Oop ok :( i kinda wanted this to be a private thing but that's fine! Ok this is kind of a long question but I'd like you to help me with understanding it.
So yeah, my experience with loa has been very shaky and quite honestly I cannot differentiate loa from general life experiences.
I have ADHD and like, my mental health in general is very bad. But I'm also pretty neutral about life (i have an average life: avg college, avg Friend group, good grades, avg looks, AND I'm dissatisfied because it's not as good as the life I've scripted and imagined, I lived in this DR mentally, constantly escaping reality for YEARS), I tend to spiral into negativity very quicky when things don't go my way.
For the past 5 years I've been barely living in reality - constantly in my head, constantly imagining entering the void state that night and waking up to my desired life the next morning.
I've seen and read so many posts on the void state, I've been obsessed with it for SO long. So like, throughout the past 5 years, good things happened, bad things also happened(often 1:3 ratio approx lmao) and I've also known loassumption for so long and it never made me truly feel safe. Like, i never felt like I was controlling my life and manifesting good things. Life always felt out of my control. (I have to tell you that I'm not much into effort lol) I wanted 100/100 and I put very little effort, but when I used to mentally assume/affirm that I score a 100, in the end I just end up scoring 70-90 max, So many incidents like these made me feel like I'm not the creator of my reality.
Last year in November something terrible happened and my soul was shattered and i was living dead for a while lol, i was so broken and tired but ONE RANDOM DAY I was like, "wait nvm I'll just do what I should and I'll not care about the results". And i started focusing on studying, let go of the desire to enter the void and esp mentally told myself not to be ambiguous in thoughts(if I get a negative what if...thought, i just ignored it and only focus on clear thoughts, aka living in the present) and for a long while it went like sunshines โ๏ธ and rainbows ๐, i scored top in many exams, i felt physically better, even got an opportunity to travel out to another state and won a prize in an international event) up until Feb of 2026.
ONCE THIS was over, my self concept went to shit and whatever way I was living before the good time, I forgot everything and now I'm feeling like the same old person I used to be, because things have changed, I'll be graduating soon, but I don't have a job yet, the job market is terrible and what not. Now everything is intimidating again, but this time I don't have a safety net mentally like I had when before graduation(because all I had to do was study, without the fear of unemployment).
This made me question my perception of the entire LOA, coming back to my main point, are the above series of events all just situational or did i actively manifest it??? Because I don't feel like I'm the creator of my reality :/ (I didn't feel like the creator even when things were going great)
Sorry for the very long ask, I'm kinda going insane esp with my ADHD, it's tough to be concise also Eng is not my first language. ๐ญ
Ty for reading this Helen. I hope I made sense ๐งโโ๏ธ๐๐ป
Darling first of all thanks for asking, but couldn't you make it a bit shorter? ๐ฌ I'm willing to answer, like I said in my many previous posts, I'm here to help with technical side of the loa (like confusions, short questions and details etc). Please don't drop lore on me. Read my DNI, posts List and asks terms first. (Like I said, I have its link on my pinned post)
also, some other warnings; do NOT ask me to guide you, im not a loa/ shifting coach. I'm NOT an advisor, I never claimed to be, I'm not your therapist, don't drop lore/renting, I'm awkward with it, don't ask things desperately I BEG YOU. Please read the text ive put on my introduction post before asking any question. I have detailed and professional posts about the things that might've been troubling you. Im doing this to prevent repeating myself over and over again cause yall frequently ask the same questions (or things highly related to one solution). My first language is not english, i sometimes use a translator so if i said something that might sound odd, let me know. DMs are closed FOREVER, cause i will not deal with weird scammers or ppl who tryna steal my shit. You can always reach me out on asks.
Other bloggers will understand me I'm sure. But please try to make empathy. Read my DNI list and terms first, then look at my posts and you'll see MANY detailed content, pick one of them according to your problem, and if you can't find it, then ask me. But I'm sure you'll find something suitable.
I don't wanna be rude, but don't drop unnecessarily long and detailed context. Just your question, and only needed lore. That's all. For me to understand you better. I couldn't quite understand what you even asked.
You have a way to go, try to learn things like LOA and void state better. Cause if I try to tell you from scratch it'll take too much time and this post will be 500 paragraphs long.
If any other of y'all read this, DO NOT ask me to open DMs. I WON'T. if you have a question, do the things I've listed above. It'll be much easier and better for me and all of you. Thanks.