There is much mystery betwixt these gnarled vines.

Yeah, whilst Bolaire is wallowing in his situation, he has every right to, and let me just say as someone who has been told to “just get over it” and “leave it in the past” about her own abuse, especially when I was only just starting to be able to talk about it, watching Bolaire being told to “let go of [Thjazi] and start dealing with us” hurts.

Abuse isn’t just being beaten up or sexually assaulted. It’s all the little things as well. The ways you’re made to feel small, less than. The way you don’t know when the bad things will happen again, or if today will be a day you get treated like something other than a thing. Sometimes the waiting is worse as it builds up in your mind. You can deal with it in the moment, it’s later the fear and helplessness preys on you whilst you wait for the next time.

And what’s even worse is when you finally get up the courage to start to tell people about the horrors you went through, and they’re dismissed as not being much, that the person you’re accusing couldn’t have, wouldn’t have done these things. Somehow it was your fault, you’re just looking for attention, you’re jealous of how wonderful they are. They’d never do these things to you, they’re too good a person, or you’re too ugly or pathetic or whatever.

Hearing these dismissive things from the people you loved most and hoped would stand up with you and support you is a worse betrayal than the abuse you suffered in the first place. And watching them actively protect your abuser? It’s the most isolating feeling in the world.

No wonder Bolaire says, “I’m more alone than ever.” Because in that moment he is.

Don’t ask me how I know - I might tell you at length, and no one wants that.