Le Dèesse.

It’s not a lack of discipline—it’s exhaustion, poor nutrition, mental burnout and a distracting / negative environment holding you back. When your body runs on empty and you’re surrounded by chaos, your mind follows

in my control

my actions

the way i respond

my values & goals

my boundaries

my beliefs

my choices

my perspective & mindset

what i take responsibility for

what i focus on

how i spend my time

how i engage

in my influence

my health

my wellness & wellbeing

my connections

relationship dynamics

my reputation

certain aspects of the future

my energy

my environment

my finances

not in my control

the past

my memories

regrets

others feelings

others thoughts

others words

others beliefs

others behaviors & responses

politics

world conflict

aging

illness

loss

the weather

Love should feel safe, uplifting and nourishing. But if you’ve ever found yourself unable to accept that someone doesn’t love you—or worse, mistaking pain for love—you’re not alone. Many people experience this cycle of emotional distress and it often stems from deeper wounds, conditioning and unhealed patterns

If your past experiences (especially childhood) involved conditional love, emotional neglect, or chaotic relationships, you probably learned that love is something you have to earn. You confuse love with struggle and subconsciously believe that the more pain you endure, the more meaningful the love will be

You chase after people who don’t reciprocate your feelings

You feel drawn to emotionally unavailable partners

You equate distance, drama or intensity with deep love

It’s natural to want to be loved, but when rejection makes you feel worthless, it’s a sign of deeper self worth issues. You believe that if someone doesn’t love you, it means you’re not good enough. This can trigger a desperate need for validation, keeping you trapped in unhealthy attachment but

Their inability to love you does not reflect your worth

Love is a choice—not something to force or convince someone into

Someone rejecting you may simply mean they are not capable of giving the love you deserve

A common reason people mistake pain for love is because emotional highs and lows create an addictive cycle. When someone is inconsistent—sometimes loving, sometimes distant—it creates anxiety. That anxiety is often misinterpreted as excitement, chemistry, or passion

Real love is consistent and secure, not unpredictable and anxiety-inducing

If a person’s love makes you feel uncertain or unworthy, it’s not real love

Healthy relationships bring peace not emotional whiplash

If you’ve been told you’re “too much,” or if people have led you on with mixed signals, you may struggle to let go because of hope. You believe that if you just prove your worth, they will change their mind. This keeps you stuck in fantasy rather than accepting reality

If someone truly loved you, they wouldn’t make you question it

You deserve mutual love, not breadcrumbs or potential

Letting go of false hope frees you to receive real love

Even if pain is miserable, it can feel strangely comfortable if it’s what you’ve always known. The nervous system can get wired to crave emotional chaos because it feels “normal”

Look for relationships that feel peaceful, even if they seem “boring” at first

Heal past wounds so that love no longer feels like suffering

Hey, friends. I know I've been really struggling to look towards the future with any kind of hope, so here are some little things I've been trying to do every day that might help you, too.

Accept that your productivity might look weird right now. Don't expect yourself to act as if nothing is wrong.

Make art. I try to write something every day, even if I don't really feel like it, and I've found that once I get into it, I'm grateful I did.

Do something to plan for the future. Doesn't have to be big. Even getting some ice cream you know future you will thank you for counts.

Eat. Even if you're not hungry. I keep skipping meals because I don't feel like eating, and then I force myself to make something and realize I was absolutely starving.

Clean up one thing in your space. If doing all the dishes and sweeping the floors and putting away laundry all feel too overwhelming, try just doing one of those things.

Lean on your online and offline communities. I live in a county that voted trump by a margin of eighty percent. My world feels scary and hostile right now, and it's my communities that are helping me feel hopeful.

Try to find one thing that feels normal. One thing that feels safe and normal and helps you feel a bit more grounded. My local grocery store just got their shipment of chocolate oranges in for the season. That's my thing.

Try to find one thing to look forward to, no matter how small. My thing is checking my ao3 inbox for comments on my fics.

POV: You are a nightclub, a nightclub that’s hard to get into

Dress code

Selective entry

High price to get in

You’re not playing hard to get. You’re simply hard to get.

Your standards ensure that entry into your life is hard to get.

Your boundaries = the bouncer

People can gain entry and still act up later. Your bouncer (boundaries) are quality control to preserve the quality and reputation of the club.

Cheap/Bad Behavior

Many upscale clubs require you to buy bottles over a certain amount

Time limit

You cannot buy that one bottle and idle in the club all night. You must continuously purchase rounds/bottles or you get the boot

Miscellaneous

Your club, your standards rules. Your misc. can include suddenly having a bad vibe from a patron (potential partner) therefore you call your bouncer (boundaries) to boot the patron from the club (you).

He communicates consistently and clearly. Replies promptly, doesn't leave you on seen, checks up on you throughout the day/week according to his schedule and in agreement with your needs as well.

He pays attention to your needs and desires and quirks, and makes your life better using said details. Ie. buys your favorite kind of flowers, makes your favorite tea in the morning, remembers your food allergies when having dinner dates, etc.

Disagreements may still appear even in health relationships, and it's ok, as communication is essentual for a healthy dynamic. However, his approach to disagreements is a secure one: each will share their perspective, and if feelings were hurt or mistakes were made, he takes accountability for his side, and makes genuine apologies followed by reparations and direct actions (ie. "I'm sorry I did x, I didn't mean to hurt you. I will be/do y in the future", and then does as he promised).

Promises are kept. His actions are in alignment with his words, and he keeps his words. If he says he'll call you after work, he does. If he says he needs to cool off during an argument and will reopen the conversation in 1h, he does indeed return in 1h to continue the topic.

If you're anxious, he will reassure you and work through it. He doesn't run away or avoid the topic (as an avoidantly attached person would).

If you come forward communicating your needs, or sharing complaints or grievances, he will hear you out and actively seek a way to improve things. He won't freak out, or get angry or run away in response to you having needs or communicating your thoughts; these are normal relationship things you're entitled to, and a securely attached man knows this.

Filters 📷📱

While it might seem fun to fantasise about a man, to think about him non-stop, to imagine your life together what you’re actually doing is sending a very strong signal to the universe that energetically ‘I come second’. While this might sound extreme, hear me out... Your thoughts are no longer your own because you are thinking about him. You can’t focus on you because you are thinking about him. All of a sudden everything is about him. You wake up, you take a shower. Lost in the fantasy...He might be a man you’re talking to, dating, fucking, whatever the case my be. Obsessing over a man in thought is never something you should get comfortable with, giving your precious energy away to moments that will ….most likely never happen. And what for? What about thinking about you. Your dreams, passions? The vision for your day? You only have so much mental capacity each day. And getting lost in the fantasy is not the answer.

Create no fantasy of him. This is your lesson. Press pause. Literally press fucking pause. Eject the tape. Throw it out the window. This is YOUR movie. You get to take centre stage. You no longer have to play second to mentally overthinking men. 

Start choosing you. But you have to choose you in thought first and foremost. You can’t come second in thought. Your thinking has to be on you, about you. You can’t come second mentally because a man who is not your man is taking centre stage in your mind. Your thinking space is prime real estate. It needs YOU. YOU need to own that domain. Not think it’s cute to imagine the future, get all giddy and love sick. No. No no no. Bring it back to you. Your job now is to remain focused on you. That is it. Remain focused of you. Let go. Just let go. 

Is this message clear enough for you. Do you understand now how harmful it is to make a man first priority in your mind? 

Disciplined - if a target is set, it is achieved 

Speaking - Can speak multiple languages. Can express thoughts clearly even if vocabulary is limited. The listener understands their point. 

Strong extroversion socially - can approach and talk to new people with ease, but also make them feel comfortable. Good at following up, asking questions and inserting little stories about themselves without exposing too much 

Strong general knowledge / industry knowledge. They know what they’re talking about 

Hard to please but not arrogant about it. They won’t readily accept a fact or opinion, even if the majority agrees - they’ll debate with it, think over it, play the devil’s advocate

Good posture

Strong set of principles and self control. There’s no shame in wanting to say, help someone, choose not to drink socially, buy a coffee for a poor person on the street; they don’t hesitate to do good deeds 

Hygienic. Clean, groomed, well dressed, well maintained. 

Observant and proactive at the same time. Can pick up on body language relatively easily - can sense discomfort or unease in someone and do something about it. 

ALL 2024.

CLAIMING IT NOW.

IT IS YOURS.