#writing draft

I just finished writing a blog-post (trying substack out) and I know that it needs some changes but everytime I re-read it I don't know where to start and/or where to put the change

In reality, it was his fault. It always was, and it always will be.

But, Ralph said he knew anyways. "I know," he replied back, with a certain cadence, that, while trying to cover up how unconvinced he was, still tried to sound like he agreed.

Unfortunately, his father could somehow see right through him, "It's not your fault," He spoke again, pathetically pushing it right against his face. Like she did with him.

"I know," Ralph said once more. How many times was he going to have to convince him?

"No. You don't," His father countered. With such a loud and stern voice, one he had never heard come out of him before. "It wasn't your fault."

… Was it not his fault? Sure, it wasn't like he exactly wanted it to happen. But, Ralph thought it would of happened no matter what, really. Sometimes, people are born and are meant to be used, it's just nature. And Ralph happend to be one of those people. Did it matter to go against that very nature?

"Alright…" He grimaced, making an effort to sound like he agreed. But, it didn't matter. Because somehow, parents always read their children in ways that they themselves didn't even know of.

He could see his father's eye's well up, on the verge of weeping. While his face stayed the same; barely unreadable and emotionless.

Ralph's brain kept repeating countlessly about comforting his father, but, he couldn't move a single muscle. Couldn't move his arms to wrap themselves around the man who raised him. He wanted to, he really did. But he could not bring himself to.

-

"Why do you think it was your fault?" The therapist asked, while they stared with great intensity, waiting for him to have some kind of answer.

But, Ralph knew there was none. At least, not any good one. And maybe that was the point. Whatever he said, they would counter it. "I don't see why it matters…" He mumbled, closing in himself whist looking away.

He thought back to the moment his parents found out. How they were crying over what happend. Well, his father was trying his hardest to hold it in, but, his mother… She sobbed. She kept a tight hold of him, as she cried in his shoulder.

I've dreamed up and been making snail progress on a Jeanmarco AU for over a year now. I'm not a great writer, so while I am drafting in fic-form the whole story I have planned, my ideas can be conveyed in the most clear and controlled way to an audience by just drawing what I see in my head. I've been craving sketching out some of my favorite scenes from it, however I've been in a crazy art block rut the past week with Finals draining me, so I built my plan for Jean and Marco's respective houses in a 3D modeler.

This will help me significantly, because while drawing in point-perspective within a closed space is easy, the zooming in, adding dynamic bodies, filling with consistent and accurate furniture, etc., is too much for me when I already have art block and it becomes a chore. Since I've finished the houses, I've managed to find perfect positioning for how I've envisioned scenes and cranked out several sketches in about 30 minutes each(AKA lighting fast by my terms). I am simply over the moon to now have 2 fully malleable and furnished 3D models to be used as references when drawing that are completely unique to my story.

I feel a little nervous posting about this, honestly, because I know myself to lose motivation for something instantly once I tell anyone about it. Not sure why(probably ADHD) but once my actions are given life through spoken words, they feel like an expectation or a task already completed, so I hope my pure love for my baby that is this AU will keep that from happening now that I have done this very dreaded deed.

To try and trick my brain into thinking it's still a secret and let me stay motivated to do it, I won't say anything to what the story is about past the fact that it will maybe someday exist. Well actually, remember when I said that I only had a small bit written in my Notes app(it was like 3 paragraphs ago, we were so young then)? Actually, in January I converted said grown-to-be-fairly-huge note in my phone into a Google doc that is now a very bony outline with just a couple of my favorite scenes drafted, and it is *juuuuust* short of 20K words right now. It's teeny tiny. Just a newborn. It gets like 2 hours of attention once per month because the pictures stay in my brain and don't turn into words well.

Anyways, now that you know about my child, I have to kill you.

Kidding! I'll post some of the sketches I've done today later tonight. Do not expect them to many any sense lol! P.S. I love anyone that has read this whole thing, say meow if you did.

Q's or advice pls maybe...?

yeah what your gonna read is an old book/novel idea i had but now since I wanna do comics i might reworkd this idea into one (also i am currently writing one atm) and yeah this is a pretty old little idea i have and if i get more confident in my comic making abilities ima rework this one so i guess feel free to enjoy it.

title:root origin

In the days of old, there were tales that frightened our ancestors. Tales of beasts that seemed nigh indestructible, men whose hearts continued to beat despite being slain, entities that both nature and man feared. Despite all this, the creatures themselves did not cause most of the fear in the hearts of brave men. Still, it was the origin of these said tales: the thought of losing your humanity, the idea of suffering such horrible fates, and notions of encountering such things that were once normal, including animals, plants, and, most importantly, your fellow humans. Back then there was no explanation of how these people created and encountered these mistakes of their gods, hell that was what they could only think created such things and events however as humanity advanced their fear turned into curiosity on how these things could exist, why do they exist, and if we can possibly put them to a stop them. The advancements of science and technology has led to fascinating discoveries on their biology: what makes them think, their weaknesses, as well as their origin, and it came in the form of this singular flower called “monocain”, which caused the world's brightest minds to be stumped on how this flower has such properties that has not only been the origins of these creatures but it how it can be molded to give people extraordinary powers.

Firstly, Monocain is nothing more than an odorless and colorless flower that can seemingly grow in any soil from the hottest parts of Africa to the coldest times of Canada, as well as being able to asexually reproduce birthing three extra flowers every six days from it’s roots, If it is consumed normally (via eating or drinking), it has no taste, no nutritional value, and no initial consequences. However, continued consumption of the flower causes people to gain an addiction, usually only after four days; furthermore, continued consumption has led to mutations on the human body over time, as people who continue to consume it. Physically, People who continued to consume monocain regularly for six weeks and thirteen days began having their fingers and toes melting off and being replaced by bone growth that resembled sharp claws growing in a vine-like pattern reaching the knees and elbows, teeth falling out and being replaced by sharp teeth comparable to those of a shark, and their eyes seemingly swapping colors from their iris and sclera. Mentally, however, has led to more concerning outcomes with people becoming antisocial, a gradual loss of their empathy, mood swings that cause gradual periods of stagnant activity with random bursts of violence, and the final stages change the person entirely, making them succumb to their darkest urges, urges that some have pinted out represent the seven deadly sins. However, these horrific mutations have a more stunning cure, where if somebody is able to lose access to monocain, their mutations will gradually go away, with the physical mutations going away much faster than the mental ones. Survivors who were able to quit before the final thirteenth day have described how the taste remains constant and it never changes, yet they also describe how there was a “force” that made them desire the flower. This “force” is described differently from patient to patient, with some saying it was visual illusions of advertisements for the flower on buildings, people consuming the plant in fictional advertising stunts and commercials on the projectoramors. These auditory illusions are also advertisements often heard on commercial breaks, and in some auditory cases, it is a voice whispering in their ear. Furthermore, the patients who were more into the mutation cycle have described how the illusions have become more constant and aggressive to the point that there was an advertisement everywhere they saw, and “people” threatening them if they don't take it. Although the plant was banned from legal public access in 1766, there were some cases of how people were able to gain access to monocain, and although it was only thought that the only changes of the body came from consuming the flower itself, there were cases of how mixing the flower with other chemicals gave people extraordinary powers only at the cost of themselves.

The first main incident of Monocain being used with other chemicals was with Victor Von Frankenstein and his experiment to bring back the dead in 1818, where all the evidence that was left after passing was in an abandoned castle with empty vials of a liquid that can only be assumed to have had Monocain since he also had a miniature garden growing said plants. The experiment, mr Frankenstein conducted, was (as stated before)  to bring back the dead; however, unlike the mysteries of history before, this attempt did NOT make the dead crave the flesh of the living, and in fact, it brought a “human” to life with not only human intelligence but intelligence that could rival thoses of the brightest scientists of today with the “human” figuring out how to speak withing a month of it’s life moreover the “human” also exhibited incredible strength being able to kill a grown brown bear, once the “human” was captured from an antarctica exhibition led by Robert Walton, in the same expedition Walton’s crew found Mr frankenstein attempting to find the “human” and would recall an unfortunate tale of his hubris causing great pain to the people he loved,  unfortunately Frankenstein would perish in the middle of the exhibition with the “human” being discovered after wailing for it’s creator’s death  joining mr walton after he showed it basic kindness and a promise of a new life aswell as mr walton relizing from mr. Frankenstein’s tale, that the “human” was scared and confused. During the trip, Mr.Walton noted how, despite the “human looking dead and decrepit, he remained youthful, with the “human” revealing to Mr. Walton that he was made from the bodies of the dead. This has been dubbed the “Frankenstein incident,” with there being a confirmed six fatalities, all of whom came from the “human” and all from Mr. Frankenstein’s family, and two people who were close to his family, a maid and a friend.

The second main incident would happen sixty-eight years after the Frankenstein incident. In that time frame, Monocain was legalized in 1879, only for the scientific community and only for experiments to test if it has further reactions on the human body or if it has other uses like fuel for our machines. One of these researchers was Dr. Henry Jekyll where he would use a “salt” that he found in a back alley, which, when he researched the substance, had traces of monocain in it, he would later experiment with the substance back at home and was able to create a potion that when ingested would make the person transform into a grotesque thing that resembled a human but would exhibit unnatural strength, speed, agility, and endurance who Jekyll referred to as mr. Hyde, however, Hyde wasn't a disguise Jekyll could put on via ingesting his new formula; it was its own person, a person who lived a life of debauchery and did not value any and all life. Jekyll would write down his experience as Hyde, explaining how, despite him being able to see everything as Hyde, he couldn't stop it with Hyde being able to take control without needing the formula. As the days went on, he would try and recreate the formula to revert back to himself and remove Hyde for good. Unfortunately, on January 5th, 1887, Jekyll would commit suicide to ensure Hyde would not get out anymore. The aftermath of this incident led to Jekyll’s journal being anonymously confiscated and turned into a book titled “The Demon Inside” although utmost people saw it as a well written piece of fiction it has led to the public learning more about monocain and in turn being more curious about it addittionaly more there has been more reports on sightings of individuals who resembled mr. Hyde. This is referred to as the “Hyde incident,”  with there being three being three confirmed fatalities: two from Mr. Hyde and one from Dr.Jekyll.