Professional Lucid Dreamer

eagerly awaiting the day daniel radcliffe, elijah wood, and robert pattinson just make the most fucked up bizarre unmarketable film together

Glasses people love to make you try their glasses on to see how fucked up their eyes are. It's a sign of respect in their culture.

when did we as a society start allowing a sandwich to cost sixteen dollars? eighteen? I know I've paid twenty-one dollars for a sandwich at this point. is this just the world now? sandwich prices don't come down like gas prices. they go up & up & up. good luck to us all

I hate the “open floor plan” that everyone is obsessed with in houses now. I want nooks and crannies and bizarre floor plans. I don’t need to be able to see what someone is doing on the other side of the house. I want places to hide and lurk and dwell in the shadows. I am the beast who awaits in the labyrinth

didn’t ask, don’t care, plus my tits bounce when i walk

I feel like there's two levels of chronically online. There's like, the variety where you recognize obscure memes and stupid drama and post constantly but have some sort of tether to reality and have friends in the real world and read the news from time to time, and then there's the kind where you genuinely don't realize that your political position or feelings about popular media are not just non-mainstream but actively fringe and that it's not emotional labor to pick people up from the airport.

hey boss i can't come in today it's a sunny day and there's a lovely breeze coming in through my window, yeah it's rustling the branches of the tree outside that's finally bloomed so it's pretty serious

fuck these “i need to be fucked” posts. I need to be motherfucking kissed. throw me against a wall and kiss me like i’m the love of your goddamn life and you didn’t think you’d ever find me. 

The "Save me X" meme is such an integrated part of my brain now that I just go around chanting it in my head constantly. Save me nice clean sheets. Save me YouTube drawing tutorial. Save me Aldi's frozen Bavarian pretzel. And you know what? They do.

people vaguely saying 'the horrors' as shorthand for 'life problems, don't worry about it' in conversations where the problems are not going to be delved into has got to be one of my favorite new Ways Of Speaking that has emerged. like it's polite and vague and succinct enough for impersonal conversation but also extremely honest. it's very funny. The Horrors. we all know of them.

Ryan Gosling’s career has just been one long quest to climb the Warner Bros water tower