starless eyes, for heavens sake

One day one of the other leaders saw me go to remove the cloth from my arm and said “do you want me to wet your rag for you?” Which I immediately said sounded like an old-timey euphemism.

My first conversation about PCOS with my new endocrine/OBGYN was about weight management and how that could improve my fertility when I eventually wanted kids. It wasn't asked what my goals were for my health or if I wanted kids, just assumed.

I was a hormonal, depressed mess. I hated my body. My body dysmorphia was so bad that I cloistered myself away from so much. I wore hoodies and jeans in the 90°F, 80% humidity summers. This was considered fine. I was given metformin and birth control pills and told this was all that could be done. That PCOS wouldn't affect my life until I wanted to be pregnant. I wasn't asked if I wanted to be pregnant, just assumed.

I don't know how many PCOS groups I joined on my early 20s hoping to find community and commonality for body dysmorphia and symptom management, only to be bombarded with fertility treatments and tips and 'inspirational conception' anecdotes. They never asked if I was attempting to conceive, just assumed.

There is absolutely a lot of truth to this. But the solution is not to punish boys more frequently or more strictly, but more accurately.

Boys grow up being punished all the time, but for all the wrong reasons.

He does something unmanly? He's harshly punished in order to make him afraid to even consider doing it again. He hurts girls in order to feel manly? Boys will be boys. He disregards authority figures' demands? He's harshly punished in order to make him afraid to even consider doing it again. He disregards girls' boundaries? Boys will be boys.

When he lives in constant fear of the tiniest slight being harshly punished, while he's able to be abusive to girls and be punished less if at all, he'll easily learn that abusing girls must not be that bad.

But one little girl was like “oh, it’s a musical about ME you say” and the character list was all the other girls in the class cast as her body parts, and a story about how her body works.

“Kaylee is nice so she will be the heart. Lily is my kidneys. Sapphire is the lungs.”

(i'm not saying i stand by this. but these were my feelings)

so anyway i had this vampire character, nell, who was very much the imaginings of an edgy 11 year old in neopets roleplays in 2002.

she was deeply obsessed with her human brother, who wanted nothing to do with her.

he was dating a guy who happened to be a werewolf, but he didn't know that.

so nell showed up one night to bother them both like "here i am. nathan's vampire sister."

and nathan's werewolf boyfriend, who did not know vampires existed, went back to his pack like, "you guys are NEVER gonna believe this."