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@madmanmax2104
Crisis/Suicide/Help Hotlines (US)
2024 Updated (send asks or dms for other hotlines to add to list)
Helpline Directory (Has options to filter by country and issue)
______________
Lines under the cut

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Clark: So, busy tomorrow? I was thinking we could do something..
Bruce: Sorry, I can't. Promised Alfred I'll try and rest, at least till noon.
And some did rest, but it was not Bruce.
It's so long since I draw them like that.
Bats and their assorted partners being translators for their non verbal moments
Bruce, at a jl meeting, : Hrn
Clark : He’s disappointed with your lack of punctuality
Dick , meeting a child, : *Chirps*
Wally : he wants a hug and will not stop till he gets one
Jason, in the kitchen: *grunt*
Roy: he says get out of the way dipshit, he is trying to cook
Tim, sleep deprived, : “Mmmnn…”
Kon : he wants you to fix your case logs, you filed them wrong
Damian, at the zoo,: *snuffles*
Jon: he finds the animals cute and will try and “rehouse them”
ok now imagine all the Bat's and their assorted partners in one room, and the Bat's are doing their little nonverbal thing making different noises and all the non-bats have a piece of the conversation and they have to huddle in a corner and work together to put it together like a puzzle
Bruce: hRn.
Clark: Okay so that one doesnt have a DIRECT translation but its like- a noise of consternation. Like- when we're working on a case, and magic is involved but the magic doesn't follow ANY rules or patterns that he can find
Roy: Is THAT what that means????? Both Dick and Jay have done it for years randomly and i could NEVER figure it out oh my god
Dick and Jay: *whip their heads over and glare at roy for the implication they do anything similar to bruce*
Cass: *little smirk*
Steph: ooo that means she's going to tease all of them with this forEVER oh my god this is going to be fun
Cass, towards dick and jay: hRn.
Damian: tch.
Jon: oh my god damian don't laugh at them you literally do the EXSACT same thing
Bats: *stare at damian in amusment*
Damian: *Pulls his cape's hood all the way up, sinks down in his seat slightly, blushes*
Tim:
Kon: Tim. Be nice.
Tim: >:[
Kon: I saw your face I know when you're about to be a little shit, be nice
Wally: alright im bored, come on roy, impromptu titans mission
Dick: :D
Jason: :(
Dick: >:D
Wally: *eyeroll*
Roy: literally stop fighting over me oh my god you guys are so possessive
A long time ago…
Bruce, walking into the kitchen: Ack! My eyes! They burn!
Dick, just trying to eat his waffles: Shut up! *rolling his eyes and pouting*
Bruce: I know it’s free dress day at school, but damn
Dick: You just don’t understand my fashion genius!
Bruce: *deadpan* You don’t have any, which is exactly why I made sure you went to Gotham Academy.
Bruce: They have a uniform
Dick, shoving two pancakes in his mouth and choking slightly: *muffled* I don’t need this.
Bruce: You’re wearing neon green and electric blue. I’m the one who doesn’t need this.
Dick, turning around with his eyes narrowed: Ya know, people think I’m cool!
Bruce, reaching over and pinching Dick’s cheek: Of course they do, I think you’re the coolest, you know that. *peppers Dick’s cheek with kisses*
Bruce: *smirking* But the clothes you choose to wear are atrocious.
Dick, struggling out of Bruce’s hold: I’m staying after school for one of my clubs! Don't pick me up!
Bruce: Ooh, is it one of your many nerd clubs?
Dick: That’s rich coming from you! Mister Greatest Detective
Bruce: Oof! *clutching chest* Right in my heart! My own child! My flesh and blood! How you wound me so!
Dick, unable to stop himself from laughing: Bye, Bruce! Love you!
Bruce: Love you too! Make good choices
Dick: I will not!
Bruce: Yeah, obviously. What was I thinking? *goes to eat breakfast*
20 chapter 150,000 words of just this.
Dick who is fighting with Bruce loses his shit hits Bruce way to hard. Bruce falls down dead.
(He's not really dead just unconscious Dick doesn't check)
Damian and Tim witness this as Dick falls to his knees crying because he just killed his dad in a fit of anger and omg I'm a murderer whole thing. (They believe Dick saying he's dead and somehow miss him not checking)
Damian and Tim in this very moment deciding you are no longer my enemy but my partner in crime.
They kidnap Dick and just start running.
Leading to cartoon level shenanigans. All the while Dick is sobbing his poor little heart out while hog tied in the back seat.
They are running not just from the remaining bats but everyone else who might think to arrest Dick especially since he is willing to go to prison for this.
They are dodging the league of assassins who Damian believes is his mother hunting them down for killing for her beloved. (Its cause Bruce called saying three of his sons ran away for some reason, one of which is Damian)
Talia who is just trying to figure of why her kid ran away from both his parents and is getting smoke bombs flung at her.
Jason who catches up to them in Mexico can't even get a word out before Replacment and the demon brat knock him out and throw him off a relatively high cliff.
Stephanie sent by Barbra gets punted in the Pacific Ocean and has to be fished out by Superman.
Cut in flashes of Cass who is in the shadow realm with no idea the shenighans happening.
Dick having a full on mental breakdown in a rat infested hotel room letting out cartoonist level sobs while Damain pats his head listening to Tim is standing in front of a murder board discussing where they go next.
Dick: I'm the worst person in the world, I ruin everything I touch. This is why everyone should leave me to die.
Damian:
Tim:
Damain: Yes Richard very traumatic. What about Moscow?
Tim: Perfect
World trotting, knocking out, bombs are exploding everywhere.
Tim is feeding Dick ice cream drying his tears while Damian fights a hellhound in the background.
Bruce is just sobbing in the Batcave because his son hit him and decided to run away with his brothers.
Everyone think Dick decided to hide the other two and is the mastermind.
Cut to Dick on an island wrapped in a weighted blanket talking to a blackmailed therapist.
Other side of the house Damian and Tim have grown out hair, Tim sporting a full on beard and are armed to the teeth willing to fight god, with the powers of Anime and their need to guard their brother.
Finally Bruce tracks them down Dick stops sobbing coming out of his emotional meltdown and Bruce realizes his youngest are the greatest threat imaginable and his eldest is a fucking moron.

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Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me
Don't leave this in the tags.
What do you mean this isn’t how Batman adopted Jason?
(you can’t see Gordon’s face, but trust that he’s so sick of Batman’s shit)
there is a baby in this dumpster b man; are you gonna take to cps or should i not bother calling them because.. and here he goes running away with a child in his arms, at least he has the courtesy to let me watch him quite literally kidnap
Art dump
genderfluid tim drake is eating my brain
—
cass, noticing tim wearing a she/they pronoun pin: girl day?
tim, shrugged: girl-ish day
cass, nodding: down for girls night though?
tim: always
cass: ill call steph and tell her your coming then
—
interviewer: so tim, with your recent more feminine looks at gala's you've got people wondering, are you a girl now?
tim: im whatever makes everyone who finds me hot gay
—
jason: ladies first
tim: im a boy
jason: im never holding a door open for you again
—
kon: so if you're like a boy, girl, and neither... does that mean your my boygirlpartnerfriend?
tim: what the hell, sure
I approve as a chaotic gender fluid
(don't worry Kon. My partner also doesn't know what to call me)
I love ittt!!!!

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They have a Wall of Shame for the Worst Mission Plans™. Among them are:
- Hire a band for mood music
- Build a fake Batburger
- Draw Killer Croc out by flooding the sewers
- End all crime by renaming Crime Alley to Lawful Fun Times Alley
- Do all the drugs so there's nothing left to deal
- Adopt all the criminals and ground them so they can't leave the house and do crime
- Kill everyone
- Give all civilians an emergency hand grenade
- Microdose bullets to build immunity
- Take Gotham and move it somewhere else because there's clearly something in the water
- Dump all the Rogues in Metropolis. They're Superman's problem now
I would like to add to this:
- Give Alfred a shotgun and let him loose in the city for a few days
- Just leave. The Gothamites can fend for themselves
- Send the joker a nice gift and hope that makes him less inclined to kill everyone
- Fake the deaths of the entire batfam and hope that the rogues stop killing out of respect for the dead?
I like to think that most of these are made by Tim when he’s been working a case for too long with no sleep :)
They have a Wall of Shame for the Worst Mission Plans™. Among them are:
- Hire a band for mood music
- Build a fake Batburger
- Draw Killer Croc out by flooding the sewers
- End all crime by renaming Crime Alley to Lawful Fun Times Alley
- Do all the drugs so there's nothing left to deal
- Adopt all the criminals and ground them so they can't leave the house and do crime
- Kill everyone
- Give all civilians an emergency hand grenade
- Microdose bullets to build immunity
- Take Gotham and move it somewhere else because there's clearly something in the water
- Dump all the Rogues in Metropolis. They're Superman's problem now
Grayson
Drake
Damian
Grayson
Todd
Drake
Damian
Todd
Todd
Drake
Grayson
Canonically we know that Cass pictures what Steph would tell her in those dire moments where she needs to make sense of her emotions
But what if she pictures Steph in those not-so-dire moments too. Like Steph is just the stopper in all her impulsive thoughts
Cass: *sniffs a bath bomb*
Cass: Ooh. Smells like cupcakes.
Steph's voice in her head: Don't.
Cass: *lifts it to her mouth*
Steph with a metaphorical spray bottle: No! Bad girl! Put that down!
Cass, pouting: Fine.
What's their ship name? Is it StephCass? Or Spoilerbat? Or Black spoiler?
Tim: Bruce, I’m gay
Bruce: oh
Tim: oh?
Bruce: I mean you being gay sort of ruins the entire edgy thing the batfamily has going on
Tim: what?
Bruce: because you’re gay.. you’re happy..??
Tim: when Dick uses the term gay he means something different than me
Dick, poking head into room: no we mean the same thing, I just didn’t want to explain it to him
Tim: no Bruce, I’m bisexual, I’m into men and woman
Bruce: oh, congrats? Me too?
Tim: WHAT?!
Dick: Superman was my co parent at one point I definitely saw them kiss
Tim: again, WHAT?!

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Jason: *squinting at phone* Tim: are you. . . Okay?? Dude? Jason: *tears of frustration in his eyes* people, Timmy. People are FAILING AS A CONCEPT, HUMANITY’S DEPRAVITY HAS OUTGROWN ITS CONFINES WITHIN OUR MORALITY AND HOPE FOR A BETTER FUTURE HAS BEEN ECLIPSED BY FEAR OF EHAT WR HAVE BECOME Tim: Damian: he found out people have been getting ai to write fanfics Tim: Tim: honestly . . . that’s an under-reaction if anything Jason: *loudly sobbing* Tim: want me to wage war on ai? Jason: you’d do that for me? Tim: not for free of course, I was unlimited cookies for the next three years Jason: deal
I'm down to make cookies for 3 years for the person who wins the war against generative ai... That sounds like a very fair price, actually...
same. FREE COOKIES FOR WHOEVER SETS FIRE TO THE SERVERS
ALL the good tags
Also, I will add on 52 trays of my best brownies (each tray has 16) which should nicely cover a year of brownies.... Upon successful completion of the mission!
i’ll make cookies, brownies, and some cakes too if yall can get rid of generative AI🙏🙏🙏
y'all, earlier today this happened to me
me: *laying in bed mining my own business* sister: if you could have one wish, ANY WISH, what would it be me: *assuming that nothing at all will be done with this information, and not in the mood to bring down the vibe by saying something depressing like "we as a species achieved the fundamental understanding that differences are a benefit to existence"* uhhhhhhh . . . i wish ai would disappear sister: *frowning* THAT'S your answer? me: i mean,,, yeah?? why not two minutes later: *overly-loud laughter from across the house* me: *still laying in bed and my sister comes in, still laughing* sister: mom said she could have guessed me: you told her--wait . . . how??? how would she know??? sure, I have strong opinions about it, but I don't ever talk about it to yall! sister: you talk about it all the time me: damn.
As a fanfic and actual writer, I’ll sell my fucking soul (and 42 brownie cookies trust me they’re good) if someone got reed of generative AI