⭐️Lush💚 || DID Pain

Sure you do

Don’t judge please I drew these in like 5 minutes

But I mean, the fact I’m a system means I didn’t, or part of me didn’t

The fact my mother has been screaming at me for as long as I can remember about how “I’m not who I used to be”

I don’t know anything about me, or who I was

But I also don’t truly know how to survive

I wasn’t taught anything, I wasn’t given structure or a choice

It’s so deafeningly quiet without the chaos, and I hate that I don’t know how to live without it

I’m safe, it’s still, the threat has ended. Externally

Inside, we still live there because we know nothing else

And I don’t know how to leave

The depression has been horrific lately so I turn back to tumblr apparently, I guess I need an outlet and don’t have other options

So cutesy

When you finally feel like you can share a niche interest that you have in common with someone, or that someone opens your eyes to their niche interest

And instead of being treated like two friends with niche interests, you’re treated like you’re lying/copying

Like baby girl please, I am just not very creative and want to feel close to my friends with our shared niche interests, why has it become a competition

So then I tuck that interest away and pull back cause what else does my shitty brain expect me to do

Except my bedrotting cat who gets absolutely so happy when I come home because he knows cuddles are imminent

He screams at me and jumps on my shoulder while I’m walking, then lays on my chest while purring and happy drooling when I lay down with him

And sometimes that’s all I need to heal

How do you expect me to get out of bed when he is sooooo happy to rot with me for eons without stirring