Lost In The Supermarket

Someone hold my hand and do that little thumb rubby thingy.

i envy people that come up with witty comebacks on the spot because i’m gonna need at least a 3 day notice 

The first time I heard an adult say the f word was when I was in fourth grade and we were doing some project that involved us baking cookies together as a class. My teacher Ms. Lindsey, who was real sweet, was demonstrating for everybody and she asked if anyone knew how to crack an egg, and I really didn’t know how to crack an egg, but I’m a go-getter, so I raised my hand and she called on me. I instantly knew I was in trouble at that point but I’d seen my dad crack eggs hundreds of times so I figured, ya know, it can’t be thaaaat hard. So I grab the egg but I have no sense of how softly you’re supposed to tap an egg to crack it, so I just slam it against the desk and splatter raw egg ten feet in every direction and my teacher said “what the fuck, Dion?”

give a man a guitar and he’ll play for a day, teach a man guitar and today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to you

I swear to God I am so tired of this meme. You guys need to leave Wonderwall alone, seriously by now you should’ve somehow realized what you gotta do

i don’t fucking believe this. i don’t believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now

The moral of Rudolph the Red nose reindeer is that no one likes you unless you’re useful.

rudolph the red-nosed reindeer as capitalist propaganda: discuss

rudolph was already exactly as useful as the other reindeer. the moral is deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable