Professional Snuggler

The “Thunk” will always kill me.

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

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functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

I find it pretty fascinating that thousands of trans women on hrt for years have attested they have monthly symptoms like those caused by periods, but tme people will argue it's all made up and impossible. Like. Thousands. People that don't know each other, that come from completely different parts of the world, will say the same thing happens to them. To deny the reality of it is to be in denial.

you have to keep blogging. there are lesbians who like your posts

i think if i asked peter thiel for 500 million dollars, and told him that my business plan was to spend 499 million of that on oil futures, and the remaining 1 million ordering the entire stock of pizza, burgers, fries, shakes, jamba juices, schitzels, fucking wetzels pretzels, the whole lot, within 50 miles of the pentagon, just to see if i could blow up the pentagon pizza index enough to move global oil markets 0.2% and recoup my losses... i think that if i asked him that, in those exact words, he would give me 1 billion dollars just to see if i could do it twice. and i would try. god forgive me i would try.

#“descendents of the evil oyster man” wins the 2026 prize for “most baffling DNI”

I have every word ever blocked. I could be mutuals with axe murderers and I wouldn't know because I have "#axe murdering" in my blocked tags. it's so peaceful here (hears a noise behind me) (doesn't turn around)

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

Who the fuck is that thing tolling for

My favourite translator said that when she was an ambassador for Hungary she took all these Japanese politicians on a tour and she was trying to circumtranslate ‘merry go round’ cause she didn’t know the Japanese word for it by calling it a ‘horse tornado for children’ and they had no blessed idea what she was saying and she finally started running in circles going up and down and they go ‘ohhhhh, in Japan we call those ‘merry-go-rounds’”