Tried to tip a tumblr blog at 1am and it was such a suspicious transaction it immediately put a full fraud freeze on my account
Fortunately, banks no longer just ask 'did you make that transaction' they want to make sure you weren't scammed into making that transaction and 5mins after their call will give away all your money anyway.
This is an honest to goodness life saving movement and I cannot be happier banks are adopting it
Unfortunately, it meant I had to have the most embarrassing financial call of my life
-
Me: Ah yeah I was just trying to tip a tumblr blog
Cash: right and were you directed there by a Facebook link? An Instagram advert?
Me: no I was just on tumblr...on purpose
-
Caah: and this person asked you for money?
Me: oh no they just had a funny story, which happened to be about money and I thought, "wouldn't it be funny if I tipped them"
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Me: * covering a reblog by reblog update on the adventures my mutual was having *
Cash: okay I don't think that can actually happen though..
Me: It might not have, but i was happy to tip them just because it was funny
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Cash: and how well do you think you know this person?
Me: *considers explaining how much I know about a beloved mutual without ever knowing their name or face* ... I have no idea who this person is
I think in the end Cash decided there was no saving me from myself
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The first firework exploded so far away it barely registered as anything more than a dull thud echoing through the night air.
Robert blinked quickly. His fingers froze halfway through throwing Beef's toy, and his shoulders tensed almost imperceptibly before he forced them to relax again.
It was probably just someone setting one off early, he told himself. It happened every year. People could be impatient.
He threw the toy anyway.
Another muffled boom echoed through the neighborhood at the exact same moment.
Beef immediately abandoned the toy and darted beneath the coffee table, trembling so violently that the little bone-shaped tag on his collar jingled nonstop.
"There you are," Robert murmured as he knelt beside the table. "Hey... it's okay. Come here."
The Chihuahua didn't budge.
As Robert lowered himself onto the hardwood floor, stretching out on his stomach so he could reach underneath the table, he heard the front door unlock and open.
Flambae was home.
Robert let out a small breath of relief. He reached one arm beneath the coffee table until Beef finally crawled into his hands. The little dog's heart pounded so hard against his palms it almost hurt.
"I know," Robert whispered, more to himself than to Beef as he cradled the Chihuahua against his chest. "I don't like it either. But it's just tonight. I promise."
"I brought snacks," Flambae announced cheerfully as he walked in, grinning while holding up two stuffed grocery bags for his boyfriend to see.
The moment his eyes landed on Robert's exhausted, tense expression, though, his smile softened.
"...Hey."
He set the bags down on the kitchen counter and hurried over to them.
Robert managed a small smile as he stroked Beef's head.
"Hey."
Without another word, Flambae wrapped both of them in a hug.
His strong arms settled carefully around Robert — and, by extension, the trembling Chihuahua curled in Robert's lap — offering silent reassurance to them both.
Robert exhaled, letting some of the tension leave his body with the breath.
Not just because — well, obviously — having his boyfriend here made everything feel a little easier.
But also because he realized he'd been holding his breath for... who even knew how long.
No more than half an hour later, Robert's usually sparse living room had slowly transformed into a cozy little bunker.
The curtains stayed open, allowing soft flashes of red, white, and blue in the distance to drift across the walls and floor, but every window was shut tight. The balcony door was closed as well.
On the side table beside the couch sat a small Bluetooth speaker Flambae had brought over, quietly playing an old playlist of songs Robert loved. The overhead lights remained off, replaced by the green table lamp Flambae had given him months ago, filling the room with a warm amber glow.
Curled up on a thick rug in front of the couch, Robert sat with Beef resting comfortably in his lap. With one hand, he reached for another slice of pizza from the open box on the floor while using the other to keep the stretchy cheese just out of reach of Beef's watchful nose.
"I brought wraps," Flambae said while digging through one of the bags he'd left on the couch. "And some calming treats for him. Oh—and..."
He peeked into the second bag.
"...one, two, three different kinds of snacks because I wasn't sure which ones you’d like."
"The pizza's already more than enough," Robert replied around a mouthful of food. "You really didn't have to do all this, you know."
"Tch," Flambae clicked his tongue dismissively before pointing at Beef. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it so I can spend more time with Beef."
Robert smiled to himself.
As if accepting the explanation, Beef simply rested his chin on Robert's thigh.
Flambae gathered the rest of the things from the bags before settling onto the rug between Robert, the bowls of chips, and the unopened cans of soda.
Without thinking, Robert scooted a little closer with Beef still in his lap.
The two of them sat cross-legged on the thick cream-colored rug Flambae had given him months earlier after noticing Robert always preferred sitting on the floor whenever they watched movies together.
It had taken Robert a long time to realize just how often he unconsciously found himself returning to that rug whenever he felt overwhelmed.
Now it simply felt like another layer of safety.
Robert was absentmindedly combing his fingers through the rug's soft fibers, when Flambae gently lifted Beef off his lap, finally catching his attention back.
"You okay?" Flambae asked, glancing sideways at him as he carefully got to work with Beef.
A wide elastic wrap settled snugly around the Chihuahua's chest without restricting his movement, applying a steady, comforting pressure. Flambae's fingers moved with remarkable patience as he adjusted it.
Robert nodded before asking, "When did you learn how to do that?"
Flambae smiled without looking up. He finished wrapping the band around Beef and tied it off—firm enough to stay in place, but never too tight.
"About five minutes before I came over."
Robert let out a quiet laugh.
He watched Beef's tiny eyelids slowly begin to droop as Flambae gently scratched behind his ears before fitting a pair of soft canine ear covers over them as well.
For a little while, a comfortable silence settled between them, broken only by Robert's playlist humming softly in the background. Then—
BOOM.
A distant explosion rolled across the night.
No. Not that distant.
That one had sounded much closer.
This time, Beef barely reacted.
Robert wished he could say the same.
His heart lurched painfully inside his chest.
Before he even realized it, every muscle in his body had tightened again. His breathing caught, then returned in short, shallow breaths that made his chest ache. Something heavy began building beneath his ribs, squeezing tighter with every distant explosion echoing through the neighborhood.
They'd started.
For real this time.
Another boom. Another firework exploding overhead.
Flambae moved so quickly Robert barely registered it. He shoved aside whatever was still between them and gently cupped Robert's face in both hands.
"I'm here, okay?" he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Robert's forehead. "I've got you, baby."
Robert blinked, still looking slightly dazed, before giving a small nod.
His shoulders remained painfully tense.
"Could you..." His voice came out barely above a whisper. "...hold me?"
Flambae didn't hesitate. He shifted behind Robert on the rug and wrapped both arms securely around his boyfriend's torso, holding him firmly but gently.
"Tell me if this ever starts feeling like too much, okay?"
Robert nodded again.
But they both knew he wasn't going to ask Flambae to let go.
Having his boyfriend there was the only thing keeping him anchored to the present instead of slipping into the terrifying certainty trying to convince him that every relentless explosion outside meant danger — that something terrible was about to happen.
The explosions kept coming. One after another.
Unfortunately, the city's fireworks display was being held only a few blocks away from Robert's apartment complex. Every blast could be heard clearly, and every burst of color reflected through the glass balcony door.
Red. White. Blue.
Each flash painted the inside of the apartment before fading just as quickly.
Within Flambae's embrace, Robert trembled.
His chest ached with every shallow breath. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to put some distance between himself and the noise outside.
It didn't really help.
The flashes still painted the darkness through his eyelids.
After a while, they stopped looking like fireworks. They became something else.
Warning lights flashing across the control panel of his mech suit.
Alarms.
Foreign device detected.
Temperature rising.
Altitude dropping.
System failure.
Failure.
Failure.
Failure.
The suit's system voice repeated the same warning over and over as gravity itself seemed to disappear.
Metal creaked before panels tore free and disappeared into open air.
Thick black smoke swallowed the sky as he fell.
Fell—
—and the ground kept getting closer.
Another explosion. Closer. Louder.
"Bob?" A warm hand brushed gently against his cheek. "Babe?"
Another blast thundered outside.
Robert jerked violently in Flambae's arms before slowly shaking his head, trying to force himself back into the room.
"...Sorry," he whispered, curling in on himself even more.
"Don't apologize." Flambae's voice was gentle, but firm.
Both of his hands rubbed slow, reassuring circles over Robert's waist.
"It's stupid..." Robert muttered.
He shifted just enough to scoop Beef back into his lap, instinctively wrapping both arms around the little dog the same way Flambae was holding him.
"They’re loud, sudden noises," Flambae said quietly, resting his chin on Robert's shoulder. "It makes perfect sense that your body's scared."
His voice softened even further.
"You don't have to act like it's nothing." A small pause. "...Not with me."
Robert hummed weakly in acknowledgment. His body didn't.
His pulse raced so fast he couldn't separate one heartbeat from the next.
A quiet whine escaped him. Almost instinctively, he folded forward, shielding both his head and Beef with his body.
Sensing his owner's distress, Beef answered with a few gentle licks against Robert's cheek.
Flambae adjusted with him.
Without ever letting go, he leaned over Robert's back as much as he could, shielding him with his own body. One hand settled between Robert's shoulder blades. The other rested firmly against his chest.
No restraint. Just grounding.
"You're here, Bob," Flambae murmured. "You're home. I'm taking care of you."
He rested his forehead lightly against Robert's shoulder.
His heart was breaking.
He wished there were more he could do.
Another explosion echoed outside.
Robert flinched so hard his entire body jolted.
Carefully, Flambae lifted both hands and gently covered Robert's ears. It wasn't enough to block the noise completely, but it softened the more distant booms.
Then Flambae started talking.
About absolutely anything. About nothing at all. Whatever came to mind.
Every word became another layer between Robert and the fireworks, and that was all that mattered.
"Remember when Beef stole my burger?" he asked with a faint smile.
Something escaped Robert that landed somewhere between a sob and a laugh.
They stayed like that for several more minutes.
Little by little, the fireworks seemed to be winding down. The explosions grew farther apart, each silence lasting a little longer than the last.
Eventually, Robert let himself lean back again.
Ironically, Beef stretched with a sleepy little grunt, looking completely unbothered by the noise that had terrified him earlier.
Taking advantage of the moment, Flambae tightened his embrace just enough for Robert to feel another heartbeat besides his own.
A slow and steady one.
His hand found Robert's trembling fingers. "Can you feel my hand?"
Robert couldn't answer yet.
Flambae laced their fingers together anyway. "There you go."
He gave Robert's hand a gentle squeeze. "This is real."
Robert's breathing still wavered between shaky gasps and uneven breaths, but after a long moment, he managed a small nod.
Slowly, he turned his head just enough to look at Flambae.
Instead of words, he was greeted by another kiss, this time against his temple.
"I love you," Robert whispered, his voice rough, the words catching in his throat.
Flambae rested his forehead against Robert's and smiled.
"Yeah..." he murmured. "Guess I could say the same…”
Beef chose that exact moment to press himself insistently against Robert's stomach, demanding attention.
Robert stared at him for a second before lowering one still-shaky hand to stroke his back.
Soft fur. Warm. Real.
Beef answered with a single lick to Robert's wrist before climbing higher, practically scrambling onto his chest to shower his face with more kisses.
For the first time in what felt like forever, Robert managed a full, deep breath. A small smile tugged at his lips.
Outside, the neighborhood had finally gone quiet.
The fireworks were over. He wasn't being blown apart. He wasn't falling. He was home.
And the two steady heartbeats beside him were enough to remind his own that, at last, it was safe to let its guard down.
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As a Greek, in response to the current controversy about Matt Damon being cast as Odysseus, I'd just like to share that one of the moments that changed my brain chemistry as a kid was reading a novelized version of the Odyssey and coming across the following description of Odysseus when Circe sees him for the first time and thinks he's hot: "his hair curled like a clematis and his eyes were very brown".
So may I present my own casting choice for Odysseus:
"if i had a time machine i would go back in time and kill hitler"
I would put sea mines around medieval britain. i would give hannibal barca ww2 era heavy artillery and tell him not to stop till he starts seeing gauls. i would give boudica a fucking abrams. i would appear before jesus like an angel and tell him "you gotta stop. not cause theyll kill you, youre fine with that, surprisingly, but because your fanclub is gonna spend about 1500 years making everything worse for everyone, everywhere." I would take a glock back in time and shoot romulus, shoot remus, and shoot that damn dog too just to be safe. i would be on the side of christopher columbus' ship in a scuba suit planting c4 on that bitch like rainbow six siege. i would be waging a one woman campaign of terror across andalusia to prevent the reconquista. i would be getting way out in front of that shit is what im saying,
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anyone else get sick and fucking tired of making decisions. sometimes i just want to go pliant and pouty and be arranged and petted at. "puppy in a bad mood?" yes actually. "puppy want me to handle it?" yes, actually!
Its weird how you get more disabled over time. Like, most people i know with a disability actually have like eight disabilities and a lot of them slowed up later as a result of compensating for the earlier ones. This brought to you by me filling out a demographics form and wondering when i got to the point of checking that many damn boxes
“You get used to it” true but misleading because someday your back problems are gonna inexplicably cause stomach problems. And then you get used to the stomach problems but your thumbs start hurting because you had to do so much work on your phone lying in weird positions while waiting for the stomach problems to go away. And there are way more distractions on your phone too so while you always had adhd this just makes it more annoying/prevalent-
Anyway hi disabled people with one million conditions i love you and i hope youre having a good day with minimal pain/inconvenience
and the more disabilities you have, the less likely people are to believe you, the less likely people are to allow you access to accommodation, the less likely doctors are to take you serious
i commend your body to the stars
[ get it as a print here! ]
[ID: A Project Hail Mary illustration. The artwork consists of a 5x7 grid, with smaller illustrations inside the squares. The smaller illustrations include: the xenonite Tau Ceti system; the Hail Mary drawn across three blocks; Grace’s bicycle helmet; Adrian’s green auroras; the Blip-C capsule; the crocheted Earth; the small xenonite figure; Rocky drawn across three blocks; the Petrova Line; the rainbow from Grace’s blanket; the shoreline on Erid; the Taumoeba collector; the green Skittles pack; and Astrophage as seen through a microscope. The squares differ in background colors. There are “empty” squares that reveal Grace on a red-orange background from beneath the small illustrations, only his side profile visible. He’s smiling softly. The overall artwork has an off-white background. The text above the grid reads “PROJECT HAIL MARY” and the text below it reads “LIFE IS REASON.” There are stars at each corner of the artwork. END ID]
i appreciate asexual perverts but they get enough attention tbh. shoutout my asexuals with no hoes boring as hell no kinks no dirty magazines no riske drawings just completely winning the idgaf war
Guy makes a really stupid decision and gets in a car accident -> no real damage from accident but insurance goes up -> starts beating himself up over his stupid decision -> gets depressed -> starts to realize he's single and had crash been worse he'd die alone -> realizes he's never had a relationship or even a crush and starts wondering what he'd want out of a relationship -> starts to realize he doesn't really like girls so he thinks he must be gay -> realizes he likes girls and boys about the same amount, so he must be bi -> later realizes that "same amount" is none at all -> he's ace
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