k

dammit i was supposed to fix everything today

i love you semicolon. no one look at my 80 word sentence

when i was a teenager it felt very revolutionary to be cruel to myself. like some kind of slow passive protest against how much everything hurt. i starved myself of sleep and food and tenderness because it felt right. it felt sharp and angry and radical and i wanted to be those things. adulthood is the realisation that the world is already working to cut into you well before you learn how to do it yourself. caring for yourself and others is the real protest

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old

feeling like an academic flop will have you randomly thinking shit like You’ve Betrayed And Destroyed Yourself For Nothing and it’s like Ok girl tone it down it’s not that serious

i haaaate being avoidant. it makes you feel like the world's biggest jackass whenever someone tries to talk to you or whatever and you just Freeze Up

Oh sorry i took a long ass time to reply and didnt say anything. I got arbitrarily scared and tired myself out so now i cant say much. Oopsie teehee. it makes you feel like a huge dickhead

sometimes i fantasise about people shutting the fuck up

thank you medical technology for giving me a dad that’s still alive and for prolonging his life and for prolonging MY life and for all the times I’ve never caught a disease I’m vaccinated for and all the times doctors had to cut me open to fix my insides and I was able to sleep through it thank you anesthesiologists thank you surgeons thank you physical therapists thank you nurses thank you nurse practitioners thank you surgery technicians thank you neurologists thank you cardiologists thank you gastroenterologists thank you ENT doctors thank you OB/GYNs thank you midwifes thank you scientists who discover and synthesize new medicines thank you engineers designing prosthetics and insulin pumps and metal implants thank you janitors for keeping our hospital rooms and hallways clean and safe thank you phlebotomists thank you laboratory workers thank you pharmacists for filling our meds THANK YOU MODERN MEDICINE FOR MY LIFE AND FOR MY FAMILY AND MY FUTURE

some of yall need to go back to like preschool level 'girls can do anything boys can do' feminism bc we are regressing into feminine = frivolous = weak = nurturing and masculine = power = force = competence at the speed of fucking light

websites often misjudge how far I will go to avoid ads. "you can't use this site until you turn off the adblock sowwy" I Am Leaving Your Website

ctrl+f is one of the greatest things to happen to academia and indeed this world

ever since I was little I knew I wanted to dedicate my formative years to imagining fictional scenarios

btw if youre young and scared of doing adult things without your parents ive learned that like 90% of the time you can just tell the doctors office or the dmv "haha sorry ive never done this without help before... can you show me how to do this?" the employee will not care. if that means anything to you

i think there should be two nighttimes. one for sleeping and a second one for being awake but at night. and then only one daytime because daytime doesn’t matter as much except for the birds

I hope you find a cozy home in yourself instead of wishing you were more this or less that. I hope you see something in yourself worth loving and protecting. I hope you find something that brings you comfort and lessens the loneliness. I hope you go on long walks and drink your favourite tea. I hope you have books, daydreams, paintbrushes, music and other escapes to hold on to when you have nothing else. I hope you continue to try even when you’re tired and can’t see the end. I hope unexpected good things come to surprise you. I hope you meet someone who lights up your life and makes up for all the goodbyes and endings that came before. I hope you’re going through your day and feel a sense of lightness all over and wonder to yourself, maybe it’s all going to be alright. I hope you make yourself proud. I hope you make new memories full of warmth and peace to replace the bad ones. I hope your heart will be surrounded with flowers, trees and stars. I hope everything gets better for you.