a moth, for the flame

Both options convey that he's horny

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post

I hate that every social media platform has switched to a video centric format. I fucking hate it. Every app is so loud now. Instagram used to be quite. You could put on music and scroll to see what people are up too. Nope. Now everything has music on it or gets turned into a reel. This is why I fuck with tumblr. It's the quiet website. Just you and and the voices.

I love you guys but I think a lot of you are the kind of people who are susceptible to falling in with a cult.

You’re right. We should all band together under a trustworthy and influential leader who can keep us safe from outside threats

Reblog if you would date a robot. I'm not a robot I'm just asking for a friend. I have skin.

is it your own skin though? As in you grew it, on your own body, from birth?

This skin was grown yes. On a human body. That is mine. I’m not a robot

I don’t need to prove myself to you how dare you, I love breathing oxygen

Is it just me or you don’t really realise how drunk you are until you are in a bathroom alone???

thanks to tumblr literally every time i go to the bathroom when i’m drunk i think about this post and sit there laughing to myself trying not to fall off the toilet

god's weakest soldier is scrolling tumblr instead of being productive or participating in any of their hobbies

to everyone in the notes saying this is mean or rude or a callout, this post was autobiographical. we're in this together. take my paw

Happy 2 year anniversary to the post that my old boss allegedly now has framed in his office, next to the recovered photo of his children.

it's really gross how you can be self aware enough to know what's going on in your head but you can't actually stop it from happening. i need to grab it like a pigeon that got stuck in a house and throw it out the window. be free

for everyone in the notes lamenting that this guy is poisonous: they are not! they're just pretty :) since they're a glass frog, their major defense mechanism is being translucent and hiding their blood while they sleep so they look extra translucent and blend in with leaves <3

faeries are not real but i wish thwy were so i could spray one with raid

harry houdini to his wife after a long exhausting dinner with arthur conan doyle