Price’s book will fall on the floor and oh fuck Price is going to lose his place, I will help, oh fuck, I failed.

But his family tells him he’s no good, so it must be true. They have been the loudest voices in his life and that’s literally become his inner monologue. But then here comes Shane “I don’t know that side of you at all” Hollander and soon enough Ilya is monologuing into the phone on the street outside of his father’s funeral about how actually no. He’s given everything to his family. He makes everything perfect. And he couldn’t physically be there for his father all the time but he paid for it all. And yet they despise him. He knows why, or says he does. But I don’t think does, I think in that moment the seed is planted that Ilya is lovable. And he doesn’t have to be perfect, he doesn’t have to drain himself dry. The person who loves him is trying to fill his cup from thousands of miles away.