*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

ID: 1.) A video of the wizard pondering an orb, edited so that an AMV of Jon Arbuckle set to the song You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid by The Offspring is playing in the orb. 2.) A screenshot of a post by tumblr user @ nothorses that says, “Wish I knew how to edit the orb pondering image so it’s dance fucker dance john arbuckle inside the orb.” End ID.

the existence of uncanny valley would suggest there is also a canny mountain

This is why it's essential to interrogate the fitness and strategy of would-be opposition leaders NOW so we can at least make an educated guess about who has what it takes.

goodbye $200 helloooo 3 groceries

I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby

English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking shit about the neighbor's son

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

no mi circo no mis feratus

im not fucking joking i just found a women want me fish fear me hat on the ground

i don’t understand, are they supposed to get nicer or just less bruised up?

<- cocaine / alcohol->

I wish I could fear, because I know I’m supposed to fear this, but I’m kinda into it.

Rich people are literally just lying about being good at money btw