#t4m

You know those barracks bunnies? Hot, attractive women who sleep with just about everyone in the dorm. You seem to be the only exception.

Too scared to show your body to a stranger, even as you hear the other men ramble on about what a sweet night they had. Just about everyone in Task Force had an encounter with one except you. Finally, in a drunken haze, Johnny questioned you at the bar through hiccups.

"Ayy.. Pukesiee, why dae niver sleep wi thaim bunnies? Psst.. ye embarrasit, or somethin?" He mused, poking at you while nursing his near empty glass. Before he could order another, Ghost smacked him.

You rolled your eyes. "I'm gay, dumbass."

There was a moment of processing in his eyes before he managed to click the pieces. In his utter stupidity, he then uttered

"Well if ye wantit a suck, ye coud've says sae!" He stood up, pulling you back to the bathrooms. "A swear A'm guid, chost says sae!" He pleas, puffing out his chest proudly. Ghost flushes under his mask as Gaz closes in to question him on the subject out of earshot.

Soap dragged you into the men's bathroom, sinking down to his knees, nuzzling against your crotch.

"Come on, ye can use me, A can tak whatever ye have for me.." He slurred out, unzipping your pants with his teeth, clenching the metal between his upper and lower front. You suddenly squirmed, pushing him back, alarming him.

"Ahh, ye alricht..? A'm sorry, didnae mean ta hurt ye.." He looks so sad, so stupid beneath you. It's turning you on horribly, and he can see the front of your boxers tent up. It confuses him.

"Soap, I can't.. I.."

You get nervous forcing the words out as he repositioned himself, wanting badly to lick at the tap of your pre but not knowing what you wanted.

"Issit tha' ye dinnae want tae have sex? it's fine if ye dinnae, ye know.."

You shook your head immediately, stuttering over your words, stammering out apologies as you fanned your flushed face. Watching you squirm was clearly doing something to him, and it didn't seem you wanted to not do this, so he began suckling at your tip through your boxers.

You couldn't help the higher pitched moan from ringing out, gripping onto his mohawk as you shook your head, panting. You wanted this, you really did, it felt so good having such a strong man worship you stupidly.

He slipped down to suck on your balls before getting confused at your lack. He grabbed your boxers and yanked them down, revealing your twitching tdick, still throbbing and moist with his saliva.

He touched your cunt, trying to find your testicles in his hazy vision, brain fucked up from confusion and alcohol.

"Where.. where are they? Where's yer balls?" He looked so stupid and you couldn't help the giggle despite the forming coil in your stomach.

"I.. I'm trans, Johnny. I don't have any balls.."

He looked up at you, idly nuzzling into your cock so stupid.

"Ye ain't hav' any..?"

"No.. none. I'm.." You gently pulled him off you. "I'm sorry to have disappointed you or offended you. I.. I can't do this with you.." The aching dysphoric coil kept building in your stomach, making you want to run away and hide, maybe find an empty grave and blend in with the skeletons. This handsome man who was willing to get you off is probably disgusted with you, and the only reason he's not trying to kill you for deceiving him and his team is the fact that he's drunk.

As you begin to pull up your pants, he snatches your wrist.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait! Ye're tellin me ye dinnae want me tae suck yer cock is because ye dinnae feel man enouch?" He questioned you, and you felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. You're honestly surprised he was able to recognize the situation in his drinking.

His hand slipped from you when you nodded, staring at you like you were dumber than he was.

"Ay, thon's juist plain stupid. Ye're stupid!" He pushes you back against the wall, pressing your warm cock against his cheek as he purrs. "Let me suck yer cock, ye oaf.."

He slips his plump lips over the tip of your cock, swirling his tongue around the tip and leaving a small kiss against the tip. His other hand slipped down to play with your pussy, two digits curling to locate your g-spot and placing pressure.

He began bobbing his head slowly, making sure to keep full eye contact with you through his cheeks hollowing and the obscene sounds his throat made re-enacting the role of a fleshlight for you. He purred when you covered your mouth, face flushed bright red as you gave in, rocking your hips back and forth through his mouth.

"Ye're such a guid man, doll. Coud pleasure ye aw day, niver get bored.., e'en if ma jaw hurt.."

As if to stand on the fact, he gripped your hips tightly, forcing his thick digits to scissor out your cunt, overstimulating your poor sensitive brain till you came all over his face.

Little brother who hid under their cool big brothers bed to scare them after school. Waiting for him to lay down before freaking him out.

Big brother who just got home and thinks he’s alone so he lays on his bed and begins to masterbate. Moaning out little brother’s name as he imagined taking him for himself. Not even knowing his little brother was right under him.

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Here are some of my hobbies!

•I love Arts and I LOVE painting or doing digital drawings mostly, but I'd love to try everything.

• I love video games as well! Low-key obsessed with Genshin impact..... Let's play together ! (Main acc in EU server but I have a baby acc in Asia) I really love Danganronpa as well 😋 I love cozy games, Pokemon games (as well as collecting cards!) and horror games the most!

• I enjoy listening to music sm and I lowk listen to lots of different types of songs 🥹 But I think my favourite artists are Cavetown, Seventeen (and kpop in general!), Ariana Grande, Ado, Stray kids, and I recently started to listen to Baby Bugs and Natori!

• I also watch Twitch/YouTube sometimes. I'd say my favourites are Shoto (vtuber), SMii7Y, Layze, Cam2r, Sora (FR) and Farod (FR) !

• Some of my favourite movies/TV shows are Dr.House, Bluey, South Park, Coraline, Gravity Falls, Star Butterfly, Pokemon, Cardcaptor Sakura and The summer Hikaru died (I love them sososososo much). AND I loooove reading Veil 🥹🫶🏻

• Not a hobby BUTTTTTT I have a beautiful, amazing prince at home aka my cat named Apollo and I love him!

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Taken anons : 🐑, cat hatter 🎩

Pls send anons I love anons 😾!

DNI IF :

•Under 15 / over 20

•MAGA, homophobic, transphobic, racist ect and disrespectful in general

•you're into incest/fauxcest, animals, kids/age play...

•only post/reblog 18+ stuff

•you want to impose your religion on me

I'll just block u anyway if I don't like how you behave 🤷🏻

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I don't know what else to say about me.......🥹

I'm a trans woman. I'm a woman. I became this way because it's who I am. And I think right now, in this moment, it doesn't feel like pain, it feels like love.

I've always been so hard on myself. I learned so much of being trans is pain. And it's true, but it doesn't have to come from within. There are pains that will come from within that I have to overcome, but those aren't self-inflicted. Those are different from the hurt that I allowed into my heart.

There's some stuff that back when I first saw it, and since I saw it again recently, that's been making my heart stir. The most prime one is @mush7221 's comics. They're so good. She's an amazing artist. I've been reblogging a shit ton today. They've been healing my heart in so many ways that I will expound upon shortly. I don't feel comfortable posting the images directly in here even with crediting so just... I've been reblogging them all day, just look at them on there.

I'm going to write explicitly about a lot of sexual assault here, a lot of which happened when I was underage. So. Be aware.

I'm gonna be jumping around a lot, so don't feel bad if you can't keep up or keep it straight, I'm just a bad writer.

I think I need to give my younger self some attention, some grace, some mourning, some sorrow, and some love. I'm sorry Sabrina. Or Roxanne. Or whatever your name is. Me. I'm sorry, me. I'm trying to learn to be nicer to you. I'm trying to learn how to love you. But I feel happy and sad and free right now. I feel so happy to be me. And I don't want this feeling to ever stop!

I know I've posted about Sailor Moon so much. I've heard people talk about who were characters that like, either "broke their egg" or even just made them feel a certain relatable-ness to begin with. I'm not sure I have quite that same relation, but the closest that I can think of is Usagi. Or I mean, when I watched the DiC dub growing up, Serena.(I did actually used to think about using this as my name, and it was because of her. Hilariously enough, I think part of why I didn't use it was because I hated Pokemon X/Y and that was the default name for the player character. How ridiculous I am.)

When I was a little girl, I thought so much about growing up to be like her. I found her clumsiness so relatable. How much she loves cute things and clothes. How easily she cries, and how hard she struggles just to get by. Rei was always the one that I admired and wanted to be like, but Usagi always felt the most relatable.

I don't think I ever really understood when I was little what made me different from being a girl. Or why I couldn't just be one. Or even *what exactly made me "not" a girl*. When I was little, alongside Pokemon, Sailor Moon meant everything to me. Honestly, Sailor Moon has surpassed Pokemon in importance to me lol.

I knew I wasn't supposed to watch it. My mom didn't want me to because she thought it was either perverted or would turn me gay. But it was on early enough that I could watch it anyway. When we went to Chicago for my big sissy's graduation, my mom wouldn't let me watch Sailor Moon, so I made myself sick by eating a whole box of tissues. I had to stay in the hotel room and someone else had to watch me the whole time. When my dad was there, he didn't care what I watched. But it definitely made them not spend as much time with my sister. Sorry, sis. If it's any consolation, I looked up to you so much. I thought you were the epitome of cool, and I wanted to be just like you when I was older.

It's funny thinking about it, I was so close to my sister, even though she's 16 years older than me. I thought she was incredible, because she listened to cool music, wore cool clothes, knew all sorts of stuff that I didn't... I really did want to be just like her.

Of course, Sailor Moon also had my first crush in it- animated or otherwise- Mamoru (Darien in the dub), or Tuxedo Mask. He absolutely gave me an unrealistic expectation for men lol. But I constantly thought about him as a kid. I loved thinking about getting married to him- Walking down the aisle in my pretty, puffy, frilly dress, before he princess carries me away. Ahhh, memories. I still love being princess carried. I still love wearing big, poofy, frilly dresses and wish I got to wear them more often.

I always liked boys. I always thought about kissing boys. Honestly, I think that is a big part of why I got so into yaoi. For all I knew, I had to stay a boy forever. It was an awful thought, but the fact that boys could kiss boys was helpful at least. Honestly, while I had thought maybe I was inserting myself as the uke, I think I was just fujoing out. I think I just liked thinking about and reading about and seeing boys kiss each other. I guess I've always been a fujoshi. Thanks for teaching me about that, Colhan3000 lol. Old Youtube shit, like 2007-ish. Don't worry about it.

Cloud is another character that has always been really important to me. I knew about him before I'd actually played FFVII- He was already a nerd cultural icon, so if you were on places like GameFAQs, Newgrounds, any of those places, you knew Cloud.

I played FF7 for the first time when I was like 7. It's kinda wild to think about- I think by this point I was starting to think that I shouldn't be a girl. It wasn't allowed and it maybe wasn't meant to be. Men dressed as women were always jokes, and stuff like drag queens were "bad". Really basic understanding of stuff.

But I mean, I think that the crossdressing scene did a lot to me. Like, playing on a tiny old CRT, you could see Cloud's little pigtails and dress, it did look cute even if it was super blocky. Especially when it turns out you get picked as the prettiest one. I think that did a lot for me. Something about that made me think that it was okay to want to be pretty. And maybe someday I could actually be pretty. Someday I *would* be. I'd make it happen.

I used to dream about being a girl all the time. I wasn't entirely sure exactly, but it was so common that it didn't even register to me about being different, I guess. I'm not surprised that I never felt comfortable or safe enough to tell anyone, but that's kinda sad. I only told a therapist I had, but it was during our last session, before my parents decided it was a waste of money and that I wasn't actually getting anything done. My dad felt terrible about that later on.

Seeing this get posted reminded me of my first boyfriend. Not a great sign, right? He had only known me briefly by my original, deadest name. But I had already been "presenting" fully by that point. But he did know I was trans. He was okay with trying dating me as like, "practice". I didn't know that I was practice. But we had car sex. I pleased him so much, and I got repaid with some degree of care, I guess. By care, I mean he told me liked me. He'd call me pretty. He'd kiss me and rub my breasts. We'd talk on the phone a lot. He was my first consensual. I gave him dozens of handjobs and blowjobs. He would deign to touch me, but he wouldn't touch me anywhere below my chest. He'd sometimes take me to Taco Bell if he felt like it. But it felt like everything. It felt like he had accepted me, and that this was the best I could get and would ever get. And that would color the way I viewed relationships for a while.

He broke up with me on my 19th birthday. We'd dated for 4 months and talked about how it might work when I start college in the Fall and he went back (he was a year older). I'd had a horrible first day of college, and I texted him asking if I could see him sometime soon. He told me that it was a nice Summer fling but now it was over. And like that, we were done. To have done so much and be dropped so easily hurt, but it felt like I should have expected it, and accepted it. It felt like it's how I should expect things to be.

So I'm going to back this up quite a bit. People had done stuff to me since I was a kid. People I knew had touched me in ways that I didn't want them to. A kid who was my only friend in 2nd and 3rd grade molested me. He would already hit me all the time and call me names and steal or break my things. This would be a trend in my life. But he was the only kid who would talk to me. But he wanted to see my genitals once and flipped out on me. He taught me the word faggot.

A kid that I went to Middle school with would molest me multiple times. He'd assault me, make me feel his genitals, and make me send him naked pictures. It was because I had a "weird body". Kids used to try to cut my hair. Kids used to try to grab my breasts and flick my nipples. All the time. A kid who was a couple of years older than me in high school thought I was a girl at first (I mean he was right) and when i annoyed him, and he ""realized I was a boy", he dragged me into the bathroom and raped me. I don't even know what his name was. But I remember his face. Another of my friends who I was really close with would try to convince me that I was really just a feminine boy, and to be his boyfriend. I outright rejected him for that. When I'd go over to his house later, I'd accidentally fall asleep. I'd wake up with him wrapped around me, with his hand down my pants.

When I had to get a regular physician again, I had to see a pediatrician, since I was 17. My school recommended a specific one. He would berate me and molest me. In front of my parents. Who would say that they just thought he was "doing an exam". He was not.

When I was a senior in high school, and I was fully me all the time, in public, at school, I got beaten up all the time. I'd get somebody who would hit me or feel me at least once a day. It became routine. It slowed near the end of the year, but it never really stopped.

When I was looking into colleges, I'd only just barely managed to secure my graduation as-is, so I took the first place that seemed like they had a good program for Psych(I was basically pushed into it because "I should be a therapist!"). This was the year a huge expose about the rates of rape on college campuses came out. I knew I was going to try to dorm, because it was experience that I needed. My mom wound up moving literally down the street. Might have been for the best, but it still stunted me. That same school told me that I would have to be in a boys' dorm because it might make the girls uncomfortable to know there was someone like me living in their dorm. They compromised by putting me in a dorm with seniors who hated me, bullied me, iced me out, took my things, and threw my stuff out. The cycle repeats.

It was the time that I finally tried to be myself, truly. It was still very much in an age that I was expected to be quiet about being trans, because that's the goal, right?

I really didn't have community back then. I was doing all of this on my own. I was making myself the person I wanted to be, but it was so hard. I had Tumblr(One of many I would make and delete) and that was about it. I would realize around this point that I was bisexual. That was honestly hard to deal with, because of how much of "traditional" femininity is tied to heterosexuality. It's honestly still hard to deal with, even today.

I had people in my ear telling me that I should be a lesbian. I could be a lesbian, a real lesbian. One that was just a woman. Throw the trans part away, just forget it, don't talk about it, don't bring it up, don't think about it. Throw away attachment to men. You don't need them, you've been hurt so much by them. They're trash. You don't want to like them, right? That makes you less of a woman. That makes you stupid. You're not a real lesbian if you like men, and you want to be a real lesbian, right? We only like you if you're a real lesbian. You don't want to be proud of being trans. You know that you don't want to be trans, you talk about it all of the time. Let's reinforce that. Let's make sure you know how terrible it is to be trans. Let's make sure you know how lucky you are to be with real women. Let's make sure you know how much of a burden you are to be with or even to exist and be taken seriously as a woman.

Those same people would later tell me the reverse, especially when I started to meet other trans people. Those trans people are awful and disgusting. You're not like them, you don't want to be like them. You want to be with men, because that makes you one of the good ones. It makes you one of the proper ones. Not like a trans lesbian. Not like an awful t4t. Just think about Ray Blanchard. You're close enough to a woman that you get a gold star even though you're just an underdeveloped, weird man. You're doing so much better than those weird trans people. Stop hanging out with them they're so annoying. Cut them off. You don't want to be an autogynephile, do you?

I am so sorry that you went through all of that, younger me. I'm so sorry that I've had to grow in that restrictive space. I'm so sorry that we became compressed in this shell that cut us off from the world, that cut us off from being able to be happy, to be loved, to be free. Let's break out. Slowly, together. Okay? Not all at once. But I think I'm just starting to finally shine through the cracks, and am truly working back to being me.

It's so nice to see so many people being so positive about being trans. Medically transitioning or not. Loving their bodies, loving themselves, loving each other. I want to be part of the love. I want to shed all of this hate that I got draped in. The hate that I let those people plant in my heart. It's not my hate, but I let it in. But now I want to finally show it the door for good. And RIP IT OUT!

Penises and flat chests can be feminine! Body hair can be feminine! Facial hair can be feminine! Tall people can be feminine! Muscular people can be feminine! Liking girls can be feminine! It's okay to be feminine! It's okay to like being feminine! It's okay to like yourself being feminine! It's okay to like your cringe self! It's okay to not want to have to cringe anymore! It's okay to not want to hide anymore! It's okay to be annoying! It's okay to be you! It's okay to want to love and be loved!

So much wlw art and stories and trans art and stories has been so helpful to me. I don't see it as much, but I also love seeing (cis or trans)men with trans women. I love poly stuff. I love seeing it.

To the youngest me: You became a pretty girl! You get to wear pretty clothes!

To the teenage me: You became so cute! You're going to get hormones! Surgeries! Cute clothes! Makeup you don't have to steal and hide! Boys like you!

To the young adult me: You have trans friends! YOU GOT SURGERY! Top, bottom, FFS! You might get more! Boys *and* girls like you! The world is harsh, but your World grows! There are more of us! They're kinder! More accepting! Things are changing!

To the current me: You're working on loving yourself. You're more free than you've ever been. You can feel the wind blowing for the first time. The rain, the sun, the warmth. You're even still growing. How about that?

Before I wrap up, I want to share a few specific comics that I'll link that just made me so happy to see today. All of them by Mushy specifically. And this is probably the silliest part because it's literally just me linking comics but I just love them so much that if you read this far, you need to see this and how much I loved these and how much joy they brought me in ways that are hard to even state how much happiness they brought me to see.

Adorable, happy, trans polycule.

Love seeing the positivity about weight stuff, where it's okay to be chubby and put on weight. And the chubbiness looks so cute!

God, this reminds me so much of early transition days as a young teen. Being so self conscious but so happy to be wearing cute clothes and feeling pretty. Having a friend help me with my makeup and putting my clothes and accessories on correctly and feeling like myself and feeling so pretty!

Just so dang cute! Samus with leg hair is honestly great. I don't know how she manages to make things that i"m so self-conscious about look cute and feminine.

this is maybe the biggest one for me. It's so cute seeing Samus give Brig her hormones. And seeing her wake up scrungly in the morning, but the facial hair looks fine, and she shaves it off so elegantly, and Brigette even has a visible bulge, but like, they're both so cute? They're both just such pretty girls? And it's just great. I feel so self-conscious when I shave every morning. Seeing this brought me so much joy.