I broke up with my best friend. That sentence itself seems like no big deal. Friendships aren’t given the standing that they should. No matter how shitty the friendship is causing you to end it, this person is still someone who was a major part of your life. They were your partner in crime, the Oreo to your milk and any other cheesy “BFF” clichés out there, and one day you wake up to realize that they’re no longer there.
Everything you do you’re going to want to tell them about – but oh wait, you can’t, they’re gone. And it always feels like there’s something you could have done, like the friendship didn’t have to end. This person could be the worst for you, but you still want them there because you can’t even begin to imagine your life without them by your side. You felt a genuine connection to this person’s soul that it feels like a part of you is gone.
I’m sure I’m not the only one to ever feel this way. It is a widely underrated topic and usually doesn’t get the same credit as romantic breakups, but I think that sometimes a friendship breakup is way worse. Going through this myself, I found it useful to follow steps on how to get through it. So without further rambling, here’s some steps I’ve gathered both from the internet and my own head on how to get over that person you once called your “best friend.”
Accept that it’s over. There’s nothing you could have done to fix it. You’ve already tried and it didn’t work out. There’s nothing that can still be done to fix it. What’s done is done. It’s over. It is indubitably over without any chance of it ever getting fixed. This person is no longer a part of your life and there is no way that they can ever be again.
Forgive. You can’t truly be over somebody if you hate him or her or are mad at him or her. You have to reach a state of being where the person no longer means anything to you. Their name no longer stirs any amount of emotion to you.
Delete them from your contacts. This may not work because you may have memorized their number by now, but it will draw back the temptation to contact them. If it’s tempting to look them up on facebook and see how good life without you is for them, then block them, because seeing that will not only be upsetting but will also tempt you to contact them.
Write a letter. I saw it on How I Met Your Mother when Ted has Barney write a letter to himself with why he shouldn’t get back together with Robin, and I got inspired to make one of my own, about my failed friendship. Mine personally contained a list of 25 reasons of why the friendship wasn’t a good one, and every time I have a temptation to contact her, I reread the list and contacting her no longer makes sense to me.
Do things good for you. It’s easy to lose yourself in mindless TV which leads to endless eating which leads to feeling gross which leads to feeling blue all over again when you meant to feel better. Instead, for me it worked to go to the gym more. Not only are you killing time and bettering your body, but you’re also releasing tons of serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter released during exercise that heightens mood. Basically, working out makes you a happy person, and happy people don’t mope around over losing best friends, but move on with their lives. Another tip would be eating a balanced diet.Balancing your diet with plenty of veggies and fruits helps you be on pointe mentally. There’s a lot of science behind it, but in laymen’s terms, eating a lot of junk food makes your mood go down.
Listen to good-for-you music only.Trust me – serenading yourself with sad songs is not the way to go. It makes things so much worse. Workout playlists are the perfect choice! They’re fast paced and tend to be motivational that leave you in a cheery mood. Be careful though, because you will undeniably stumble upon songs that remind you of your bestie. For me, the solution was changing genres. Giving a chance to a new genre I haven’t necessarily listened to before made it impossible to come across songs that we’ve experienced together.
Don’t seek closure. This video speaks to me. Maybe it will speak to you too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s03Sdky0nfY . Lets be real, closure is just an excuse to talk to the person and beg for things to work out. If all goes well and things work out, they’re only going to cycle through and end back at “suckville.” So it’s best to let it be and move on.
So there you have it! Those are just some tips and suggestions on things that have worked for me. And remember, you ended this friendship for a reason and you’re better for it.
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