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i would suck off oat milk sloppily i cannot lie

8 hours of decent sleep will have you thinking things like 'i am a beautiful horse and i will never die'

2 hours of bad sleep will have you thinking things like 'i am a stranded whale and i need to be covered in dynamite in an ill-advised attempt to clear the beach'

puncturing the runny egg yolk and letting it bleed onto your toast is a highly sexual activity and frankly im not sure if it should even be done in public

if you sneeze without covering your mouth on public transit then you deserve *pauses to consider my convictions regarding punitive justice* *nods head resolutely* the death penalty

Reblog and put in the tags if you can remember where you got the shirt you're currently wearing.

the only people who have ever done anything for fandom are lesbians and bi women. everyone else is just annoying

bush haters always have that soulless look in their eyes

Normal groceries like milk or bread or whatever running out is whatever. Just anotha day. But when stuff like salt or cooking oil or rice runs out it feels like You’re supposed to be here for me and you’re leaving. You’re just like everyone else

wow dude jts so awesome that your car is loud as fuck and smells worse when it drives past. thags fucking epic man. i really like how it hurts to listen to you drive past and it scares people. thats awesome man. i really like your car that makes a loud as fuck fart sound. fucking epic dude