Light and Love

Listening. Feeling.

I hear the footsteps outside my door.

Pounding. Pacing back and forth.

Waiting for the sound of the front door opening.

Closing shortly after to bring an end to something that was once magical.

My heart stops and so does my life. Please don't go. But it's too late... she's gone.

It's a constant battle walking on egg shells hoping you don't do something to cause the other to spiral. The struggle to maintain a perfect image to not show that inside is a battle raging on unable to be released for fear it will drive the other deeper into sorrow....

How do help without losing yourself? Or the one you love.

I really don’t think he’s dead like the media or North Port Police are trying to get us to believe. Why do I believe this? Brian has been a step ahead of the police and media since day one. He’s had multiple fake accounts where he has responded to people commenting on certain posts about him. (Roberta did have multiple accounts pretending to be Brian as well, yes I know)

But the real reason why I don’t think he’s dead? Just read on if you want to know my opinions.

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August 27th. Stan Anderson is an old business partner of Chris Laundrie who happens to have a home in Mexico which is also where there has been sightings of “Brian Laundrie” which there was a text sent to Gabby Petito’s mom asking "Can you help Stan, I just keep getting his voicemails and missed calls,"  There is speculation that Brian was the one who sent this text and he accidentally sent it to Gabby’s mom. OR it could be Gabby’s Grandpa whom she never calls Stan but it was a cry for help STAN = Send The Authorities Now.

Oct 6th there was a sighting of Chris and Brian at a gas station in Mississippi. When they noticed they were being watched by a woman who was recording them (on TikTok) the young male (Brian) dashed into the front seat, and a white older male (Chris) comes from the passenger side to resume pumping gas. Same tattoo on his left arm like Chris (father) the whole time Brian was looking over the dashboard hunkered down watching the woman watch them, they quickly left afterwards.

Oct 11th there was an interview posted from Seth Ferranti, who spent two years as a fugitive evading capture. He explains how he had to fake his own death to stay hidden. https://youtu.be/RedMawGjeeE 

Oct 20th. Chris and Roberta Laundrie decide to finally help search for their fugitive son.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/human-remains-found-brian-laundrie-search-are-skeletal-police-say-n1282103

"My understanding was it either open to the public on Tuesday or Wednesday, and Chris and Roberta decided that since it was open ... they wanted to go and look for Brian by themselves," Bertolino said. "After speaking with me, I told him that I wanted to notify law enforcement so that we would have no issue."

Brian Laundries remains were found, (by his parents) who also handled the evidence (FISHY). The evidence included “Teeth” which passed DNA testing but the rest of the remains couldn’t be verified so they had to send them to an Forensic Anthropologist. HELLO! TEETH can be saved! They fall out or can be PULLED out and the rest of the remains are inconclusive?

The day before finding the “remains” Chris Laundrie sent a package off through FedEx to an unknown location which could very well fit the DRY BAG that was found later. The park was open to the public the day before they found the remains, AGAIN found by HIS PARENTS. There are too many questions still being asked and too many who still think Brian is alive.

https://www.tiktok.com/@unsolved_crime007/video/7021274933409893638?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id6971567251066439174

This whole case sounds suspicious and covered up. Who do these parents know? Who are they connected with because usually CIVILIANS don’t just handle evidence linked to any case or given the chance to look inside the evidence found. They may get to look at it long enough to say “yes I recognize that” but to slowly observe and then be handed BACK the evidence, NOW THAT’S just not usually how things are done. UNLESS they know something and people are helping them cover things up.

https://youtu.be/40bpaFq-pGU

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My thoughts are everywhere with this case, which I’ve been following since the beginning. Did anyone ever check out the “hand” in the garden bed located in the Laundrie’s backyard? Why were the parents watering just the corner of the garden bed exactly where we saw the hand pop out and watch Roberta Laundrie be given something and hand something back?

https://www.tiktok.com/@_mamabear_xo_/video/7015935949347556614?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id6971567251066439174

If you are new to this case or have been following it. What are your thoughts? Do you have any info that has been eating you up that you need to get off your chest? Any info is good info to help in this case.

Why does it feel like this whole case has been mishandled? Gabby, Kylen, and Crystal, may you rest in piece and your killer be brought to justice.

Sources:

https://www.instagram.com/gabspetito/

https://www.instagram.com/bizarre_design_/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4C16OpecSfU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx4SgLThO9A

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The timeline of Gabby and Brian’s journey, the witnesses, the police footage from the 3 body cams (3rd isn’t being released), the fight outside of Kylen’s job (The Moonflower) , even the Motel that Brian was placed in the night of Aug 12th. Everything points to Brian with all 3 murders. I feel it in my bones. Those girls deserve justice no matter the outcome of this case and I am sorry to the families who have lost their loved ones in this horrible tragedy. IF I’m wrong and Brian didn’t kill Kylen and Crystal or Gabby then everything is one BIG coincidence.

I’m sitting here reading the news and listening to videos of people’s stories as they fight today’s world. Between the disasters and drama online to the way woman are seen these days. The image woman must hold in the eyes of society to be beautiful. Its all so..... annoying...

The sickness ravaging this world is unseen. Slowly going through like a ghost. Causing anything it touches to disappear or deal in agony if they should out run it. My thoughts linger to how people run around thinking they are invincible to the disasters around them. When surly NO ONE is safe from this monster stalking us all... You can try to shield yourself with whatever “shield or potion” but in truth it will always find you. Even when you think you are safe.

Pay attention to the world around you...To the movies you watch.. To the stories you hear about or see online.. Not all are true of course but EVERY story has a common ground. Do your research on what’s happening. I have and it’s why I’m living every day as if it is my last. Look around you and decide what matters to you most. The person there next to you, that furr-baby that loves and relies on you. That child who wants nothing more than to have your attention. OR is it that television you watch, or your game system you play for hours every day, maybe its even spending as much time away from the people who love you.

Do you ever catch yourself staring off into space? Have you felt that emptiness wash through your body and the world slip away? Still, eyes wide open, unblinking. Your breath comes to a slow shallow inhale and exhale. Holding each intake of air because you are unaware of your body and the space you are in.

I feel everyone and everything around me. The pain, the anger, the guilt, and the FEAR. When a plane goes over, it doesn't matter the distance or where it may be flying; it feels as though the jets are booming in my ears. My brain bounces to the beats of music blasting from passing cars. I feel everything...

When I slip off into a deep meditation as I was speaking about above. All my worries and pains stop. My mind clears and I'm able to focus on the feeling of nothing. No sounds to cringe from, no people to have their emotions pushed on me. No planes or trains or music blasting can get to me. Even my own fear can't get me in that place.

My questions for you: How do you help someone who's been living with trauma for the last 30 years? Do they ever live a normal life? Can they find happiness? Or will they always have a struggle to live this thing called life? Have you seen that show on Netflix called The Good Place? To me, this world is that show. This is only a trial to get us where we need to really be and so far I'm failing.

I’m escaping from something. I see a town behind me..Fire, Water, and Chaos. I’m on a bus traveling up a mountain. Passing by housing that looks like Cabins but bigger with Triangle roofs with a point... Balconies on each house as we pass. The bus is filled to the brim with people including me. We travel up the mountain path in panic, Chaos raging in my ears. Screaming. The energy around me is tight. As I pass the houses I see two people standing in front. A man and a woman. I know the man, but do I know the woman?

I don’t understand how to be in this world. I don’t understand how to act nor talk... I sit in a room with people that I like, yet I can’t find the words to say to speak. I desperately want to talk to them, to get to know them more. For them to know me more. They are my friends so shouldn’t we talk? Yet we sit behind our computer screens and phones, texting back and forth. It’s the easier way for people to talk to each other it seems. Why? Why can’t I find the words to express the way I’m feeling? I feel extremely frustrated that I can’t get out of my head long enough to form the words I want to say. Sometimes they sit on my lips waiting to roll out and sometimes they do slip out.

I’ve noticed a pattern in my life that I can’t seem to shake. After today though, I’m hoping its slapped me back into reality. People don’t care about people. They don’t care about your feelings. They don’t care to know who you are really. The only thing they care about is what is happening in their lives and the present moment. When that rare moment comes when I finally feel comfortable and safe enough to speak, everyone goes running. Why can’t people handle feelings? Why can I not feel grief over the loss of an Uncle? The loss of a Pet. The loss of grandmother. All within 6 months...Not only do I keep losing loved ones but my job is next due to the (you know what) happening in the world. You aren’t allowed to say the “V” word these days or the “Pand...” word. Otherwise you have your posts removed.

Listen, I’m frustrated and I don’t know what to do anymore. Why am I writing on this thing where anyone can read it? Why not just write in a journal or diary like other people? I don’t know really. This is the last step I’ve tried before I completely shut down to the world and to myself... I am a positive thinker and know that life goes on. I push for positive only and tell people things always get better. It’s what I’ve been told my whole life. Yet here I sit behind this screen tapping away at the keys while these words spill out on the screen before me. Life is just hard and the world as we know it, as I know it, is changing.

The norm these days is waking up and grabbing my phone to see who messaged me. How many likes did I get on my photo/vod, I uploaded before bed. I need to make sure I respond to everyone so I don't hurt anyone’s feelings. Then I get out of bed and move to my PC, power on. I spend hours working for other people with no expectations, no pay, no incentives. Editing and building emotes, making adverts for communities, etc. Eat and drink here or there with a small break and then back to work. Constantly putting my feelings and mental health on the bench. Maybe sleeping for 3 or 4 hours a day or skipping a day of sleep all together. Ending with the same result each time. *Disappointing Someone* or *Disappointing myself*

Social Media has def turned me into something different than myself from 10 years ago. I used to enjoy the outdoors, hiking, running, being outside (I know I said that once before) Now its all about how many likes do I have, do I look fat in this picture or video. Does my hair look okay. What will the haters of the world say about me today? Will my post bring in the clicks? Those clicks that are GOLD these days. My life has changed in the years that has passed. Its time for a new change. Will it be for the better or will I crash and burn. WHO KNOWS but at least I tried.

*Message To Self*