Harry Potter, the Bi Who Lived

Okay, I think i have it now and i appreciate it.

I’ve just made a bet against my Dad that if this post gets 2 million notes then i can get a Puppy. [like the one underneath]

I didn’t realise how much 2 million was and i couldn’t take that number down now. It should look like 2,000,000 in the notes bar.

He’s convinced that this will never reach that number, and very confident about it so Let’s prove him wrong!! He thinks this will get about 25 notes beofre it’s left in the dust.

You don’t have to do it for me. But for the point and to prove him wrong. He has to pay and everything so let’s make him suffer with it!!

I’m counting on you!!!

@deathsmallcaps @aro-space-case @thedevilseyes @a-bisexual-teenager @anywaystheworld @clintwaffle @comatosecats @derinthescarletpescatarian @dantedeletes @funnyordie @glumshoe @gayarsonist @hecho-a-mano @just-shower-thoughts @kangaroo-rats @newtonpermetersquare @pixelsheadspace @roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it @staff @xx-rayne-or-shine-xx

@callmemichie @maritasdump @slytherinlesbian3

Janus: Don't you mean 'inevitable'?

Remus: *spits out a bunch of coins*

Hp characters and their rooms: the golden trio 

Ultimate security as Harry is the only one capable of opening it. 

Myrtle proudly spending her time acting as a guard/lookout. 

Later, Harry diligently teaching Ron, Hermione, and a few choice others, like Neville, how to mimic parseltongue so that they can open it too. 

Muggleborns experiencing vicious satisfaction that they’re using this chamber as a place of education and defense, reclaiming the very space Slytherin built to rid the school of their presence. 

Hermione methodically dismantling the basilisk’s corpse, covertly selling the priceless ingredients to potion masters, using the funds to continue their work - buying books and battle robes and new wands for those who can’t afford it. 

(Hermione saving a portion of those ingredients for her own research, straightening in triumph when she learns what basilisk venom does to horcruxes, knowing she has vials of it hidden up in her room). 

Harry reverently adding the Chamber of Secrets to the Marauder’s Map, proudly continuing his family’s work and reveling in the difference they’re making. 

Ginny is the one who suggests using the Chamber. Of course she is. Harry isn’t the type to think of that, but for Ginny… for Ginny the Chamber still haunts her dreams, too often, and she’s furious that a part of the castle is restricted to her - a part of her home that she wants to avoid. She suggests the Chamber, partly for the DA’s benefit, mostly for her own. 

Visibility is a concern - what if someone sees them going into the girl’s restroom? They think it’s a serious issue until Ron starts laughing. No one comes near that bathroom anymore, he says. Not ever. It was barely an issue while brewing a month long polyjuice potion, Ron and Harry popping in and out to add ingredients or to stir. Now though? Now that Myrtle has stepped up her game (shrieking, flooding the room if someone unwanted comes near), now that Hogwarts is infused with rumors that Harry fought a basilisk right in there, now that the nearby corridor still has a bloody, horrifying message that even the professors haven’t been able to erase*… well, students avoid the area like the plague. 

Even if they didn’t, the House Elves help them out. Dobby did, after all, suggest the Room of Requirement before Ginny brought up the Chamber. Who better than the workers who see but are not seen to help the DA keep watch? 

The castle helps too. By now it knows Harry and desperately wants to protect its students. More than once Umbridge follows a DA member, only to find the staircase moving unexpectedly, taking her in another direction entirely. Sometimes there’s even a door directly beside the lavatory - appearing out of nowhere - that students can slip inside if they feel the need… 

Getting out is the other concern. At first they think to bring brooms or levitate one another out… but that’s just not practical. Then, one of the Hufflepuffs asks the obvious and yet oddly illusive question: how did Salazar get out? They start a search and by the end of the day they’ve found at least four hidden exits. 

One exit leads out into the Forbidden Forest, a space that’s not nearly as terrifying as it once was. Harry speaks quietly to Firenze and secures the help of the centaurs for when they need safe passage late at night. One day they encounter a group of acromantulas… and Harry learns of Hagrid’s strict new rule - friends of Hagrid are never food, no matter how easy the prey. The students don’t realize it, but they’re slowly gaining allies. Those in the forest begin to take notice of the children who walk both bravely and respectfully through their trees. 

(And one day when they’re too tired to walk back, a familiar blue car pulls up and throws open its doors. Ron cheers like a maniac. Ginny laughs and threatens to tell their dad). 

Though the exists are great, it’s Hermione who realizes the Chamber’s true benefit - it lies outside of Hogwart’s apparition zone. How can it not? Godric, Helga, and Rowena didn’t know of its existence when they first made the wards. So now the DA can go with ease, they just can’t pop in from anywhere else in the castle. Which is, admittedly, perfect. Apparition lessons begin in earnest. 

(And during the Battle of Hogwarts, DA members take Slytherin students by the hand - those who wouldn’t, couldn’t, fight their own families. They take them down to the Chamber and tell them to apparate out. Leave while you still can. Keep safe). 

 Harry realizing that parseltongue is easily imitated and coming up with an actual password that has to be spoken, one linked to a spell too. It helps that the snakes around the entrance are semi-sentient and are loyal to their new master. They know who’s meant to go down there and who’s not. 

Neville joking one day that they should be learning how to use swords, considering that’s how the original battle down here was won. Harry takes it seriously. Not the swords bit, but using physical/muggle fighting techniques on wizards who are too reliant on their magic. They begin reading up on hand-to-hand combat and knives. 

Harry needing to test their progress and getting a really stupid idea… but honestly, those often work out in his favor. So one sunny, Saturday morning - when everyone else is lounging outside - Harry sneaks the DA into the third floor corridor. Fluffy is gone, as is the mirror, but the rest remains, no doubt left in case Dumbledore ever had to guard something else precious. Hermione, Ron, and Harry spend the day supervising, teaching their peers how to react under pressure, think through situations, and rely on one another’s skills. 

And then one day things get weird (because they always do with Harry) when he realizes that the miniature chamber the basilisk was kept in is the only part of their hideout they’d yet to explore. See, given their rarity, it’s unsurprising that wizardkind knows so little about basilisks - not that they reproduce asexually or that only a parseltongue can hatch the egg. So when Harry crawls into the chamber, and finds a strange egg-like object nestled there, that begins pulsing a soft green color in his presence, and when he basically says, “What the hell…?” out loud, and when it comes out in parseltongue because he is surrounded by snake things…well, let’s just say a few minutes later Harry crawls back out, very sheepish, a baby basilisk cooing around his neck. He laughs pretty shakily and mutters something about finding their mascot. 

(And they name the beast - because of course they do - and Hermione invents a soft device to cover its eyes and feeding it is an absolute horror… but they do grow to love their ‘mascot.’ And during the Battle - when Harry is off in the forest and Hogwarts is losing badly - no one is more surprised than the Death Eaters when Ron and Hermione come tearing out of the school riding a goddamn fully grown basilisk. Hermione rips off the cover on its eyes and sets to work). 

harry can’t duel

harry cannot duel

he only uses expelliarmus and he cannot duel

“He’s Harry Potter!”

“I know but that doesn’t change the fact-”

“Harry! Freaking! Potter!”

“We still need him to attend extra duelling lessons-”

“We can’t put Harry Potter in extra duelling lessons!”

“He only ever uses one spell-”

They nearly invented wolfsbane potion two decades early before the cauldron gave way and it seeped through the floor, giving a classroom full of Slytherins puppy-like traits for a day.

They tried to create a new protective spell that would prevent splinching, but when they tested it out, it turned them all a shimmering gold for a week. People assumed it was in anticipation of the approaching gryffindor-slytherin game, and James got in trouble for trying to distract from the snitch. They tried it again over the summer and found that it worked.

When Mary caught dragonpox and was in hospital for nearly a month, they tried to formulate a cure for her– but one of the ingredients got away and started reproducing in the dungeon.

Eventually, the marauders got so tired of trying to explain that these weren’t meant to be pranks that they decided to use their reputation as mischief makers as cover, even going so far as to pull a few pranks in between their experiments “just to maintain the facade.”

Arthur is the Head of an ancient House and also a Ministry department where he is pretty much unquestioned. (Bc the purists are ignoring him. Likely because they cannot actually, politically, magically, nor physically remove him if he does not wish to go.) He is a damn genius for enchantments and charms, constantly undoing the spellwork of others as his day job. And his hobbies involve placing incredibly complex magic on incredibly complex muggle contraptions. He learned to charm the Ford Angela without the help of muggles. I think he may have been on the verge of an epiphany with his collection of batteries. Storing energy? To make up for the lack of an ability to conduct magic at a whim? Genius. The man meets a kid raised as a muggle and immediately asks him to clarify the purpose of an item he didn’t understand. He never dismisses children as not smart. And that’s just the father, who has served in two domestic wars and survived.

Molly is an unsung war hero herself. Which is buried by the fandom. She herself wields charms and enchantments like a proper story time witch. Disney’s version of Merlin had less skill, honestly. She survived two wars and seven pregnancies. She has, seemingly, lost her entire family. Only her brothers are mentioned and that’s because they themselves died taking out death eaters. She is, to our knowledge, the only surviving Prewitt. Molly has fed an underground resistance movement. She has clothed and cared for them and provided a solid sense of stability. And that’s just the second war, where she was constantly reminded of all she lost in the first one. God only knows how much she fought and helped in the first war. Judging by how fucking deadly she was in the last battle and how capable she is before and how capable her children were, I’m willing to be she wrecked shop every time she entered the scene.

Bill is a prodigy of ward magic, which I logically assume is connected to charms and enchantments. He’s so good that goblins, who have been shown to be reclusive and secretive at best, trust him to go into ancient tombs and bust them open without dying. Then he survives a werewolf attack with only a few side effects and scars. He’s probably also immune to veela charms? I’d believe it.

Charlie literally raises and cares after dragons. _DRAGONS_ The big ancient bitey fucks that fairy tales and table top games are made of. What little he’s shown, he’s incredibly competent and confident and that’s all the shit I expect of a man that became a dragon veterinarian.

Percy is a book smart tactical genius. He’s got some character flaws that are enhanced by Harry’s perspective, but he’s every bit his parents’ son and it shows in the end.

The twins are fucking lethal. Like, had they not been raised by Molly and Arthur, they would have been off the charts in terms of sheer damage. They are, individually, more Slytherin than Harry ever could have been. They were making weapons and tools for the resistance while they were still in school. You can’t tell me that the boys named after their heroic uncles didn’t have that in the back of their minds. “If everything goes to shit like it did back then, we’ll be ready.” Ready with tools for escape, magic to entangle and distract, spy gear the likes of which James Bond would die for.

Ron. Brave, intelligent, stalwart, headstrong Ronald. The first friend Harry ever had and it wasn’t because of timing or being in the right place or even Harry. Ron saw a kid worse off than him, lost and scrawny, and was like “Someone needs to help him.” And he fucking did. He, like every brother before him, found his calling. Fourth year showed us exactly what he could have been doing instead of risking his life all the time. He could have been a bro with Seamus and Dean and just been a background character. He was not required to risk his life time after time. He has a family that he was loyal to, even when they made him feel like he wasn’t enough. But he actively chose to be loyal to Harry, again and again. No matter the cost. And every time he left, he came back further convinced that being beside Harry was the right and good thing. But even outside of Harry, he’s so fucking smart. Unmotivated sometimes. Frank to the point of offense other times. But intelligent. It wasn’t just chess or playing Keeper. He made damn good grades and became a prefect and it wasn’t just for shits and giggles. He was damn good.

And Ginny. The best of the fucking best. Cream of the crop. The Phoenix herself. Sneakier than the twins, sharper than Percy, bold face braver than Charlie or Ron, more magically gifted than Bill, and confident in herself in all that she did. A resistance fighter before she even left school. A friend to the lost just like Ron, but even less of an occasional asshole. We didn’t deserve her, but no one (except maybe Luna) ever could.

Hufflepuff: What’s up with them?

Slytherin: Gryff lost a bet so now they have to pay Raven every time they say something stupid.

Hufflepuff: What was the bet?

Slytherin: *confused*

Gryffindor: I know, this quarantine taking forever

Gryffindor: yeah, be nice to me, ugly

Slytherin: what the fuck Gryffindor??

Gryffindor: Huff said you need to be nice to me, not I need to be nice to you