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This is glorious

The impact causes the gun to go off and shoot wade in the dick. Spider man spends the next several minutes frantically apologizing while cable laughs his ass off for the first time in years.

Pretty sure I’ve read this comic

@wishem please omg just a quick doodle or something even

Don’t you dare apologize for perfection.

I laughed out loud in the middle of a staff meeting.

I have yet to see a “not all men” and I’m surprised. 

Before my parents married my dad worked at a national guard base in Arizona that basically consisted of a bunch of “office buildings” made up of clusters of those long, thin pre-fab style tube houses. In the afternoons if it wasn’t too hot the guys in his building would open the doors on either end to get a breeze through. Apparently a local roadrunner took this as an open invitation and started coming in to “inspect” the offices each day/use the long hallway as an indoor runway. He go up and down the hallway stopping at each desk to see if anyone had anything tasty for him and then wander back out the other end and go about his roadrunner day. If they didn’t open the doors right away he’d just be hanging out, waiting outside the building until someone let him in. They are apparently highly curious (and also incredibly trusting) birds.

this just made me so happy thank you for sharing your story

Road runners at some Arizona rest stops take advantage of the giant windows on buildings. When other birds crash into the windows, the road runners jump them & will rip them apart. Imagine being a family stopping on a road trip & witnessing that scene. O_O

the only acceptable way to dress me for my funeral

Personally i went from “guess I’ll die” jokes to “IF I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 5 MORE MINUTES I PROMISE YOU I WILL BUY JUST, AN ARRAY OF CLOTHES.” and other wild hyperbolic stuff. Just replace the death part with something ridiculous and off topic. Its very entertaining

This also works with calling myself things like stupid, worthless, trash, etc. Even if you do this jokingly to yourself, your brain still believes it, and keeps up the cycle. Seriously, I found that when I stopped saying these things about myself, even jokingly, it made a massive difference.

How I work out.