Welcome To The Abyss

tumblr: “sowwy, we didn’t find anyfing wike that :(((((”

me:

So if I encounter any ICE agents in my neighborhood, I will smile and waive and as soon as they make eye contact I will engage in the most aggressively friendly chitchat ever witnessed on my block.

I will ramble on and on about whatever pops into my head. I will ask them about their day, their hobbies, their home life, and their personal backstory until I find a common area of interest, and then I will crank my smalltalk game UP TO ELEVEN.

I will force them to look awkwardly at their wristwatch DOZENS of times without taking the hint. I will ask seemingly simple questions that do not have ANY simple answers. I will pretend to wrap up the conversation with, “Anyway…” and then segue DIRECTLY into another topic.

Because every minute an ICE agent wastes chatting with me is a minute that they’re not targeting my neighbors and disrupting their lives.

Get a copy of the song, Cotton Eye Joe. Carry around a big, loud speaker. If you ever see ICE show up in your neighborhood, start playing it at full blast. 

Best case scenario? You can motion for them to come over your way and challenge them to a dance off. (Probably not likely, but it never hurts to dream.) 

Worst case scenario? They think you’re weird and like Cotton Eye Joe. 

Likely scenario? If you’ve let your neighbors know ahead of time that hearing Cotton Eye Joe means ICE is in the neighborhood, it may give them the head start they need to avoid harassment. 

Now you might be thinking that picking Cotton Eye Joe is a really random choice, but consider the following reasoning: 

The song has a very loud, clear, and distinctive opening, so it gets the message across right away without spending time on any kind of intro 

The song was once popular enough that people can easily recognize it 

While the song is catchy, it’s not very likely to be anyone’s favorite, so you don’t have to worry about ruining it for them 

The opening line ‘Fit’adn’t is nonsensical enough to be used as a secret tipoff if you’re unsure who’s listening 

It’s upbeat enough that it likely won’t get on your nerves too fast 

When played really loud, it becomes nearly impossible to talk over 

Would this actually work? Honestly, I have no idea. I’m no expert in active resistance. But I figure it’s worth putting out there. And who knows, maybe it could catch on. 

Stay safe everybody.