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The men's football RPF fandom follows an extremely predictable cycle: when it's a World Cup year, things go nuts. New fans come in, dormant accounts reactivate, everyone goes around looking for the guys they see on their screen and get kind of confused that in the great minds of our AO3 writers they are with completely different guys. Most RPF is about club pairings, because these are the people they're with most of the time, but there's something special about the national team. Weeks when years happen, or something like that.
I love a rec list and those have kind of fallen out of vogue, so here's a very short list of my favorite national team-centric fics over the years, for the folks who're interested in the RPFs of World Cups past. Obligatory reminder to keep church and state separated, keep fic out of the public eye, and lock your shit down when you feel like you want to take a turn. Happy reading, welcome to hell!
Calon Onest, Calon Lân by ladytelemachus (LJ, deleted)
Wales: Wayne Hennessey and Aaron Ramsey
This is not a World Cup fic, because Wales have not qualified for a World Cup in forever. This is a fic that is kind of about that, and kind of about language, and kind of about the weight of a nascent national team, and kind of about English colonialism, short and sweet and perfect.
all these things that i've done by @stickmarionette
Argentina (World Cup 2010): Diego Maradona and Lionel Messi
So what if Leo plays within himself sometimes? It doesn't mean that he forgets to pass. He dribbles because he can.
Diego, of all people, should understand. Leo, Diego the manager and the motherland.
If you're new this will sound wild to you, but once upon a time Argentina hated Leo Messi. The federation took forever to call him up. The sports media called him the Catalan and spent half the time judging him for not showing up for his country the way he did for his club, FC Barcelona. Enter the one guy who could possibly get it: Diego Maradona. This fic is the raw nerve of that 4-0 loss to Germany and the desperation of knowing you've got to carve a path and haven't got the time. Little did we know.
Invictus, or, On the Plus Side, You Now Possess the Most Sought-After Phone Number in Spain by synaesthetical (AO3)
Spain (World Cup 2010): Victor Valdes, Pepe Reina, and Iker Casillas
Víctor Valdés is at his first international tournament and a bench player for the first time in years. On most days, he's fine with that. On the days that he has to deal extensively with Pepe Reina's lunacy and Iker Casillas's martyrdom, he wishes he had gone windsurfing instead of to the World Cup.
You have to be kind of insane to want to be a goalkeeper. Fortunately, Spain has no shortage of insane people. Our cast of characters: deadpan sarcastic Victor Valdes, who regularly had panic attacks before games and dropped off the face of the earth the moment he retired; Pepe Reina, official court jester of the 2010 Spain national team; and Iker Casillas, lord, savior, legend, talisman, man who cries a lot. Victor's voice in this is snarky and stinging, Pepe gives better than he gets, and I could read about their team shenanigans forever.
The Secret of Sopwell House by @heyyjulien
England (Euro 2004): Jamie Carragher/Gary Neville
The national team is trying to qualify for the Euros 2004, when the FA suspends Jamie Carragher from the squad under dubious circumstances. They make two crucial mistakes: They forget to tell Jamie before he makes his way to the England training camp. And they underestimate Gary Neville.
And now for something entirely different: Carraville fic in disguise. In real life, Gary Neville attempted to organize a players' strike on behalf of Rio Ferdinand. This is an AU where he does all that for then-club rival and current IRL partner in crime punditry Jamie Carragher. Everyone's voices are pitch-perfect, from our leads to David Beckham's and Sir Alex Ferguson's. The atmosphere really makes this fic: the pressure cooker of the England camp, the period-accurate abuse and homophobia, the *gestures* everything that's going on inside GNev's head.
The Cynics by rainhat (AO3)
Italy (World Cup 1982): Antonio Cabrini/Paolo Rossi
Paolo took a survivalist approach to lying and secrecy. He was good at both, and didn't think a great deal about either. The lie about Antonio was proving hard to keep so far.
Paolo Rossi was theeee failed wonderkid flop striker. Antonio Cabrini, Juventus defender, was so beautiful tabloids called him Italy's boyfriend. I have no idea how to talk about this fic, but literally every single sentence in this fic is perfect. The restraint, the economy of emotion, the quiet tension, the weight. I don't even know.
in a month i'm probably going to be writing fic about nonbinary haaland taking estrogen and it's probably going to be a more serious exploration of transgender athletes and gender/sexuality in football that it ought to be
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Another public service announcement. This time it’s air quality. Some of you are probably in it already if you’re in eastern Canada, New England or New York, but it’s sliding south, a huge mass of wildfire smoke. Please be careful. When it starts getting bad, especially, like when the sky gets orange or brownish, it’s best to run air purifiers in the house and wear N95 or KN95 masks when you have to go outside.
It harms your lungs and it’s especially bad for children (and pets!) or anyone with health problems. There are all kinds of chemicals in that smoke. It’s not only trees that are burning. The heat already makes it harder to breath. This makes it worse.
If any of you are experiencing it, feel free to tell about it in the comments. 💚
Also, throw out the mask every day and shower before you get in bed if you’ve been out or you’ll be breathing the particles all night. Stuff like that. It gets all over you, your skin, your hair, your clothes.
(dream anon) i feel i should clarify that the reason i was so baffled by the dream when i woke up is that a solid 60% of the dream was me doing piles of very confusing paperwork while extremely tense bc i was convinced that any tiny error on the estrogen paperwork would get both me and erling sent to Soccer Jail
the remainder of the dream made more sense by virtue of not being Intensely Sweaty Bureacracy. it was 10% “i understand that you’re excited, but this is an injection so i do need you to sit still,” and the remaining 30% would be best described as nonbinary club night, theme “your gender must be this unexplainable to party” (perfect for me and several friends who appeared at this point, and also apparently for erling). most of the norway nt appeared to see us off for nonbinary club night like sailors’ wives waving to a ship going out to sea. the taxidermied raccoon was there
Anon, every next sentence in this ask is the best sentence in this ask. To be fair, medical paperwork is absolute shit and makes sense to no one, in dreams or outside of them. I adore the Norwegian send-off to nonbinary land. I fully lost it at the taxidermied raccoon.
apologies in advance but i’m sending this to you bc it is baffling me and i have no idea who to tell. i just had, seemingly out of nowhere, an intensely vivid dream about giving haaland estrogen
No, listen, anon, I see it. You must tell us more. I imagine her as flummoxing people by being very butch like 70% of the time and kind of offbeat femme-presenting the rest. Mixed, you know.
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Dude. DUDE. HUMPTY DUMPTY JUST FELL. YOU NEED TO SEE THIS ALL THE KINGS MEN ARE THERE TRYING TO GET HIM BACK TOGETHER. THIS IS SO FUCKED DUDE. IM SO SCARED. HE'S DEAD
🖐️ stand aside. only the court necromancer can save him now. we must pray his body isn’t too broken…
often you will see things online where you just have to be like "what a strange thing to say" or "i don't think that's true :)" to yourself and try to move on or you will lose your mind
I’m sorry but the third place match on Saturday is going to funny as ffuuuuccckkkkk simply France vs England fighting to see which is less of a disappointment
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my favorite thing about katherine is that she won't give sadie an inch that sadie hasn't worked for and whenever she lets the indifferent facade slip unintentionally it's in like microexpressions that sadie only notices because she knows katherine inside out and this is only true for sadie, like she loses composure far more easily when it comes to work place politics or richard or some rando journalist disliking her, but with sadie she will make sadie earn a reaction, and yet it is, like, inevitable that she'll let sadie in if sadie asks and she'll come over if sadie asks and she'll give sadie the world to be honest. like to be completely honest. i don't think sadie realizes because she's too busy having zero chill about whatever the fuck is going on with her own heart but.
it's such a balancing act with them when sadie will go to lengths no woman has gone before to get a semblance of acknowledgement from katherine and she can't even bask in it because she's soon running for the hills in her mind and she gets off on katherine's cold shoulder at the same time that she wants katherine to like claw her way inside sadie's body, and katherine is constantly oscillating between her need to have her ego stroked and feel powerful and her need for sadie, which usually is one and the same because sadie does a great job at stroking an ego, but sometimes they contradict each other because loving sadie is an exercise in humiliation.
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
gracieabrams
baratheonpilled
pixelskylines
