lizard king

I would still use my turn signals in the Mad Max Wasteland. They'd call me "Signal" because I'd hit my blinker before ramming the enemy hot rods into the side of a desert ravine. I'd use my turn signal every time. They would respect me for this.

"That is Signal, the Last Follower of the Old Law."

i’m doing really well for someone who goes through the five stages of grief every day

other birds must get so pissed off by mockingbirds. like imagine you get in a fight with your wife and the next week you can hear your upstairs neighbor repeating the argument word for word as sexual roleplay

me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

Me and the boys misunderstood the arcane nature of the stone and now the Toyota is king of England

“what’s the worst fruit” i hope you fucking die im strangling you what the hell is wrong with you. ‘the worst fruit’… has god not made all of these fruits in the same light???? cunt

Red Delicious Apples

May I someday gain the same level of succinct cutting vitriol criticism as the applerankings.