Burt Macklin, FBI

APPARENTLY MY MOMS BOYFRIEND HAD JURY DUTY WITH JOHN MULANEY AND WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM

imagine going to the jury and seeing him like i wouldn’t be able to keep it together emotionally i’d just be disqualified the plaintiff would be like “he stole my assets” and i’d be like I Have Fired The Criminal Catcher

John Mulaney Gives You The Death Sentence (ASMR)

Imagine being on trial and you look over at the jury and John Mulaney is just sitting there. How do you handle that, psychologically. How do you not conclude your life has turned into a piece of absurdist theatre

The jury finds you guilty and sentences you to 20,000 plays of What’s New Pussycat.

you sound like a starship's central computer that has little grasp on what humans find enjoyable

that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me

PS1 graphics

they make the best aliens because little girls are fucking bizarre, nobody else can match that energy

ʍoǝɯ

Atlas the titan condemned to hold up the sky for eternity

The apocalypse happened here in 1620.

@-lovewillfindyou

Me too!!! Fuck those royal assholes!

I’m proud of him for Standing up for her

so casual i love it

a sleepover with jc and the boys

this post gets more absurd every time it crosses my dash

Jesus, trying to get them to stop drinking: this wine is uhhhhhh my blood