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you know what? fuck it, man. the world is held in the fists of people who like to break things. at this point iâm saying who gives a shit. wear that victorian dress you donât have an excuse for. dress up like a witch, pointed hat and all. who cares anymore. why worry about it when thereâs bigger stuff to worry on. iâm saying. yeah, this lipstick is too dark, wanna share? iâm saying go talk to her, tell her that you like her hair. iâm saying sheâs out of my league but iâm still swinging, iâm saying yeah iâm in a ballgown and itâs a pta meeting. what about it. eat the extra brownie, tell her your feelings. iâm saying if nothing matters than we might as well give nothing meaning.
#iâm saying if existence is a void at least iâm going down screaming.
itâs been 9 years since i wrote this. i was experiencing 24/7 anxiety so badly that i needed serious medication. these days in the back of my car is an âemergency party box.â when people admit they no longer really celebrate their birthday; i tell them to put the sash on and queue up kesha, weâre going bowling or something. these days i canât spin around without finding something i am enamored with. these days i list 3 things iâm grateful for before i fall asleep. youâre probably one of them, just by virtue of you existing.
at the time i wrote this, i was suffering through a severe panic attack literally every night. i tortured my brother with constant 2 AM calls just to hear someone else breathing, because i couldnât be alone in the silence.
i rarely wish i was still 23 even though ironically i had more hope back then. what i can tell you is this: i love the same way, but bigger now. iâve worn the velvet cape to several business meetings. i spent thursday in a crop top without caring what my stomach looked like.
i told her i like her; i often dress as a witch. i still got glass in my foot this morning. iâve kissed maybe a thousand people since then and met a million more than that; passing like the shadow of a hammerhead in trains and planes and buses.
i saw you, beloved, there, maybe, on platform in south station. you didnât speak, but you said: i struggle to give the nothing meaning. the nothing fills up everything. it is just loud and yellowed panicked silence. i canât stop shaking.
on the roof, birds curl together against the chilled spring wind. the sky outside of the craft store was an iridescent pink. the nothing already had meaning; you are giving it meaning by witnessing.
the act of living, beloved: itâs just decoding how to translate it.
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so youre telling me that some asshole can just throw together meaningless shit and get notes and attention yet when i put actual thought into the things i say nothing happens i am so fucking done with this bullshit god damn fuck
yo i saw you're post about Vil and wanted to get you're opinion on a surprisingly common trope in twst fics. that being, as soon as Vil discovers Yuu is a girl he basically starts instantly meddling in their lives to make them "presentable" even if that fic's Yuu doesn't want him to. ive seen a case where he essentially almost blackmails Yuu into being his dress up doll because he knows their secret gender and does some other things too. i always found that so scummy personally but i was wondering what other people think.
the fact that this is so prevalent in girl Yuu but rarely any other Yuus is a little weird too...
i know im anon but im still trying to not be too specific cause i dont want to like "call out" any authors or specific fics. no hate just trying to figure out why this trope is around. im someone who values personal freedom a lot so whenever i see this stuff with Vil I have to wonder if it's really that nessacary to have him be like this. there's more i could've said but i'll stop here.
You see, I'm the biggest believe in write what you wanna write, because ultimately I can just not read something if I don't like it. However, I've always believed the most of the Twst cast would not care if Yuu was a girl.
Firstly, two of the Yuu's in the manga are girls, one of which is incredibly feminine, and from my knowledge most of the cast treats them completely the same as everyone else. Secondly, and I mentioned this in passing before, but I don't believe masculinity and femininity are held to such high standards in the world of Twisted Wonderland. While much of the this is Yana's style, most of the characters, even the more "masculine" ones, wear makeup and present in a more feminine way. As I mentioned before, but I don't think Vil is considered revolutionary in Twisted Wonderland for being particularly feminine since it's just common for people in this world to present that way.
But let's say Twisted Wonderland is like our world, and there are strict ideas of gender and presentation that people are encouraged to follow. Why would Vil out of everyone be the one to care? He is a feminine presenting man, why would a woman dressing more masculine bother him when he's essentially doing the same thing. Why would he discourage someone from presenting the way they wanted to present themself? I could understand it if Yuu felt as though they were boxed into the masculine presentation as a way of conforming to Nights Raven since it's an all male school, but then I think Vil would be encouraging Yuu to present in a way that's more true to themself rather than treating them like a doll.
Honestly, I think some Twst fans have a very strict idea of what/who Yuu is meant to be. I've noticed, especially as the manga grows in popularity, that there are a subset of Twst fans who are kinda weird about Yuu's gender. There's either people who are strangely adamant that Yuu is male because it's a all male school, despite the fact that the literal point of the entire story is that Yuu is accidentally sent to another world, and there's people who are strangely adamant Yuu is female despite nothing really suggesting that, and that swear every character would treat Yuu like they're the most special person on earth rather than an actual person. It's like people seem to forget that Twisted Wonderland is a place where women hold various positions of power and leadership and are actual people because the game focuses mainly on male characters. And it sucks because, for as little as there are, I think Twst does a good job at presenting these women like real people. I love the relationship between Najma and Jamil, or Deuce and his mother Dylla. It feels really genuine and like a lot of care was put into them.
I kinda got sidetracked, but I think a lot of people really want to put Vil into a box of either feminine or masculine and cannot wrap their heads around the idea that he doesn't ascribe to either of those identities. As a result, they turn him into someone trying to control others identities when that's just not something he'd do.
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Other than the Tweels, I think Vil gets mischaracterized the most, with a lot of people believing he'd be needlessly cruel to someone he doesn't deem as "beautiful."
Obviously, I've already talked about how I don't think Twisted Wonderland has the same standards as beauty as our world, but even if we're saying it does, Vil isn't a conventionally attractive man. He is hyper feminine, wears makeup and dresses and heels, he wouldn't be considered traditionally beautiful by male standards. So even then, I don't view Vil as someone who would treat others like garbage because he doesn't find them beautiful.
A lot of people tend to take Vil as a character at face value. They see his Overblot and assume it was because he wasn't deemed the best, when in reality it's much more than that. For his entire life, Vil has been put into a box and compared to others. He was never given the opportunity to be anything but what others deemed for him. Even though he's worked hard to achieve the things he wants, when he looses the VDC, it destroys him because his perception of himself is completely destroyed. He can no longer pretend that he is perfect, because his loss actively works against that. That's why the meaning of Book 5 is about stepping away from the idea of beauty that focuses on others perceptions of you, and instead focusing on achieving a version of yourself that you are proud of.
That's why Vil is so hard on Epel, because he knows that Epel's obsession with being masculine comes from insecurity and caring too much about what others think. That's why he allows Rook to transfer to Pomefiore despite him being kinda a freak. He knows that they are driven and passionate about what they want, and that's what beauty is to him.
That's why I never understand it when people say that Vil wouldn't entertain someone who doesn't fit a specific standard of beauty. If that's the case, why would he entertain Rook? You can say he thought Rook had potential, but Rook was a dirty hunter with sticks in his hair and mud on his skin who was likely slobbering at the chance to even meet Vil. I think being genuine to yourself matters more to Vil. If being genuine means never wearing makeup, then that's what he likes. If being genuine means having a ten step skincare/makeup routine, that thanks what he likes.
TDLR: Vil's idea of beauty focuses more on inward beauty and achieving the version of beauty that is authentic to you, rather than traditional ideals of beauty. If he likes you, and it's clear you're true to who you are, then Vil isn't going to not pursue you.
/ / transfem pomefiore is shit: an analysis
(copied from my twitter)
the entirety of transfem pomefiore is usually based off of the appearance of vil, rook, and epel. this thread is mostly opinion-based with generalized quotations & scenes as evidence.
VIL
some of the fandom have taken vil's character and mutilated it into something unrecognizable. vil is a gender non-conforming person. this is seen all throughout book 5, where he tries to get rid of gender roles in the dance.
majority of vil's character sends the message that beauty has no gender, as shown through the makeup and skincare he uses daily. headcanoning him as transfem conforms him to the exact stereotypical standard he dislikes and is trying to prove wrong.
if you want to pull up the argument of jp vil using the argument of him using "feminine pronouns", please look at these screenshots!
calling him transfem because of the way he dresses is disregarding the fact that he is non-conforming to gender roles/stereotypes
and mfs will still miss the entire point of vil's character đđđ
side note: changing vil's gender just for ship art is also not okay, unless you are going to change his partner's gender to their opposite as well.
ROOK
many of the fandom only headcanons rook as transfem because of his innate sense of finding beauty in everything he looks at. the idea that men cannot find beauty in the world is a systemic gender-role that we have placed on males.
the fact that rook genuinely believes that beauty is in everything is rooted in his family and his family's values. this has nothing to do with his masculinity/femininity and is just about his family's teachings. also, his hair being long has absolutely NOTHING to do with gender.
despite not having as much evidence against the transfem rook headcanon, it is still important to recognize that he shouldn't be headcanoned this way.
EPEL
majority of epel's character surrounds him being overtly masculine while having feminine features. he does not like his feminine features and tries to make up for them by acting over-the-top with masculinity and hating everything "girly" or "feminine".
in book five he calls something vil is teaching "feminine" and he is sent to do more "female"-centered movements on the bar at the back of the studio (where deuce joins him voluntarily, said by him that he has sereotypes that he wishes to get rid of).
the course of book 5 teaches epel about being more comfortable in his body, but does NOT mean that he is transfem. it means that he, as a boy, was uncomfortable with the way he looked and wished he was more "male-like".
saying that epel is transfem because of the way he looks, or that he would "be more comfortable as a female" is disregarding his entire personality and struggles. him canonically using his feminine features to fight a group of boys on the beach does not make him transfem. it makes him smart and understanding of how to use his features to the advantage.
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Something abt Riddle's mom - if applying the theory that children learn the most by observing their parents, I think it's more accurate to say Mrs. Roseheart is someone with genuinely good intentions but poor emotional regulation and coping mechanisms. And Riddle learned how to handle emotions and coping mechanisms from his mother, and while he understood the intention behind his mother's actions and words, he didn't fully realize that her own handling of emotions and coping was unhealthy until he sees the consequences of it post-overblot and therapy. I think when Riddle talks about having a talk with his mom, it's more about opening the door about the subject about both Mrs. Roseheart's and Riddle's method and understanding of emotional regulation isn't constructive, it's unintentionally destructive and Riddle cares that his mother could likely go through similar situations (in that his doubling down on control leads to damaging his relationships with others, and leads to more harm to everyone, especially himself, in the long run if maintained) like his chapter. It's a bit more realistic - I think - that Mama Roseheart is just as complex as Riddle is but also has some blind spots that she unintentionally passed onto Riddle.
x - Anon
CONTENT WARNING: In this post, I will discuss, mention, and/or allude to potentially triggering subject matter such as child abuse and generational trauma. Please be aware of this before proceeding to read what is under the cut.
I think we do see a lot of parallels between Riddle and his mother, particularly in his Sky Nightâs Chiffon/Twilit Fit vignettes. His own dormâs students often complain about how strict Riddle is with themâbut they also begrudgingly acknowledge that the reason they are able to succeed is because Riddle goes out of his way to support them. Because of this, not a single student has dropped out of Heartslabyul since Riddle ascended to the seat of dorm leader, and all the rooms in Heartslabyul are full. (Compare this to Scarbia and Savanaclaw, that do have empty rooms, meaning that students must have dropped out.) This mirrors Riddleâs relationship with his mother. Mrs. Rosehearts is similarly very strict with Riddle, but as a result of that, Riddle credits her for his excellence in academics and picking up skills he otherwise never would have.
Thereâs other similarities as well, like how both have short tempers, demand that others obey the rules, and blow up at disobedience or any stepping out of line. They do not know how to respond to problems without becoming deeply emotional about it, and that has become the main tool they fall back on for conflict resolution. (Riddle learns better later, of course, but back in book 1 it was pretty bad.)
It makes sense that a child as isolated as Riddle looked to his motherâseemingly the only person he was ever around for most of his life (outside of school)âas a model for behavior. Not only that, but she is a respected medical mage in their community, so the environment Riddle grew up in continues reinforces the idea that Mrs. Roseheartsâs way of going about life is the âcorrectâ way, and what Riddle should strive to emulate. He picked up on her behaviors because he knows little else and is frequently shown this is ârightâ. After all, Mrs. Rosehearts is respected and accomplished, and Riddle is just a kid with a limited understanding of the world beyond what his mom has told him. Dude never even played video games, read fun books, or even watched movies (not counting educational ones). What else is he supposed to rely on?
Viewed like this, Riddle and his mother are both people with good intentions but poor emotional regulation and coping mechanisms. The idea that Riddleâs mom may be a victim of abuse herself has been proposed by other anons! In a worst case scenario, Riddle might go on to perpetuate generational trauma. I think having others there to call him out and get him help definitely changed him for the better and prevented him from going down the same path as Mrs. Rosehearts.
Being that Riddle continues to hold a fondness for his mother even after recognizing the abuse he experienced, their relationship has a lot more to it than meets the eye. Yes, she goes overboardâbut she also genuinely does everything she can to help her son succeed, from sending him to a private school, fretting about his nutrition, and getting a head-start on his education. And she did overreact by shrieking wt the Clovers for 5 hours, but was she wrong to panic about her young son going missing from her home?? Thereâs so much more to the story here than âRosehearts mama abusive and badâ. Itâs a real shame that a lot of western fans tend to demonize Mrs. Rosehearts and donât consider her humanity, especially when it relates so closely to her sonâs đŠ
I think many of us thought that Riddleâs winter break discussion with his mom was going to be him confronting her about the abuse, but considering how complex his feelings about the matter are, it could very well be something more akin to what youâve suggested. Maybe Riddle empathizes with his mom and wants to express to her that her parenting + reactions are destructive, rather than constructive, and thatâs hurting their entire family. Her son doesnât know how to be flexible + lacks friends, her marriage is an unhappy one, and sheâs (unintentionally) setting everything up to continue her legacy of wrath and strained relationships. I donât know if Mrs. Rosehearts would necessarily listen (given how both she and Riddle have demonstrated an adversity to admitting theyâre wrong), but just laying the groundwork by bringing it up would be nice.
Iâm sad that not even book 7.5 gave us any kind of follow-up on that conversation⊠I wonder if itâll be kept vague forever and weâll be left wondering + speculating about it :((
the idea of dming people i think are cool is so scary. like i would much rather vaguepost about a shared interest and then wait for them to see it and then kick my legs and giggle when they like the post. you know like a normal person