how do you spell love?

After taking a small break to reorganise myself, I’m back and ready to dust all the corners of Teddy’s little home here! So, I’ll be doing a clear-out of some old threads, putting up some new plots, and I did a small UPDATE on where Teddy’s at right now in terms of health, relationships, and career. For now, however, here is his new tracker to (try to) keep up with all events/threads. Of course, he will be doing the DEBUT BOOTCAMP so if you’d like to plot for it (or just in general) please hmu, or like this post and I’ll message you!

{ Last Updated: Dec. 2nd ‘22 }

𝚈𝙾𝙷𝙰𝙽​:

          yohan turns to look at teddy, his eyebrows raised in confusion. “where’s this coming from, ted?” he asked the younger, slowly taking a few steps closer to him. yohan knew that teddy struggled with the whole coming off cool and sexy, it wasn’t something that everybody was able to do so easily, him included. it took him a while to be able to have that confidence to appear that way too, so he understood. “ted, i think you’ve always been cool, in your own way. you can be cool in different ways, you know?” yohan reassures him, giving him a small, soft smile.

          “i don’t think you look stupid, not at all. but i think, maybe it comes down to your confidence.. someone told me that confidence is key, even if you’re not as confident, like.. faking it til you make it, you know? that’s sort of how i started to feel like i could actually give rapping and singing a try, i just.. tried it with confidence.” he mentions. he knows that deep down, it probably stems from teddy’s anxiety. “try not to look at others so much, because you’re not them. you’re your own person, so it’ll be different for you. but, for what it’s worth, i think you’re pretty damn cool, you just have to believe yourself. you’ve got it, even if you don’t realise or see it yourself just yet.”

“I just... I need to look cool, or sexy for certain songs, and I’m worried I’ll never be able to do it. How am I going to ever debut if the management can see that I’m not as versatile as someone else? I need to be able to do it all.” He answers with a heavy sigh. It’s been plaguing his mind for weeks, over the course of the bootcamp, as he attempts to look cool and confident. He can’t decide whether it’s easier when he’s dancing, or when he’s just singing, like for the Shut Down performance. He’s more confident in his singing, but there’s something about dancing that feels like it can distract an audience just a little from his lack of ‘feeling cool’. Yet, he does notice, that recently he’s felt more comfortable performing Jikjin and Shut Down. It’s like a small stepping stone towards the songs he finds overwhelmingly difficult. Back Door isn’t too bad, especially with the parts he’s got, so overall Teddy thinks he’s gotten quite lucky this time. 

PRACTISE ROOM, DEBUT BOOTCAMP — [ SOMETIME IN DECEMBER ‘22 ] Teddy and BANG YOHAN practise together …

Over the past few months, Teddy had been working on himself. Sure, things had been a little... all over the place when it came to personal matters, but his distractions had surely come to an end. Healing from certain things took precedence over all other distractions, and really Teddy hadn’t even tried to work on healing that part of him that had suffered injury after injury over the end of the fall, and beginning of winter. Things were still raw, but he’d made the decision to finally put his own personal growth first, because Teddy knew he needed to really work on himself. Yet, part of that growth was purely driven by the knowledge that it would help with his performance, and his confidence when it came to things that weren’t just bright and playful. He needed to be able to perform cool, or sexy songs. 

“Yohan... do you think I’ve gotten better at... being cool? I’ve been trying really hard but I’m not sure if I still look... stupid, or not.” He’d been feeling a little more of that much needed assurance in himself, ever since he’d sworn off the distractions of previous months; Yohan being one of them. Thankfully, that had been as short lived as many of his previous ‘crushes’, apart from one, which still sent twinges of pain shooting through him. He wasn’t yet over him, not really. “I know I need to believe in myself, but it’s hard to judge, y’know?”

𝙼𝙸𝙻𝙰𝙽​:

milan makes a grand gesture towards their little feast. “to get this!” she explains easily. “i couldn’t eat it in the room without it smelling like food for days, though. the other girls would’ve made me sleep in the corridor after this.” she adds with a small chuckle. the distinct smell of red pepper in the ramen and melted cheese would’ve indeed stuck around for a while. and with how cramped their current living quarters are, it wouldn’t have been easy to air the room out. “and then after i got all this, i thought about… you!” she points at him. “as the person to share this with.” she gives him a small smile, and in this moment, she does appear to indeed be the older one, looking after the younger one.

the trainee can’t help laughing and clapping at the colorful way he describes his level of stress. “it’s okay! soot spirte are cute, i’d let you steal anything and put dust everywhere.” she replies. “but before you go through metamorphisis, let’s try this spicy therapy.”

once again, he makes her laugh. “would you really want me as a fairy godmother? i feel like i’d be a clumsy one.” she retorts, amused. “i’d be the type to embarrass you in front of your crush or something, while trying to help you.” she admits. 

as he continues talking and the mood switches, milan changes her demeanor; while still positive and open, she too calms down. as she passes him some chopsticks, she keeps her gaze on him and nods. “i’m not a psychic, please.” she denies with a headshake a small smile. “i think the bootcamp has been putting a lot of us under stress, it’s like a pressure cooker and everybody is slowly reaching their limit.” the young woman says gently. “i know the summer has been rough on you, and to step in this right away… i can’t imagine how you guys must feel.” she continues, referring to the future dreams trainee. she reaches out and rubs his back softly to soothe him. “how about we starting eating and you tell me all about what goes through your mind?” she suggests.

Teddy sometimes forgets that people who aren’t his sister care about him. He can’t help but assume that he’s the one caring about his friends, that he thinks about them, and they never think about him. But, as he has been many times before, he’s proven wrong. This meal, while not in any way fancy, means more to him than some expensive restaurant dinner. Milan had gone to so much trouble to bring all this to him, and he almost feels tearful. He accepts, in that moment, that Milan cares about him and his wellbeing, and the thought alone makes something swell in his chest. It had been a difficult few months for him, and somehow, only knowing the very surface of Teddy’s problems, Milan had known that he just needed someone to step in and remind him to take a few breaths and eat, something he’d been forgetting to do recently with how stressed he’d become about the bootcamp. 

“I’d rather have a fairy godmother I already like than one I don’t know at all.” There’s a little too much truth to his words—if Teddy was entirely honest, ever since their Disney trips in Tokyo and California he’d been hoping that he and Milan could grow closer. It isn’t often that he finds someone who he feels he doesn’t have to look up to. Not height-wise, or even skill-wise, but there’s just something about Milan that feels comfortable, despite her being older than him. “I don’t need help embarrassing myself in front of my crush, I already do that enough myself. What’s a little bit more embarrassment?” He smooths over the sharp pain of talk of crushes with a forced smile. His most recent foray into romance had not ended well for him, and he’d all but sworn off it now. He didn’t need the distractions anyway. 

Taking the chopsticks from Milan, Teddy slumps a little more. With each passing minute more and more of the pent up tension in his shoulders melts out, the smell of the ramen like a warm blanket over them. They’re hidden in their fort of tastebud-tempting aroma, warm and safe for now. “Mmmm... Sometimes I wonder if it would’ve been worse to make it all the way to the end of Future Dreams, and then not get anything... Right now I’m still on the side of ‘going out first is the worst’. It was... just embarrassing on top of disappointing.” His voice is much smaller now, shrouded beneath a blanket of lingering misery surrounding the subject. He leans towards her a little as she rubs his back, then nods at her suggestion. He picks up his chopsticks and slowly uncovers his own bowl, the steam rising and hitting him in the face. “You really are my knight in shining armour.” He grins at her, before mixing up the ramen a bit and then lifting some to his mouth. 

𝙹𝙸𝚂𝙾𝙾​:

something is out of balance in the grand scheme of things. it all occurs before jisoo truly has time to process it, and his eyes are on teddy in front of him, nothing else truly, because despite him not being the one who is having an attack, he’s within the scope of the situation, and thank goodness for his subconscious moving in to action before his mind has followed up, because his instincts kick in. a full body rush, in a way, where it feels as if he’s searing. all he wants to do is ensure that he can do his best to soothe the other, who honestly looks as if the world is spiraling around him, and if he can evoke stability, and channel that to him, well - he’ll do just that.

but also, there’s something in his mind that tells him not to close teddy in either because that’s probably the last thing you need when you’re drowning on dry land. his hand is on the nape of teddy’s neck, trying to soothe him with gentle pats. “it’s okay, teddy. steady, steady.” there’s the hope that his actions are appropriate because he’s not personally experienced a panic attack before nor has he had anyone have one around him before. but he does wish he could just scoop him up and will everything away.

and the thing is, jisoo knows he can’t be a mind reader. all he can do is the best that he can, and hopefully it’s enough. wrapping his arms around the other’s shoulders, he is trying to pass on the feeling of being anchored without being suffocating. the silence is a bit dreadful, the inability to know what was going on through teddy’s mind is bothering him but it’s not about him right now. it’s absolutely not. “i’m here for you,” hoping the words go through, returning the grasp on his hand when they’re found.

the mental clock ticks, and he’s not sure how much time has passed. with the time that has mulled, jisoo has had time to think, to prepare a statement ready for teddy when they’re able to talk again, because he knows the way the other operates. and there’s nothing to feel ashamed of, and jisoo knows how disappointing it can be when things don’t turn out the way they want it to. after all, if he has to look in the mirror, he knows why he didn’t pursue university, and why he didn’t have the gall to stay training as an idol. honestly. he thinks teddy’s so damn brave for trying. 

“hey, you’re fine. whatever you’re thinking right now, it’s probably not true.”  jisoo only has a smile to offer, in the delicacy of this moment. whatever he had pre-determined to say completely goes out of his head and he says whatever is on his mind right now, as he moves to rub away at the wetness from teddy’s face, hoping no more follow. “you alright? want water? or… want to talk? or not talk? i’m not going to force you, and we don’t have to talk about it now, but…. if not now, i will want to talk about it with you later.” it sounds like such an ultimatum, and he shakes his head, it not being what he wanted to convey. “i mean, so that nothing gets mixed up or assumed. but all things, seriously-  i’m glad you came to find me. i would rather you not go through this alone.”

The aftermath of a panic attack always feels like an empty ache all over, as though all this emotion inside him had suddenly flooded out and left him raw and sensitive all over, like he’d been rubbed all over with sandpaper. His immediate thought is that he just wants to lie down and go to sleep, to let dreams wash over him and clear the debris of the last few minutes, so that he can wake up to a new day, when things don’t feel as awful. But, he’s not at home, and he’s not with Hyeji, his usual safety blanket at times like these, and he’s not yet sure how Jisoo feels about what just happened—the thought alone makes his entire body flinch instinctively, preparing for the worst. 

Jisoo’s saying a lot, and Teddy tries his best to keep up. He waits, taking in what Jisoo’s saying before responding. He feels sluggish and ill-equipped to function in a social setting right now, especially in front of Jisoo. He doesn’t want him to see him like this—weak and sad. Above all, Teddy hates people seeing him sad. He wants people to think of him as a happy person, who always shines like the sun, not someone who does this. There’s that shame, he realises, sitting heavy in what had previously been nothing but emptiness inside. “Water... please.” He finally answers. His mind, thankfully, remains mostly empty, as if someone had turned on white noise to dampen it all down. 

𝚂𝙾𝚁𝙸​:

               obviously sori has feelings, she isn’t a robot, though quite a lot of times it does feel like that: as if she has no feelings, as if she’s a robot. it’s not entirely on purpose she’s so emotionless, she just sees the world from what she would call ‘a logical perspective’. she doesn’t care about hurting people’s feelings, she’s straight-forward, will be telling you the truth no matter what. for her it’s weird people can keep up this ‘it’s all going to be okay’ façade, when often logical speaking, saying ‘it’s all going to be okay’ does not mean it’ll all be okay. there’s no guarantee in life that it’ll be okay, you have to ‘expect the unexpected’ and for sori that’s just way easier when she confronts the truth right away. why would she tell someone that it’ll all be okay when that’s a promise she can’t keep? promises are stupid anyways, because life doesn’t work according to how you want it to work, so why would you promise something when with life being how it is, there’s a chance you cannot keep that promise.

pessimist would some call her, tell her that her view on life is ‘pessimistic’. it’s not ‘pessimistic’ in any way, it’s logical. you can’t just expect good things and a nice future, but you can try working for it. and the other way around too, you can’t stop bad things from happening, but you can try to prevent it from happening. and if some bad stuff does happen, you can treat that, use it as a learning experience or something. 

and when she saw teddy falling, originally she hadn’t been planning on helping, because she’s a busy girl. but teddy and her have met before, he knows her name, and though sori doesn’t care much for gossip, it would be incredibly annoying with some rumor about sori just leaving people alone when they’re hurt. and besides that, she feels like teddy isn’t the smartest, it might just have been a fall, but who knows, he’d might be capable of getting it infected and stuff. and she does have a first aid kit with her all the time, and it’ll be quick, so she doesn’t leave teddy alone after he’s fallen. 

“if you want to become a better dancer, a quick tip would be to learn how to walk first” she sits next to him, finds her small first aid kit. “how’d you manage to fall, it didn’t seem like you were doing something more extraordinary than walking”. “i’ll put salt water into your wound, it’ll hurt, but don’t cry on me” and there doesn’t go much more than a second before she’s pouring salt water into his wounds.

                                                                                   GO ! @lgcteddy​

To say Teddy is sensitive these days would be an understatement. Life had well and truly given Teddy a kick in the teeth lately. It’s not fair, frankly, that Teddy, who’s always so bright, and cheerful, had been knocked down to the very depths of stress and sadness over the course of the last few months. First, Future Dreams had left him rattled, embarrassed, worried for his future, and then he’d been shipped off to Japan and America, where his sister had been thousands of miles out of reach, and then she’d gone and switched companies, leaving him all alone at Legacy. Things had then only gotten worse after he’d come to the realisation he had to crush the little flower of affection on his heart for a certain someone, and finally just move on. Things had been, to say the least, awful. 

So, when he trips, falls, and scrapes his knee on the ground, it’s just another bad thing to add to his growing list of misery. It’s not like he particularly cares about the jeans with the knees quickly wearing down, or the fact that they’ve now, likely, got blood smeared across the inside of them, but just being hurt brings tears to his eyes. It’s not the pain, even. It’s just the accumulation of everything bad that had been happening to him recently bubbling up to his tear ducts and quickly, before he can stop them, overflowing. To make matters worse, Sori appears, someone who, frankly, scares Teddy a little. She isn’t a warm person, at least not in his experience, and as she talks, he’s assured of that fact. 

Hurriedly, he sniffles, trying to stop himself crying. He’d pulled his pants leg up to see the damage done to his knee (completely skinned—already bleeding), and now he tugs on the cuff of his sweater to rub at his cheeks and eyes, trying to dry his tears. He’s a grown man, he shouldn’t be crying over a scraped knee; it’s embarrassing. He’s not sure if Sori is joking, or if she’s genuinely being a bit mean, but he decides to believe the former—the latter might just make him cry more. He’s about to respond, then the searing pain of the salt water makes him clamp his mouth shut and grit his teeth, closing his eyes and biting back and whine. After a second, the pain subsides and he opens his eyes, and tentatively thanks her. 

𝚈𝙾𝙷𝙰𝙽​:

outings, with @lgcteddy​

          yohan knew teddy enjoyed his little adventures out, so when he asked him to join him on his next one, who was he to say no? yohan hadn’t really been too far out of seoul in the last few years, so he didn’t quite know what to expect from the little outing, but he trusted teddy and from the pictures he’d seen and storied he’s told him, it sounded rather peaceful. very therapeutic, if he was honest. he was thankful he had some time off, even if it was just the rest of the saturday, because it meant he could spend a little more time with those close to him, to practice more (even if the purpose of giving some of the trainees time to do whatever they wanted, yohan still wanted to devote some of that time to improving himself), and so he could pick up a few more hours at work.

          but today, he decides to spent his free time with teddy, because honestly, he missed the younger and being able to spend some time with him would give him some relaxation he probably needed a little. the bus ride was a couple hours, nothing too much but yohan spends that time chatting to teddy and sharing an airpod with the younger, volume low so they could still hear each other.

          when they arrive, yohan’s surprised. he didn’t expect the scenery to look like this, and he wonders what took him so long to come with teddy on his little adventures. one of the first things he does is pull out his phone to take a few pictures before trailing after, eyes darting around trying to take in as much of the place as he could.

          “ted, how did you find this place?” yohan asks in a curious tone, intrigued to see how he found it. there was no way it was a well known place, so he wonders how he stumbled across it. yet when they come across a beautifully looking forest, yohan feels like he’s in a game. 

It’d been a while since Teddy had been out in nature. The weather had turned since last time he’d set foot out here. The farms in the distance are a lot less busy now, with the big harvest season having passed. He doesn’t know much about real farming, but he assumes they push on through the winter months nowadays, with artificial lighting and vitamins pumped into the soil. Not like the good old days when people hunkered down for the winter and waited out the colder months... Maybe the good old days weren’t so good after all. But the landscape is still just as pretty as it was last time he was here. There’s a frost settled atop the grass, the overcast day not letting the dewdrops evaporate. The trees, bare now, stretch like skeletal fingers into the grey sky, but they link with the fingers of their friends either side of them, and Teddy beams.

Reaching over to Yohan he easily takes his hand, shoving it into his pocket with his own to keep it warm. “A while back, I missed the forest so bad I thought about running away. I couldn’t think of anything other than sitting in the grass with my feet in a stream, watching ants carry little crumbs to their homes, and feeling tiny fish and tadpoles tickle my toes. So, instead of running away, I just looked for forests around Seoul, far enough away that the city doesn’t overshadow it, and I got on a train. It took a few trips to find the best forest, but I found this place, and I like to come here when I have time to spare. Isn’t it peaceful?” As he walks, the trees close in around them more, and the only sound is the crunch of leaves beneath their feet and the slight whistle of the wind through the branches overhead. The birds had all flown south already, so their birdsong doesn’t add to the backing track like it did last time. 

“Y’know, I only bring my most favourite people here.” His fingers squeeze Yohan’s in the depths of his pocket, and he beams at him, glad he’d agreed to accompany him. He’d needed this—time away from the stress of trainee life with someone he felt entirely comfortable around. Teddy knew he needed to take his mind off of the stresses of recent events, recent realisations, and decisions. He’d been putting all his focus on his training, but it’d drained all the happiness from him, and he was beginning to forget who he really was when he wasn’t exhausted and stressed and terrified that his life would fall apart at any moment. The forest tends to help with those worries. It brushes them under the carpet of leaves until all that’s left is the very bare bones of a person. 

𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝟐𝐊𝟐𝟐 ! 𝙱𝙴𝙰𝚄𝚃𝚈 𝚁𝙾𝙾𝙼𝚂

𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇-𝐔𝐏 // 𝙾𝙲𝚃. 𝟸𝟿𝚃𝙷 Teddy doesn’t know anything about makeup …

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐀 ! 𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚞𝚙 …

Teddy had escaped the party for a moment, hoping to take his Pooh Bear hood down and cool off a little, but somehow had ended up in a pretty pink room with flowers and lights and an abundance of makeup. Now, Teddy knows pretty much nothing about makeup (other than that it’s pretty easy to ruin—unfortunately for his sister, he’d found that out too late), so he’s both intrigued, and entirely at a loss as to what the room is for. Oh, right. He recalls the events makeup brand sponsorship, and how they’re allowed to use the makeup to try it out. Teddy never wears makeup, both because he knows he’d look like a clown if he tried to do his own, and because he doesn’t see any need for it right now. He’s blessed with perfectly clear skin, and the only thing he’s ever had to worry about was dark circles under his eyes from forgoing sleep in favour or practise. 

𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝟐𝐊𝟐𝟐 ! 𝚃𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝚆𝙴𝙴𝙺

𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐒 // ~ 𝙾𝙲𝚃. 𝟸𝟺-𝟸𝟾 Teddy has no idea what’s going on …

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐃 ! 𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎 '𝙾𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚔𝚎' 𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚐 …

Huh?! Teddy knew he should’ve paid more attention in Chinese class in school, because he doesn’t have much of a clue what this person is saying. He’d been made aware that he would be given a challenge, and wouldn’t be able to go until he’d completed it, but the challenge is being given to him in Mandarin, and Teddy can’t really speak a word of it. He’s going to have to rely on miming stuff to figure out what he’s got to do, but if he has to say anything in Mandarin, he’s going to be stuck here forever. He’ll grow old here, in this very corridor, because he cannot, for the life of him, remember more than the very basics. 

To: max n cheese

“i did technically go back to the dorms” milan admits. “but they are just one building away, so it was easy to come back” she shrugs at the end of her explanation. they might be far from their usual grounds, milan has to admit that the site is quite convinient when it comes to distances. she also has no risk of getting lost here. 

the intruder thanks the younger boy as he takes some of her load. from the tone of his voice, he seems to not be familiar with the term. “yes! they says that eating a super spicy meal helps release built up stress and makes one feel refeshed. and i don’t know about you, but this bootcamp has been stressing me out a lot!” she might have not fully disclosed her reasons for doing this, she also isn’t lying about the impact of the bootcamp on her stress level.

getting teddy’s approval of her plan, milan happily sits on the floor in the middle of the practice rooms and gestures to the other trainee to come join her. she chuckles at his next words. “maybe i’m your fairy godmother or something” she jokes. while talking she finishes the last preparation of their spicy meal; for each other them, a steaming bowl of spicy ramen is already prepared, she then divides ddeokbukki in between the two bowls, making sure to add the spicy sauce in both of them, she then cuts two spicy sausages in smaller pieces to add to her preparation and stir the contents until well mixed. finally, she add cheeses on top of it and closes the lids of the soup, using chopstick to hold them in place. “this is my secret recipe. i’d add other things usually but that should do.” she smiles at her friend. “so, tell me, what’s been going on lately?”

“Why did you come back?” He asks instinctively—whenever he gets back to the dorms after practise it’s all he can do not to collapse onto his bed still clothed. He has to force himself to get washed and changed before he falls face first into bed and doesn’t stir until morning. The bootcamp has been taking a lot out of him, but he doesn’t mind; he’s eager to prove he’s willing to work his butt off to succeed. When he does have a spare minute to himself, he sneaks into the vocal practise rooms and sits at the piano, purely playing and singing for himself, just to unwind a little before he has to get his nose back to the grindstone. 

“Oh, that makes sense, I guess.” Flopping down opposite her, he sits criss-cross and leans his elbows on his knees, inspecting the food Milan has brought with her. He’s stunned at all the effort she’d gone to to make the ramen and then somehow bring it all over to the practise rooms. “I’m definitely in need of stress-relief. If I get anymore stressed I think I’ll condense into a soot sprite! And then you’ll have to hide your shoes or me and my soot sprite buddies will steal them.” As he speaks, he watches her prepare the food, only then realising just how hungry he is; he’d skipped dinner to get more practise in. 

𝚃𝙴𝙴​:

Having been a trainee for so long now, Tee was used to performing. Even before he moved to Korea to become a trainee, he was performing back in Thailand as a dancer. Performing, by now, was a part of him. Otherwise, why would he choose this career path? He hadn’t always been this confident or comfortable when performing. When he’d first moved to Korea and had to start performing in Korean, well, he had been nervous and it had shook him. Becoming an idol meant that Tee had to pick up either singing or rapping and he’d chosen the latter. This was probably the worst choice for him since it meant he had to not only speak Korean but also do it fast. He really should have chosen singing.

He’d never thought of himself as that much of a performer. He couldn’t understand why people thought he was. Still, he appreciated their kind words and thoughts and tried to take it as encouragement that he’s doing at least something right. So when Teddy had asked for his help, Tee had agreed. In fact, he felt a little honoured that he had been the one Teddy had thought of. He could tell just by watching the other that there was something holding him back and he guessed from personal experience what that was. He felt the same when he sang. He held himself back by his self doubts and lack of confidence when singing. He only hoped that he would be able to help Teddy in some way but Tee wasn’t sure he was the best teacher if he was being honest.

❛ First of all, stop thinking. When you’re performing, you need to stop thinking and just feel. You’re thinking too much and so it’s showing. When you’re performing, you need to stop thinking about looking convincing and that you look dumb or stupid because that’s going to be what you end up looking like. ❜ He placed a comforting hand on Teddy’s shoulder and softened his tone. ❛ I understand where you’re coming from because I do the same thing when singing but after a few times of being told I was holding myself back I had to think about what they were saying and I was. My own self doubts and focus on my image held me back from performing. You need to focus on the moves and the music and your body and performance will follow. If you feel confident in the moves then you’ll look confident on the stage. ❜ He smiled softly.

Teddy’s grateful for the help, especially from someone so good. Though he’s unsure if even good advice can fix Teddy feeling entirely unsexy and awkward when doing such a cool song like 2 Baddies. He can easily pull off cuter concepts, boy next door and schoolboy type things, but when it comes to sexy, or cool, or dark concepts he simply can’t do it. Teddy isn’t a cool, sexy, or dark person at all, and he thinks that’s where the issue is—Teddy doesn’t know how to be cool, or sexy. Even the thought of trying to look sexy makes him blush. Of course, he’s not a child, and he’s no innocent, he’s just entirely inexperienced, and unsure of himself and what he’s capable of. 

“But, how can I feel cool and sexy? The dance part is fine, I can do the moves just fine, but I just... I feel silly trying to hip-thrust!” He exclaims, even blushing at the word. “I just don’t know how to make the right expressions, or put enough power in the right places without crumpling to an embarrassed heap on the ground!” As soon as Teddy had seen the dance he’d have to learn he’d felt like he might throw up with nerves. He knew instantly that he’d not be able to pull off this concept. “I don’t feel confident, though.” He mumbles, running his hands through his hair then sighing and staring at himself in the mirrored-wall again. 

PRACTISE ROOM, DEBUT BOOTCAMP — [ NOV. ‘22 ] Teddy is taught performance tips by TEE PONGSAK …

If there’s one thing Teddy trips up on, it’s performing. In the practise room, he can get the expressions down, can look comfortable, and like he’s having fun. But then, when he’s in front of a crowd of people, that all falls apart and Teddy goes right back to looking like he’s about to cry. He still hasn’t figured out where it all comes from, and he’s beginning to wonder if perhaps he’s just broken, and he’s not meant to be an idol after all. But, he simply can’t give up. This is his dream and he doesn’t have a backup plan. He never wanted to plan for possibly not making it—he doesn’t want to think about that possibility. 

But there’s someone he knows that excels at performing. Tee isn’t a singer, like Teddy, where he focuses too much on his singing, and not enough on his other skills, but damn he’s an incredible performer, and Teddy wishes he could be like that. So, he’d (very nervously) asked Tee for help one day during their dance class. He can’t get the expressions right for 2 Baddies—in fact, Teddy can’t get anything about the dance right. He feels awkward and overwhelmed. He’d been sure, as soon as he’d seen the dance, that he’d not be able to do it, and that lack of belief in himself had, he thinks, begun to hold him back. He felt stupid doing the dance, and was nearly at the point of bursting into tears every time he looked at himself dancing. 

DEBUT BOOTCAMP 001  POST TYPE: STARTER FOR @lgcteddy TITLE: SPICY THERAPY

S T R E S S. this is the word of the moment for milan. this whole bootcamp thing hadn’t been what milan expected. she doesn’t know what she expected, but she definitely didn’t expect so much focus on dancing and a whole two week dedicated at mastering a dance to audition to be a back dancer of senior. as much as she loves and admires honey, the trainee cannot help but think that this is not what she signed up for (and yes, she didn’t know what she had signed up for however…).

but after a couple of weeks of this bootcamp, she now knows better! she has experience, she’s a verteran… she’s ready! and that means that she has stashed plenty of snacks and spicy food in her suitcases for the coming week. in fact, as she makes her way through the facility late in the evening and peeks at each windowed door, her arms are full of spicy snacks; ramen, ddeobukki, sausages, potato chips and so much more. most bowls are hot, which makes the enterprise a little more complicated, still a satisfied smile graces her features. 

the young woman is looking for a specific person. a person who hasn’t been doing their best for a couple of months now. just like during the summer, milan is aware that she cannot solve his issues, but she can help cheer him up a little. finally, after checking a couple of rooms, she finds where teddy is practicing alone. using her elbow, she manages to get the door to open. “teddy bear~” she calls him as she lets herself in - with much difficulty due to everything she’s holding -  "wanna join in on my spicy pick me up therapy?“ she asks him, as if this is all a coincidence, as if she didn’t look for him purposely.

Teddy’s expecting a late night, again. He’s used to it by now—staying behind while everyone else goes home. He needs to do well after the debacle of Future Dreams—he doesn’t even want to think about it. So, here he is, still dancing long after the suns gone down and everyone else has gone back to the dorms. Teddy’s body aches by now, but he’s not good at stopping until either his body, or his minds, gives out and he’s forced to head back to the dorms for a few hours of sleep before the new day begins again and he’s back on the grind. He’s got a terrible work-life balance, and he knows it, but if he wants to make it in this world, he needs to work his butt off. 

 He’s midway through the dance for Cupid when the door suddenly opens and he sees the reflection of it in the mirror, he almost jumps out of his skin, tripping over his own foot and stumbling to a stop, cheeks reddening with embarrassment at this reaction. “Milan! Why are you here so late? I thought everyone had gone back to the dorms.” As he speaks, he’s already making his way over to help lessen the burden of all the food in her arms. “Spicy pick me up therapy?” He asks, as though the meaning isn’t entirely clear. He thinks for a moment about how he’d still not perfected the dance, how he still had to sort out his expressions and the finer details, and his shoulders slump a little.