the queer community needs to hype up disability pride month (july btw) while queer pride month is happening. the queer community needs to amplify disabled queer experiences.

the queer community needs to recognize intersex people and how many of us have disabilities related to our intersex variation - and this Still Does Not Prove Eugenicists Right.

the best part of an oreo is the black cookie part and not the frosting part

light without darkness is blinding

Hey, I’m trans. I ask because I see a lot of “why are there so many men in lesbian spaces” posts here and even though almost always do I see affirmations in the comments that they aren’t talking about trans women I still feel a lot of second hand guilt over being here. I’ve heard too many stories of men going “you haven’t had the right dick yet” to lesbians here in their DMs or on apps like HER and I’m terrified of being just that. There was a post the other day here too of a woman sending mean DMs to a trans woman on HER accusing her of invading her “women only” app by having an account on there.

A lot of lesbians on here seem to attest that we aren’t the same as cis men, but I kinda want to know their experiences with us and how they really feel around us and if us trans girls ever come off as creepy as cis men do or if you feel we aren’t like that and more naturally fit into these spaces. I always see myself as being in spaces such as this sub as a privilege that I have to work for and can lose at any time as opposed to a natural right that cis sapphics have just by proxy of being born women, and if I lose that privilege by being a creep I have nobody to blame but myself…

Some replies that stood out:

GFluidThrow123: So…the question your title asks and the context your post actually gives are two totally different things. Cis men and trans women aren’t the same. At all. Cis men are men. Trans women are women. That’s not even debatable as far as I’m concerned. What you’re dealing with is extreme insecurity. You need to love yourself more and recognize that you belong in these spaces because you’re a woman. You’re not an exception or a label with a little asterisk next to it. You’re just a woman, plain and simple. Don’t compare yourself to men. You’re not one.

Efvie: Trans women are women means you, hon, and it also means everyone else. “Men are a problem in lesbian spaces” is a complete sentence and it’s got nothing to do with you except that they will bother you at some point too.

TwoTrucksPayingTaxes: I just want to say that you have the same right to these spaces as cis lesbians. You don’t have to earn the right to be here, and cis lesbians with bad behavior should also be kicked. Cis lesbians aren’t more naturally fit. Challenge those thoughts, it’s internalized transphobia.

Bazbian: ““you haven’t had the right dick yet”” Well for one, I’ve heard this comment from all but one of the cis men I allowed into my life. I’ve never once had a trans woman try to push their genitalia on me. I admittedly don’t interact much with trans women (at least none that are out), probably because I’m living pretty rural again but I’ll tell a small story of when I was living in the city: I was in an abusive relationship, mostly financial but also emotional and she got physical with me a few times. When I finally had enough, an acquaintance who was a trans woman helped me escape and let me lay low with her for a few days until my friends could make the trip to come pick me up. I always felt 100% safe with her, whenever I visit the city for meetups or work I’ll stay with her for a few days. I wouldn’t feel this safe with a cis man, even my best guy friend who I’ve known for over two decades.

Pristine-Bison3198: I don’t click with men. Friendship with men I’m not related to takes a lot of effort and setting aside discomfort in ways I don’t have to do with even women I barely know. Never had to work on a friendship with a trans woman the way I have to with men. The discomfort and need for effort isn’t there. Same as with any other woman. As far as being in these spaces, you’re a woman, if you are also attracted to women, you belong in this space. The existence of assholes doesn’t change that. I don’t hear it as much, but when I was younger there were quite a few people who believed anybody who wasn’t gold star didn’t belong in lesbian spaces. That doesn’t mean that they were right, it just means that they were dicks. Same thing with transphobic people.

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