Iām a train wreckĀ I know.
@toodomforyou,Ā I was going to wait until you guys replied to my original ask and try to do this nicely and anonymously. Just because Iām the least confrontational, least vengeful person you will ever meet. But at this point heāll know itās me anyway. So fuck playing nice. Iām taking no prisoners.Ā
My NSFW/Porn blog is literally less than two weeks old. And I am new to kink as well. An all around newbie to the community. I followed prettyperversion after discovering him linked on a PoC kink list. I first contacted prettyperversion asking him how old he was after he made a post asking why people donāt ask questions about him. He answered my ask publicly and then messaged me privately.
Seeing that his work is great and how everyone on Tumblr seems to love him, I was extremely flattered by (and stupid because of) his attention.
After establishing that I was close enough to his āareaā he asked if I wanted to text him about working with him. I agreed and he sent me his number and we began texting.
I let him know off the bat that I am not experienced and have never done anything like this ever.
At this point Iām suspicious because he says heās basically doing it for free and that all Iāll have to do is pay for his gas, the room, and food. Iām not a total complete idiot. So when he says heāll need to know where I live so he can figure out cost Iām skeptical and ask if I can ask a friend some questions. I wanted to make sure I wasnāt being stupid and unsafe and I told him as much.
He questioned why Iād want to ask a friend questions but also reassured me that weād be meeting in public and that heās experienced. Tells me heāll teach me about all the toys and teach me basic safety rules. He asks me if I want a course in kink and letās me know that I donāt have to any of it. That if Iām too overwhelmed heāll retract his offer. Ā
Iām not sure yet and I start asking him question to get a feel of what exactly will go down and what itād be like to work with him.
He answers my questions in ways that sound good and makes me more comfortable. Tells me again that itās up to me. So Iām actually still considering it and thinking it would be a great opportunity for me. But if I add on a course in kink heās got to charge me SOMETHING, right? Ā But all he wants is a good review and nice comments.
So, my suspicion is peaked again. And because Iām not trying to run up on pictures of myself on porn sites without me knowing about it. I ask about what he does with what he shoots, if theyāre mine to do with what I want, and if I get a say in where and what he posts. Again all smooth answers from this guy. And Iām honestly really enjoying the attention and the thought that this man with all this experience wants to do this with me at basically no cost. But I still donāt understand what heāll get out of it. So I ask.
He gets photos and he needs new material to post. Okay cool. So I did get lucky.
Then I remember reading in my research and things Iāve seen on Tumblr before that itās smart to ask for references. So I do. He tells me to look at his Tumblr and gives me one name in particular. And doesnāt put up a fuss about it. So I trust him and am eager to to this thing so I answer the questions heād asked initially. Reiterating that Iām not experienced in kink but telling him the things I think Iām interested in.Ā
He replies telling me he can give me a small play session to give me some experience. And this thing is just becoming a more and more appealing opportunity that for me. So, he tells me if weāre doing a play session heāll need my rules and gives me his. Ā
So I let him know Iām a sex abuse survivor and that I have PTSD because to me thatās obviously an important thing he should know. And let him know what Iām definitely for sure not into.
He has PTSD too he says. Iām not the first rape surviver heās worked with. Great. He gets it. He understands. Now Iām even more at ease. So we talk more about what I may or may not be into and my weight.
After telling him how much I weigh he asked to see pictures because he canāt believe I weigh that much. Which was understandable to me. After sending those he asks to see my tits. Fine. After sending him pictures of my breasts he lets me know how excited he is about this. Making me feel like now I definitely canāt back out of this because now heās excited. Which I didnāt fault him for because it shouldnāt matter to me if heās excited or not if I donāt want to do it. But I resigned myself to being committed to this thing anyway.
He asks more about what turns me on. And I canāt think of anything so that leads him to ask what the extent of my experiences are. Now what I tell him I realize now I should have been more upfront and honest about in the very beginning. Iām a virgin. Ā
At this point I just know that the fact that Iām a virgin sex abuse survivor is going to make him back out of this thing. Or at least the fact that I hadnāt mentioned it early would. So I try to give him an out. No sir. He only has questions for me.
Then he asks if I give head. That I do have experience with. And I know itāll probably be triggering for me. So I let him know.
What he says makes me feel like heās on my side. That heāll look out for me and help me through what ever Iāll have problems with.
Then things escalate. But I really want to meet up with him. And I honestly think itāll be an okay situation and helpful for me. And he seems like he wants to help. So I go with it even though Iām slightly uncomfortable. Because Iām scared that if I donāt heāll back out.
When he tells me to show him and tells me that itās Ā a command all sorts of warning bells go off in my head. But I ignore it and send him a short clip anyway because I want to please him, because I donāt want him to back out of meeting up with me. I keep going with it.
He gave me a choice to see him or him in action with a friend. I want to know what Iām getting myself into and have not though about if this friend has given him consent to share a video of them together. So I choose the second choice. And he sends me a video clip of him having sex with another woman who may or may not be comfortable with him sending other people this video. And He asks my thoughts.
I want to know if heāll treat me the same way he treats her. As you can see he asks if thatās what I want and my response isnāt what he expected. So I tell him what he wants to hear because again, I want to please him. He gives me another command and then another and tells me not to question his tasks. I comply.
He asks me what I want and tells me to FaceTime him but there was literally no way I could. So I tell him that. He pressed the issue for a bit then after telling me heās going to teach me how to be powerful he let it go and moves on to the next thing.
I definitely post some saucy photos on my Tumblr but I intentionally keep my most valuable parts covered. So when he asks me if I post my breast or vagina and I tell him I donāt I thought heād move on to the next thing. Instead he asks why. I let him know thatās not something Iām comfortable with. He tells me to get over it and asks if he should command me to do it. I know this is not a situation I want to be in and something I donāt want to do. So want to know what sheās going to do. And I ask. What happens if I donāt do it. What my punishment will be. Trying to weigh if the task or the punishment would be worse. Let me tell you the punishment would have been worse.
After telling him that Iām afraid to do it. He commands me to. When I tell him I canāt. He tells me that if I donāt he will. So now I have to do it.
I take a picture and send it to him asking if itās good enough. To which he replies that either my nipples or vagina have to be showing. So since that one wasnāt good enough I send him another. He lets me know that one will work but it didnāt have to be so revealing. So I take another. That one is just right so I post it. (Iāve since deleted it.)
He calls me a good girl and I just send him an emoji. (This one āŗļø) Ends up not responding and I fall asleep.
When I wake up it hits me what exactly happen and what exactly I let him make me do. So I text a friend who I know has more experience in the BDSM community than I do. Being as vague as possible about the situation while simultaneously freaking all the way out.
So now that Iāve had time to think about it clearly and see how bad of an idea it is I no longer want to meet up with this guy and am feeling more than a little like I let myself get taken advantage of. My friend agrees that itās probably not a good idea to meet up with him. So I try to think of a way to back out without him harassing me or posting my nudes on the internet.
When he texts me that morning I try to scare him off by just telling him the truth. Iām not someone who is capable of not getting attached. I let him know I donāt think heās offering what I need. And that I need more than whatās offering to stay healthy and safe.Ā
But he doesnāt back out. And seems like heās thinking about how to make this work. So I let him know I donāt think itās feasible. Ā
He tryās to rearrange my boundaries. Or it least it seams that way to me. Telling me heāll respect me and treat me like a lady. That he wonāt ignore me or make me feel used. Which, I mean if you read up until point you can see that he already disrespected me and made me feel used.
He tries making me feel more comfortable with the situation. Telling me he wonāt treat me badly and to have fun. I tell him Iām not capable of fun. He tells me Iām thinking too far ahead. Iām just trying to stay safe and be smart.
When he tells me we can have a relationship Iām floored. I know heās only telling me what I want to hear and I donāt understand why or why he wants this so badly.
He doesnāt want anything he says. I can cancel he says. Iām overthinking he says. I question everything and then question his answer he says.
I know I overthink Iāve been told that before. So I think āokay, maybe it is just me. Maybe itās just in my head.ā But I still donāt feel comfortable meeting up with him. So I ask if we can hold off and revisit the idea in the future. Give me some time to get my head together. To which he replies I need to relax and push trough. I tell him I donāt know how. He tells me to let him help and to let it flow and let it happen. Tell me Iāll worry but heāll push me through it.
At this point my gut is telling me to get the fuck out of this situation at whatever cost. But my head is telling me Iām just thinking too much. Heās well received on Tumblr. The girl he gave as a reverence said heās professional and Iāll love him.
Since I was so conflicted I contact I decided to a Tumblr user who wasnāt connected to him and who seemed to me pretty active in the community and seemed like she knows whatās what and whoās who. She immediately tells me that Iām the second person whoās said something about him to her. Tells me I might want to change my number and to stay safe.
I block his number without hesitation. And this Tumblr user puts me in contact with the other person who said something to her. Ā She also feels that something is off.
I wait to see what (if) prettyperversion will have to say in my messages on Tumblr. Sure enough after awhile he messages me asking if I blocked him. Saying that he meant no harm and that he was trying to help.
I ignore him and then get a text on my phone from him from a different number. Saying that I didnāt have to block him. That he was trying to help. That he didnāt want to hurt me. I proceeded to block that number as well.
I do believe he didnāt mean to hurt me. I always try to see the very best in people because I believe even people who do bad things arenāt all bad and thereās good in them somewhere too.
But I didnāt work up courage to respond to him until this after noon. Ā
I normally would never call anyone out like this. Itās just not my how I am. I donāt want any other women out there who may be in my situation to put up with this kind of toxicity. Iāve now blocked this man and Iāll not suggest you do to but I will strongly recommend that youāre careful about interacting with him.