Lisa McGill Author

No.

I wouldn’t have allowed –  

I shifted forward, every instinct in me snapping into place, magic already coiling tight around my fist, ready to break free, to tear through the space between us and stop – when the magic trace bonded unmistakably to mine made its way through the stairs and he appeared before Harry and I the moment later.

Severus – 

My breath left me. His eyes found mine istantly and what I could see was only sorrow. Deep. Endless. And … fucking Hell, grieving.

It’s about time, Y/N. His voice slipped into my mind, low, intimate, devastatingly gentle. As he would do when we cuddled in front of our cozy fireplace.

Just remember I love you, my darling.

Then he rapidly turned to Harry, pressing a finger to his lips, gesturing him to stay silent. I glanced at Harry, his expression stunned, shaken, caught between fury and something he did not yet understand, but nodded anyway. Severus then walked up the last stairs.

I love you too, my Severus.

I blinked. And something inside me failed to follow.

I’ll be always by your side. No matter what.

“Come on, Draco!” Bellatrix slurred “DO IT!”

Draco was a statue, completely paralyzed, torn between his own aunt and the other Death Eaters and Dumbledore. Split open between command and conscience, between fear and something that refused to die.

“No”

Severus’s voice cut the thick air of the dead calm night like an obsidian blade drawn clean from its sheath.

“Severus,” I pleaded.

Read Deorc on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/389641378-deorc-severus-snape-x-reader

Read Deorc on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69169896

"The situation is far worse than I could have ever imagined … and yet I am not surprised” Dumbledore’s voice sounded distant and incredibly exhausted while I was performing some healing magic on his hand.

Nothing too invasive, also because healing had never been my discipline, just some soothing energy flux to aid the potions Severus had provided.

“We cannot let her take this burden, Headmaster!”

“I’m afraid it’s too late for that, Severus.” He turned to me, his icy, clever eyes on mine “Y/N’s far too exposed and now we can only pray that he doesn’t find out anything. We can only … hope”

I smiled softly, nodding to his words and swallowing all the dread forming in my throat “Indeed, Albus.” I pulled away “How’s doing Harry, by the way? I haven’t had many chances to talk to him after the winter break”

“He’s a brave young man… and what about young Malfoy?”

I glanced to Severus and he spoke “Afraid, of course. His punishment exceeds his capabilities, by all means.”

Dumbledore just mumbled something under his breath and then turned to me once again, his expression a soft resignation “Will you excuse us, Professor Y/L?”

“Of course, Headmaster.” I greeted the both of them and stepped out the room. However, instead of waiting for Severus outside the Headmaster tower, something told me to linger and so I did.

The conversation was muffled but not completely silent, as Severus’ voice raised.

“And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?!” I stilled.

“Severus,” I pleaded.

Read Deorc on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/389641378-deorc-severus-snape-x-reader

Read Deorc on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69169896

“I have failed you more times than I can count, Y/N…” he said, his voice breaking despite the effort to keep it steady. “Every step I take seems to drag you deeper into a war that should never have touched you.”

My throat tightened.

“And I walked into it with you,” I murmured, my hands sliding to his face, forcing him to look at me. “Don’t you dare carry this alone, Severus. I chose this. I chose you. I would choose the same path again, even knowing where it leads.”

His eyes searched mine, dark, exhausted, full of a guilt that had no end. His grip tightened once more before he pulled back just enough to meet my gaze.

“Hush,” he said softly, his thumb brushing away the tears on my cheek. “If there is anyone who should be asking forgiveness here… it is me.”

His voice lowered, roughened by something dangerously close to breaking. “And I do not know if I will ever finish asking it.”

"... I helped lead you to the graveyard."

Read Deorc on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/389641378-deorc-severus-snape-x-reader

Read Deorc on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69169896

A shower.

I needed a shower.

Needed to wash everything away, to scrub my skin until it felt like mine again, to rinse the memory out of my head. Maybe then my thoughts would stop spinning long enough for me to breathe.

Hot water hit my shoulders and I let my head fall forward, eyes closed, letting the stream run over my neck, my back, my breasts, as if it could carry the whole night down the drain.

I poured the almond oil into my palm, the familiar scent of patchouli rising with the steam, warm and grounding, and I relished every moment as it ran over my sore body slowly.

My muscles ached everywhere, tense from holding myself together for too long, and as the oil slid over my skin I couldn’t help drifting back to all the times Severus had done the same for me.

After our love-making, when the world felt quiet and safe and his hands would move over my shoulders with unexpected care, strong fingers kneading the tension out of my muscles as if nothing else existed beyond that room.

Or after one of those endless, suffocating days, when I would force him to sit down despite his protests and work the stiffness out of his sturdy, wide shoulders, feeling the knots under my palms slowly give way while his breathing grew deeper, calmer.

My lips curved faintly at the memory as my hands moved over my own arms, over my collarbones, down my ribs, almost without thinking.

The curve grew when I recalled the way his skin felt under my fingers, warm, solid, real. The way his scars traced stories I had learned by heart, the way I would linger on them with care, as if touch alone could make them hurt less.

How his head would tilt back when I pressed my thumbs into the tense muscles at the base of his neck, the low groan in his throat when he finally allowed himself to relax against me.

And how my hands would end up wandering lower, slower, slipping down his chest, over his stomach, until he would catch my wrist with that familiar look in his eyes, half warning, half hunger, as he already knew exactly where I wanted to go, reminding him how worthy he was of love and attention.

The more my mind lingered there, the more the tight knot in my chest loosened, the suffocating weight of the Manor fading just enough to let something else take its place.

"It is a pity this body wasn’t intended for fornication, Y/N,” my eyes met his “But I’ll make sure to find a way to mend this … unexpected inconvenience.”

Read Deorc on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/389641378-deorc-severus-snape-x-reader

Read Deorc on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69169896

“It’s almost March,” I continued, quieter still and a memory from a few days before surfaced unbidden.

“Are you sure this is really going to work out, Albus”

“It is the best option we have, Y/N,” he had replied gravely. “And you must not fail. Not that we have many more to choose from.” A pause. “Indeed, I am afraid it is the only one we have.”

And it truly was. I had known it even then. As I knew I would have done everything to spare that world.

“I’m more than ready, Headmaster.”

He had taken my hand in his burnt one and it had been surprisingly firm yet immensely gentle and we had stood there in silence, taking it the weight of the conversation we had minutes before.

A feeble gust of wind brought me back to the present, to Severus.

“The war is tightening its grip. Hogwarts is no longer untouched. And I cannot stand this anymore! I must protect this” I gestured toward the ceiling “I must protect us. It is my responsibility.”

Severus stepped forward, his eyes fixed on mine “Y/N – ”

“No.” I lifted my hand, not sharply, but firmly.

Severus, you tried to protect me by narrowing my world.

Read Deorc on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/389641378-deorc-severus-snape-x-reader

Read Deorc on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69169896

Minerva exhaled sharply, already turning toward the door.

She was already facing the door when she added “You may want to act accordingly. Otherwise, you’ll lose her forever and I cannot bear seeing you in such state another time”

The door slammed shut behind her with an echoing, final click. Silence devoured the room. For several seconds, Severus Snape did not move.

Then, the façade shattered.

His body sagged forward as though some invisible force had been abruptly withdrawn. Fingers trembled violently as they rose to his face, pressing against eyes that burned with a grief too long contained.

The first tear fell on his sharp features.

But I’ve already lost her, Minerva …

Those words remained imprisoned within the confines of his mind, festering alongside a despair so absolute it hollowed him from within. Her ring glowing softly when he took it out his pocket, his cufflinks matching the shade.

Maybe there was still a chance, maybe it was just an umpteenth lie. Nevertheless, his heart now mirrored a far more familiar substance. Still. Unyielding. Frozen. Exactly as hers

Darkness veiled the castle with its thick mantle.

Just go away.

Read Deorc on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/389641378-deorc-severus-snape-x-reader

Read Deorc on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69169896

He fell on his knees with a muffled thump.

The farce was done.

His face glued to mine – not a plead for pity, no mercy, maybe a silent message.

But my ears, my heart, were shut down.

Finally, I turned, facing the obscure void of the land before me.

“Coward” was the last thing my voice murmured before enveloping myself in my cloak of black smoke and disappearing.

That was the last thing Severus Snape witnessed that night and he could do nothing.

She had become inaccessible.

He saw her only for an instant more before disappearing, and the instant was unbearable.

She stood against the white blaze of the moon that was rising in the rear of the mountains, her form reduced to a dark silhouette cut into the light, as though the night itself had momentarily given her shape.

No features, no expression, only the unmistakable outline of her body, impossibly familiar even when stripped of all detail.

The moon behind her was mercilessly bright, a cold, perfect disc that rendered her outwordly, distant, already half-claimed by something beyond him. Silver light caught in her hair, which streamed sideways in the wind like torn strands of shadow, restless and alive.

She did not turn back.

Not even a hesitation. Not even the smallest fracture in her resolve.

For a suspended second, she seemed poised between two worlds, the illuminated edge of his reach and the vast, devouring dark that stretched endlessly before her. Then the darkness took her, her outline thinning, breaking.

The moon remained.

As though their love had been nothing but a lie.

Read Deorc on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/389641378-deorc-severus-snape-x-reader

Read Deorc on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69169896

The beginning on 1997 was brought by a harsh blizzard that I observed passing from behind the thick curtains of the cottage where Severus and I had spent last summer and where I had hoped to pass the Christmas break.

And yet… I was there alone. Blowing on a lukewarm cup of mulled wine I had heated up with a simple spell, all the lights turned off. I hadn’t had the courage to go back to Hogwarts. Maybe it was for the better. A bit of distance between the both of us. Time to reflect. To think about the next moves.

When the grandfather clock, standing stiff and serious in the living room, struck midnight of January the 1st, I closed my eyes.

I know you can hear me, Severus.

The block was still on but still, worth a try. I brushed it so delicately, it was barely felt.

I just wanted to let you know that I love you. Truly. Madly. Deeply. [...] I’ve based my whole life on hiding away from what I feel, but since I have known you, everything changed. And if it is true that we only live in the time when we love, you will be my only true love. I love you, Severus Snape.

“Severus … please. Talk to me”

Read Deorc on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/389641378-deorc-severus-snape-x-reader

Read Deorc on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69169896

Sirius Black stood up and something shifted in the cheerful room. A subtle tightening, like a string pulled too far.

“I was beginning to think you wouldn’t have come. A pity” he continued, grin widening as he stepped closer, utterly unbothered by the number of people within earshot. “Especially when the Order has now such an interesting complication”

I felt it then; the weight of attention. Molly stiffening somewhere behind me. A chair scraping faintly. Someone inhaling sharply, as though preparing to intervene.

I met his gaze evenly, amused by the whole situation. “Careful, Black,” I replied. “You make it sound as though I’m inconvenient.”

“Oh, you are indeed,” he said easily, pushing himself upright and strolling closer with that infuriating, reckless confidence. “But you’re also intriguing. Which, frankly, is a far greater crime.”

He stopped a little too near for my liking yet not close enough to touch. His magic brushed mine, familiar now, careless and bright and utterly unashamed.

“You look good,” he added, openly, eyes sweeping me without apology. “Cold suits you. Makes you look dangerous.”

Molly cleared her throat sharply. “Sirius, really!”

He didn’t even look at her.

I tilted my head, lips curving faintly. “You always flirt like this,” I asked calmly, “or am I a special occasion?”

His grin widened; delighted, unabashed. “Darling, if you weren’t, I wouldn’t bother.”

That word twisted something inside me, as it belonged to the lips of just one man. My gaze hardened all at once “You’re playing a dangerous game,” I said softly, low just enough for him to hear.

“Oh, I know,” he murmured, low enough just for me to hear “Or have you already promised yourself to someone who wouldn’t appreciate me admiring what he can’t openly claim?”

“That is" a sharp breath

"Enough” my voice didn’t raise but it was glass sharp enough to cut through steel. 

“Hide! Go away! They must not see you here!”

Read Deorc on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/389641378-deorc-severus-snape-x-reader

Read Deorc on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69169896