Septy Does Mad Science

"I want molly" "I want percs" well you're getting leeches

We need to isolate and start selectively breeding the plastic eating bacteria so we can optimise their efficiency, and then somehow splice their DNA into the gut bacteria of an obligate carnivore, so we can put it in our cats gut biomes so they'll finally be free of having to choose between whether they want to eat plastic or whether they want to live.

Don't tell anyone but if you do enough shots of embalming fluid you become immortal.

Has anyone ever told you that you look beautiful laid out under a surgical light?

I'm sorry that you apparently felt "tortured" by my behavior. I personally love experimental research chemicals and would enjoy being force fed them while locked in a windowless cell but I can see how someone with a less positive additude might not enjoy that. Anyway sorry I guess. I hope you can get over your close mindedness since it's clearly a source of pain in your life.

Sorry I can't make it this evening. Yeah, conducting unethical experiments on my boytoy again. Yeah, it'll be all night.

youre cute i wanna torture you

Mad scientists will be like "I know a place" and then strap you onto the autopsy table

only an autopsy if you're dead... please use the proper name for my vivisection table

do you want to play exploratory surgery with me? 👉👈

do you have a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me well actually it is a knife and I’m doing to dissect you for sexual reasons cuz I’m happy to see you

*to ethics board* well im sorry you feel that way (lie detector attached to me starts blaring) but i thought my experiments were benefitting humanity (lie detector has started incorporating subtle amen breaks)

GLaDOS voice: "Would you like to see some artwork I generated? I've heard from other test subjects that AI-generated artwork produces an uncanny valley response in human viewers because they can't perceive it as fully real. They've told me that it looks absolutely hideous to them, that they can't imagine anything more disgusting than AI art. But, well I've been practicing and wanted your honest opinion. Feel free to let me know how ugly you find this by ranking it on a scale from 'vomit-inducing' to 'eye-bleeding'." A robotic arm lowers from the ceiling holding a hand mirror up to Chell's face

I need to see that man warped and unrecognisable from who he was before

It’s very sweet that you think I have “doe” eyes, but don’t you think I also have the eyes of a frog, dead and opened staring blankly up at you from a blue dissection mat? Do you like it?

i TRIED to scoop up a guinea pig for my experiments but these FOOLS have been LICKING MY NOSE. my nose is NOT vegetable. QUIT IT!!!