I am everywhere yet nowhere at the same time

Hello, my internet name is LordSpade but you can call me Spade!

I do “x Reader” headcannons or small oneshots every once in a while if asked or if I get stricken by a good idea!

I do most things for Shadow Milk (or something the others in the deceitful crew, but it won’t be who I write for most) as long as it isn’t smut, canon x canon, or anything problematic(incest, pedo, etc…)

My asks and requests are always open, and if you have an idea you’d like to share with me then please feel free as I love interacting with other people who also passionate about some of my favorite things!

Some random things about me:

I use he/him pronouns right now, and I am likely biromantic and somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but I won’t mention anything about this unless I have discovered a better label or if someone asks me something that has a correlation to this (for example, somebody might ask for Shadow Milk with an asexual Reader & I can talk a little about how I am on the spectrum would be perceived and how general asexual things would affect the relationship)

My main fandoms are Cookie Run: Kingdom, Vocaloid, and TADC, but I only have the confidence to write for Cookie Run as of right now(but that may change depending on how confident I am later on!)

I hope you will enjoy my writing and if you ever catch any mistakes feel free to tell me as I’m typing based off the English I learned and not a translator, so I might accidentally make a few careless mistakes!

So… that scene with Ribbit was something..! (I never suspected transfem Jax until that scene and was pleasantly surprised!) Now that I’ve come onto the transfem Jax side of Tumblr, I honestly see how some people have seen transfem Jax since like episode 5 and am really happy to see people posting about her! I hope everyone gets to collectively cry when they hear “Isn’t She Lovely”!

(I used this a reference btw:

I need Reader to be brought to Shadow Milk’s other realm or some quiet area in the Vanilla Kingdom and cry about not being comfortable in their own dough. I need Reader to curl in on themselves and wish they were another cookie. I need them to wish they could tear themselves apart to find out why they were baked this way. I need them to make themselves feel worse thinking about why they’re upset because it seems like such a stupid reason to cry. I need them to compare themselves to other cookies and get mad at themself for being upset when others have it worse. I need them to be absolutely miserable. I need them to think about someone or something to bringing attention to their insecurities and start the cycle over again.

When Shadow Milk and/or Pure Vanilla/Truthless Recluse arrive, I want Reader to be comforted by their partner(s?) gently. I want Shadow Milk and/or Pure Vanilla/Truthless Recluse to tell them that they are perfect the way they are. I want Shadow Milk and/or Pure Vanilla/Truthless Recluse to tell them that it’s okay to feel insecure about things no matter how impactful it is to their life. I want Reader to disagree, to say that they don’t deserve it, that Shadow Milk and/or Pure Vanilla/Truthless Recluse are lying to them. I want Shadow Milk and/or Pure Vanilla/Truthless Recluse to then be determined to prove just how important they are to them. I want Shadow Milk and/or Pure Vanilla/Truthless Recluse to take time away from being productive to support them. I want Shadow Milk and/or Pure Vanilla/Truthless Recluse to sit next to them and talk to them about just how much they are loved and appreciated. I want Shadow Milk and/or Pure Vanilla/Truthless Recluse to call them their favorite nicknames and help them get back on their feet. I want Shadow Milk and/or Pure Vanilla/Truthless Recluse to be gentle and kind to them in a way they understand isn’t pity but is instead done out of love. I want them to feel good about themselves for the first time in weeks because of what they said.

I think that how Shadow Milk would be with you as a nonbinary person depends on where you are on the genderless spectrum! (I’m saying this because someone can be nonbinary and still use pronouns like he/they, she/they, etc… and nonbinary people don’t owe anyone androgyny. You can wear dresses and makeup, suits and ties, or dress as androgynously as you can and still be nonbinary!)

For example, if you want to completely change your wardrobe since it’s too masculine or feminine to comfortable for you, you’ll be flooded with new clothes by your delightful jester! (He’d definitely be the type of partner to lend you his clothes or even make you clothes when you ask, so let’s hope you like the color blue because you might have an unhealthy amount of blue clothes after all those gifts!) But if you want to dress masculine or feminine and admit to him that it’s a struggle to still be gendered correctly when you go out, he’ll pull a few strings for you and voila, you are respected (though you might have to ignore the way some cookies are very intimated by you now since he probably threatened the general public…)

Now, if you’re ever worried that being nonbinary might scare Shadow Milk away, he’d tell you otherwise! I headcannon him as pansexual, so I don’t think he’d care much about you being different, but even if he wasn’t pansexual, I wouldn’t think he’d be wary of you. He’s been around for a long time, and with the way Earthbread seems to be far more accepting with nonbinary cookies (I say this because I know there’s a good bit of characters canonically using they/them, he/they, or she/they), I’d say him being unaccepting would be more of a stretch.

One more thing I feel like I should say is Shadow Milk would sometimes be a little much about some aspects. For example, if you do voice training, you’d better hope that you can fit in time to do it every day (or every other day) as he’ll make sure you stay on top of it! Also, he’d probably teach you a bit of illusion magic for whenever you’re feeling bad about your body. It might not be your real body, but he feels like if it makes you happy it’s worth teaching you how to hold illusions like that!

I don’t believe that you being bisexual would cause much of a change in your relationship with Shadow Milk. As I said in the nonbinary drabble, I headcannon Shadow Milk to be pansexual, so he’d obviously support you as another queer person himself! The only thing I think could change would be how comfortable he is using female forms around you.

For example, I think Shadow Milk would’ve been more hesitant to show you female disguises before you came out as bisexual because he’d be worried that you’d be… displeased? He doesn’t think you’d necessarily make it weird, no, no, of course not! What he thought was that if he showed you that he could be a woman, you could lose interest or think less or him (because he observed that sort of trend with cookies)…

I definitely know how you feel when it’s hard to find any good trans reader content as I think I might be transmasc myself and I don’t see much T-T

(Right now I’m thinking I’ll do transmasc, transfem, nonbinary, aroace[so it’d be a queer platonic relationship or just friends], asexual, and bisexual, but if you have any suggestions, I can do those as well!)

You are one of Pure Vanilla’s friends who traveled with him and the group of Gingerbrave’s friends to Beast Yeast, so you were with Pure Vanilla and the kids when Shadow Milk trapped them in the spire. It was a terrifying experience, not knowing what was happening to your friend as his act as Truthless Recluse played out and trying to act as the kids’ protector all while Shadow Milk pushed you all through his trials. But despite all of the fear you felt, you also felt… confused. Shadow Milk had dragged you around a lot, likely using you as a means to mess with Truthless Recluse, but it felt like more than that. You were fairly sure that he enjoyed having you close by as the eyes in his hair all focused on you in what looked like fascination and tenderness any time he was holding onto you, making you wonder about just how many cookies he chooses to touch actually let him without any complaints like you’ve been doing. It made you realize how lonely he must be and how you weren’t opposed to giving him company. In fact, sometimes you’d actively seek him out in the spire (to no avail since Candy Apple and Black Sapphire always found you first, but still).

When Pure Vanilla had awakened and given his offer for friendship, you stood beside him with the same promise, knowing exactly what Pure Vanilla saw in him: a cookie who craves love, a cookie who wants to be understood. He initially looked like he was considering it, making you hopeful. It was sad to see how his walls went back up only a moment later, and you were worried about how weakened he seemed when he escaped before the spire could collapse. It was only when you’d arrived safely home to your cottage on the edge of the Vanilla Kingdom that Shadow Milk appeared, floating over and clinging to you like you were the only thing holding him together.

Since then, he’d been living (relatively) peacefully with you. He had made a few… improvements to your cottage like making it bigger on the inside than the outside and adding various chaotic features from the spire or features he thought were entertaining, but he never seemed to force them. If he thinks you didn’t like a particular feature, it’ll be gone whenever you aren’t looking and never mentioned again. The only time he’d consider bringing those things back is if you mention it like you want it back and by then he’d probably have it back in an instant. But despite his attempts to be subtle about how he values your permission to do all of this, his minions, who had also come to live with you, sometimes comment on it and were the ones to make you realize that Shadow Milk is willing to do practically whatever you want. So, with at least a bit more hope, you asked him the question again, and to your shock, he agreed to work towards redemption if it ment he could stay with you.

Now we get to the fun part: what a redeemed/being redeemed Shadow Milk would look like!

With a redeemed Shadow Milk, I’d assume he’d take on a less intense personality. This Shadow Milk would never truly mellow out into the Fount of Knowledge or become like the Sage of Truth because he’d never truly give away the comfort that lies and being a “self-obsessed piece of shit” brings to him, but he would definitely learn to calm down slightly with his theatrics. Now, you can’t expect him to stop being theatrical, but he will stop putting more violent measures into his scripts when you tell him to. It’s a relief that he’s started to listen to your feedback on his work and the fact that he’s not trying to hurt cookies as much anymore is something that convinced all the ancients to let you continue on with your help (though Pure Vanilla could already tell you were helping prior to this and always wanted you to stay with him). But despite that, you are still not allowed in any Kingdom without supervision due to the worries that Shadow Milk would follow you and do something disastrous in order to bring you back to your cottage. And, to be fair, this isn’t unreasonable since he’s still not very trustworthy in most cookies eyes(for good reason) and has done that before while you at the Vanilla Kingdom’s marketplace.

Now, being so untrustworthy isn’t a change for Shadow Milk, but it ends up making him feel pretty isolated now that he’s trying not to lie to himself about how his “friends” feel about him and how lonely he is even with the company of his minions. However, since you were the one to begin truly redeeming him and saw good in him even when he was admittedly a bit of an asshole, he feels safe around you. You are someone that he wants to stay, and if you weren’t there to hold him together during particularly bad moments, he probably would’ve gone mad. He gets admittedly a little scared when you leave the cottage for long periods of time, and he’ll sometimes pester you into letting him come with on long errands or visits to your friends as an animal form like a snake or bluebird. In fact, the time you first mentioned how you were redeeming Shadow Milk was in a meeting where he’d gently wrapped himself around your neck as a snake, silently glaring at Pure Vanilla to the point where you felt his identity behind the disguise was obvious.

And now that I brought it up, some things will never change about him. For example, he still doesn’t exactly like Pure Vanilla or most things that remind him of the healer because of how he tricked him. In his words, “That fool went off-script and ruined my plans, I should have gotten my souljam and cast him aside!” So you are still working on desensitizing him to Pure Vanilla, how fun. But anyways, he’s actually gotten on a friendly level with the Gingerbrave gang and he has even started to get along with his least favorite, Custard Cookie, and it’s clear he sees the small king as more than an extension of Pure Vanilla now. It’s great to see him not exactly despise the kids now despite his insistence on staying true to his thoughts on Pure Vanilla.

And, additionally, another thing that stuck with him was his unusual quirks he gave his place of residence. Shadow Milk still makes the part of your cottage he inhabits have at least a little pizzazz such as floating objects, hallways that are longer than they look on the outside of the building, and a theme of eye related decor which you’re pretty sure he can see out of. You don’t mind most of his little touches to the cottage. In fact, you find it quite cute to see him make himself at home with little touches of himself, and you’ve gotten used to looking out for little rabbit minions roaming the halls doing little tasks. Also, his minions, now preferring the names Sweet Apple and Simmering Sapphire, both still live alongside Shadow Milk and have been surprisingly accepting of all of the new adjustments. It feels like you’re building a whole family.

But despite all of the positives, Shadow Milk is still adjusting and isn’t perfect. He messes up every once in a while and can lash out at times. What really matters though is how you realize that those moments don’t define all of his efforts as a whole. You understand that being good doesn’t immediately erase all bad thoughts. Even truly good cookies can be tempted by what they perceive as the “easier path” or act out when they’re stressed. Redemption is a process and it is better to help Shadow Milk correct those mistakes than to make a big deal of out something that doesn’t show who he is.

All in all, you do try your best to help Shadow Milk because you care. You want him to be better not to be known as the “beast tamer” or to hold power over him but to instead help him feel safe and secure. You hope that one day, he’ll be able to surround himself with cookies that would do their best to understand and respect him.

I have gained an obsession with this idea and will be responding to asks about it & possibly making quite a few more posts about it soon (maybe even another one today!) so if you liked this, stay tuned :D

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Trigger warnings: Obsessive/possessive behavior, forced relationships, torture(mentioned), mind break, whump-like elements, and yandere reader

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Also

If you write 3 sentences on your work in progress and show me, then I will write 4 sentences on my work in progress and show you!

Firstly, THE CREATOR OF NYAN CAT HAS A TUMBLR ACCOUNT?!?! (I had no idea honestly, I only recently started using tumblr more frequently and haven’t looked at much about nyan cat other than some cool fanart, so I will now be searching!!)

Secondly, I would love to see your work in progress so here’s a few sentences from a recent draft:

Shadow Milk Cookie has been complaining for every single second since his defeat against Pure Vanilla, and unfortunately for you, you get to be around to experience it as one of his minions. Seriously, you thought Candy Apple Cookie’s obsession with your master was a bit much, but with Shadow Milk raving about how annoying Pure Vanilla Cookie was, you realize that you used to have it good.

However your job was never easy. You had to deal with very real and very prominent issues that often led you to the Fount for help. Only by combining the Fount’s knowledge with your unwavering compassion and hope to improve the lives of those who suffer would lead towards the solutions that were needed, and lead to many great inventions they did! There is an almost unending list of things you created together, and with the Fount’s influence, they have been spread across all of Earthbread to anywhere and everywhere you both could reach.

It was quite remarkable to see that some inventions—like braille for example—were so impactful. You really were so happy to help cookies with your ideas, and the Fount began to feel more like a friend after all of your visits to him. You could speak freely with him, and you were incredibly grateful that he would make time in his day to help you innovate new ways to care for cookies. But sadly, all good things must come to an end.

The weight of everyone’s problems began to weigh down on you over time. You began to feel less and less appreciated, and many of the cookies you tried to give any accommodations were cheated out of their supplies. Some people were ignoring any attempts at assistance whilst more and more people started to abuse your compassion and began to use your gifts as ways to get money. It was horrible how selfish the Cookies became. Every single time you were to try to show any compassion, it would be immediately forgotten once some new cookie came around to sell your inventions at triple the actual cost. Your discoveries began to feel meaningless.

Eventually, you realized that you’d finally lost all of your love for cookie-kind, and you locked yourself away in your kingdom for a month, not wanting to face the fact that you no longer feel the compassion that should’ve been baked into your dough. You were growing mad, and a visit from the Fount—now Shadow Milk after some recent events—made you convinced to join him.

The two of you recked havoc together, getting even closer as your compassion turned to cruelty and his truth to deceit. It didn’t take long you to play along, being the evil villain in any of his shows and sometimes even taking part in the rumors he spread around the continent because it’s so easy to ruin someone’s entire existence with just one pretty little lie. All it took was you and your little jester, and that was just how you wanted it to be.

— — — — —

At first, Shadow Milk pays no mind to you and your flower shop. Your bright smile and selflessness reminds him of Pure Vanilla enough for him to almost always avoid going near your shop. In fact, the first time you properly met him, or technically this disguise, was in an incident where he was trying to lead the cookie following him out of sight so that he could give them a piece of his mind without ruining this disguise. However, before he could do that, you’d stepped in.

You went up to the cookie stalking him and surprised Shadow Milk with being able to stand up for him. You had caused a wave of silence in the crowd as a few cookies were surprised to hear you of all cookies threatening to reveal that cookie’s secrets if they don’t leave this poor lady alone.

It was quite amusing to him. He had never thought of you to be the type to collect blackmail after all!

Now, with that cookie effectively scared away, the crowd would slowly go back to normal as a few cookies seemingly leave to report that cookie’s behavior to authorities. Once you recompose yourself, you turn to as if he’s alright and he gladly takes this opportunity to ask you about what you meant by revealing the other’s secrets.

With that question, he learns that you have some blackmail on almost everybody since nobody expects the local florist to remember all of the things they say about their partners, friends, or family while looking for the perfect flowers. That is what always drags him back to your shop. To talk about the rumors going around and seeing if anything’s true. You always insist that you shouldn’t talk about that as it’s rude, but when he talks about how much he wants to know you fold. Pretty women have always had a lot of power over you.

Later on, he might start to explicitly say things that are more unusual. You’ll hear him talking about himself in ways that sound over theatrical and sometimes a bit too prideful to be the elegant woman that Shadow Milk’s disguised as. It’ll rub you the wrong way, but it’s just a regular cookie you’re talking to. There’s no way that beast Pure Vanilla faced is talking to you… right?

It’ll be a long time before Shadow Milk would choose to reveal himself to you. He needs to know that you wouldn’t be scared off. He actually quite likes your company and wants to make you one of his minions so that you won’t ever leave him behind. But since Pure Vanilla does still come out into the Kingdom a lot to see everyone, he was bound to notice Shadow Milk’s eventually.

With Shadow Milk knowing his gig was up, he decided to pay one last visit to the kingdom to wreck havoc.

— — — — —

“Well lookie, lookie, it’s my favorite cookie,” Shadow Milk’s says, his smile wide enough to unnerve you even more than his words.

“You beast,” you spat, “I don’t even know you, stay back!”

“Aw,” he sighs as he shifts back into his Lady in Azure disguise, feigning being offended, “I thought you liked me! Or, at least this version of me!~”

“Wait… you—”

“Yes, I was your little friend,” he smiles cruelly, “you’re oh so easy to fool!~”

— — — — —

Just like before, you’d be like an assistant to the Fount, helping him with all kinds of things that he’s far too busy to do. However, this universe is slightly different with the fact that you actually succeed in keeping him sane enough to not fall to deceit. And with the burden of being one of the only things—if not the only thing—to keep him together, you get to experience the “wonders” of immortality that he granted you.

Now, when Shadow Milk sees you, he obviously wants to drag you with him! It’s such a rarity to see or hear about you alive, and he doesn’t want to miss out on a chance to be with his precious assistant, but he knows that doing anything against this unstable Fount might not be the best. He’s have the determination to hunt you down and attempt killing him in the process, so he does have to plan.