HEY! I’M FINALLY DEAD!

i feel like we’re all a little bit too used to living in a world where elephants exist. what do you MEAN they do all that shit with their nose

eating? just use your nose to grab the food. drinking? suck up water in your nose and spray it in your mouth. holding things? good thing you have a nose. overheating? dont worry just splash some water or mud on yourself using-guess what its the fucking nose again. no one else does this

Languages tend to peak at their word for butterfly. Never seen 2 that are the same, either. Papillon. Mariposa. Borboleta. Fluture. Vlinder. Schmetterling. Pillangó. Babochka. Farfalla. Sommerfugl. Perhonen. Farasha. Titali. Chōchō. Nabi. Húdié. Buom buom. Great job guys, i really mean it.

hate when i get a password wrong and the browser goes "heyyyy :) do you want me to save those credentials you entered :)" like i am already humiliated why must you rub salt into that wound firefox

if they're gonna remake The Princess Bride, it should open with a kid sick in bed scrolling on his phone. his grandpa arrives with a gift--it's a DVD player with a disc already inside. grandpa hooks it up to the TV and presses play. and we all just watch the original 1987 film again.

hello my name is Stray Hair snd my big dream is to play the itsy bitsy spider on broadway. doyou mind if i practice on the side of your head.

i cant stop saying "im gonna smile" lately its really funny to me. cause saying it that way makes it sound like a threat or something. like fuck if you dont watch out im seriously gonna Smile . im seriously gonna fucking Grin myself

just saw the funniest thing on twitter where someone was broken up with bc they ate 7 croissants im CRYINGGGG

and for my favorite character: failed suicide attempt and erectile dysfunction

baseball players in the 20s were all named shit like Dipsy Doodle and Crunch Johnson

#they named them like cats in a shelter